So we’re in recovery mode now. I’ve been done with radiation and chemo for a few weeks and slowly but surely I’m gaining back strength and energy. In many ways I almost feel like a real boy again (I’m picturing myself saying this like Pinocchio).
But it’s been a strange process to realize how difficult recovery is truly going to be. The physical recovery is one thing: neuro-rehab (starting at the end of the month) to hopefully get my paralyzed leg working fully, eating healthy and normal again now that I’m able to, getting into normal sleep habits now that I’m off steroids, and learning to balance my energy so I don’t over do it and crash. It’s the other recovery stuff that is so difficult. I’ve got a wife who’s been a single mom caring for an invalid for three plus months and she’s tired. I’ve got kids who are not only grieving the reality of the previous three months but are still missing the dad that went on bike rides with them and could wrestle with them. And then there’s the reality of MRI scans on September 22nd and the October 12th meeting with my oncologist to determine what’s next. Am I cancer free? Has it spread to my brain? Has the tumor grown? Is the tumor gone?
Relatively speaking I feel great (relatively speaking!) part of me is ready to go back to work full-time, to be the busy body around the house that I used to be, and to be out in the real world more consistently. But I am learning (thanks to advice from family, mentors, doctors, and friends) that this is not healthy recovery!!!
Here’s what I think a healthy recovery is looking like for us (though it may change tomorrow):
- Spending lots of time together as a family
- Finding a good and simple rhythm to our life as a family (thanks to Jones going to school we’re actually achieving this!)
- Discovering and utilizing tools for our kids to work through their grief and anger over my sickness
- Taking time away for just Jess and I (counting down to September 30th at the beach)
- Getting a dog (yes, we just got a dog! Even though Jess and I are definitely not dog people it seemed like a good idea for our kids. We call it a therapy dog…and her name is Ruby)
- Physical therapy–starting at the end of the month. Hopefully it’ll help and I’ll one day be able to drive again!
- Creating space for Jess to recover–this might be THE most important thing considering how much she’s given over the last three months
- Keeping life simple and not adding in too much stuff and clutter (even though we are eager to do so many things!)
- Pursuing a healthy spiritual vitality for our whole family
- Keeping a simple, yet consistent, connection with our downtown community
- Finding ways to laugh, have fun, and be silly.
This is a fantastic question. One I struggle with daily. How much of the tragedies of life do I allow to define, mark and become part of my "new normal" (I pretty sure I have reservations about that phrase)? How long should it take to "recover?" How much of the reality of the recovery process is to share (the burden of) and how much is just to be handled internally. Should I expect to not remember, fear, smile as much, be all that optimistic? I get a sense that whatever the answers to these questions are, I am too naive and am not treating them with appropriate gravity. Love to discuss further with you.
Praying for your family, your MRI scan today, your October appt with Drs and your recovery. Praying also for your complete healing and recovery.
What is healthy recovery. It is taught and plans of the inclusive times are very important and significant. The skills are manifested and induced. It is the art of the possibility and success. It is enjoyed and satisfaction is made possible.