Big Bird or Big Turd?

Is it me or is Big Bird retarded? Am I the only one who listens to him and thinks that he just might be a little off? I mean, I know that he’s supposed to be like a five year old bird, but come on! Everyone knows that he’s at least eleven and his parents (or is it owners?) are just embarrassed that he acts like such a kid without any excuse. Yeah, I was watching this one episode about how to make Ranchos Huevos and Big Bird was like “The recipe says that we need two eggs. What are eggs? I’ve never heard of eggs. I’m stupid.”
Here’s another question, what sex is Biggie? Is he actually the first asexual giant bird? If so, what does that say about Sesame Street?
Don’t be fooled by his big feathery exterior, for behind the feathers lies a bird notorious for tricking children by his goofy and foolish questions.

On another note, I want to propose that the blogmunity make an attempt to change the world. My proposal is that we start by changing the name of meat loaf to “BEEF LOAF”. It just fits doesn’t it? First order order on our agenda is t0 find someone willing to create an email chain letter requesting others to join.

13 thoughts on “Big Bird or Big Turd?

  1. Big Bird does seem a little slow, now that you mention it. But I think you answered the gender question by calling him "he/him" through your whole post.As for meat/beet loaf…I try to limit my yearly references to that crap to less than 3 a year, so I doubt my joining your bandwagon is going to make much headway toward your goals.

  2. Beef Loaf can also be a new term to replace "Beef Cake", meaning a hunky guy. Eg: "Whoa, check out that Beef Loaf."

  3. yes. that is gross. maybe jess would like something like tofu loaf. it would be this big white puffy log of soy bean curd…mmmm. meat loaf, beet loaf, jess like tofu loaf.

  4. are you talking about beef loaf the musician or beef loaf the equally craptastic food?i only liked beef loaf in the rocky horror picture show.i would do anything for love . . . but i wont do that.

  5. no not pork loaf, a beef-pork combination loaf, with Italian bread crumbs. So I guess a crumby beef-pork combination loaf. That is what we eat.

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