Blaming God for Cancer

One of the questions I often get is “do you blame God for making you sick?” My quick and easy (for me) response is “no, not at all.” I don’t blame God for making me sick, I don’t think he made me sick, and as a matter of fact I think he’s equally sad as I am that I’m sick.

Hold on.

Before I dig deeper here let me make sure you’re fully aware that in no way am I going to make an argument defending God, defending the idea that if God has the ability to heal me and does not he is somehow culpable and guilty of killing me, etc. Some of you are raising your hands, shaking your fists, and demanding that God be put on trial (rightfully so maybe). Others of you are standing up, shaking your fists, and are making a list of bullet points to absolutely prove why God is just in killing me ’cause he’s teaching me a lesson (or disciplining me or what have you). Well let me say that I’m not going to please any of you because first off I don’t want to attempt to articulately figure all this out. Secondly I don’t believe that it’s my job to defend God. He can do that himself if he so desires. Thirdly, I don’t know if I’m able to make an adequate argument.

So.

I don’t believe that God made me sick. One of my most foundational beliefs, something that everything else builds off of is that God is good. The clearest picture I have of who God is, is in Jesus. My belief is that when I see Jesus I am seeing God. Therefore if I want to know how God feels about sickness I look at Jesus. If I want to know what God thinks about humanity I look at Jesus. If I want to know what God would do at a party I look at Jesus. If I want to know about God one of the most clear ways is to look at Jesus…’cause they’re kinda one and the same. When I look at Jesus I see a guy who grieved over the brokenness of the world, who wept over death (to the point that he occasionally reversed it), and who didn’t seem to be satisfied with sickness (and healed accordingly).

Cancer is a reminder that this world is utterly broken. Things have spiraled out of control and continue to do so. War, hatred, sickness, disease, addiction, abuse, lust, and greed (among so many other things) fight to control our world and transform it into what it was never intended to be. These things, as we experience them, remind us that things are not as they should be, things are not right! And in no way do I have space to believe that God is the culprit. Nope. Instead, my belief is that God is the source of all things good, of love, of hope, of peace, of beauty, of sex, of joy, of kindness, of generosity, of gentleness, and of fresh organic strawberries. Those things come from God because that is who God is–he is good. Cancer is not one of those things. It does not come from God. Cancer is in opposition to God–hell on earth, if you will. God hates cancer because it is in opposition to what he is all about: life.

So do I blame God for my cancer? Absolutely not.

The question, though, that we’re all obviously stuck asking is “But God, why don’t you heal me of it?” If he is able to heal me and does not isn’t he still equally culpable? Let me throw out some random thoughts here. This isn’t an attempt to defend things fully, but rather a random collection of my own musings about this question that obviously plagues me from time to time…

  • At some point every single person is going to not be healed. What I mean is that even if I get healed now, at some point I won’t be…’cause at some point I’m going to be deader than dead. Whether it’s now or later it’s gonna happen. Healing is the ultimate bandaid, it’s only temporary.
  • I have absolutely no idea why one person gets healed and another doesn’t. I want to know why my friends eight year old daughter didn’t get healed from the same cancer that I have. Of all people little Hadley deserved to be healed–more than me and more than you. She was innocent and beautiful in every single way; she deserved healing. But she didn’t get it. And I don’t know why. If Hadley wasn’t healed why should I think that I deserve to be healed? Most likely…it has nothing to do with deserving it…right?
  • I feel complete freedom to be pissed at God, to tell him what I think. I’m pretty sure God can handle my anger. Just because I don’t blame doesn’t mean that I’m not mad that I haven’t been healed yet. There are certain things where anger is a completely appropriate response…and I think cancer can be one of them. And in no way whatsoever do I think that God gets mad if I express anger. Actually, as a matter of fact, I tend to think that God is pleased (maybe not the best word choice) when I am angry about things that he’s also probably angry about!
  • I try to realize and remember that I don’t know jack. I mean, seriously, what kind of perspective do I have in the big scheme of things? I think about my kids at Disneyland. They kept wanting to buy those big giant suckers that look really cool. But the thing is, they taste like crap and my kids hate them. Every time they buy one of them they regret it and wish they had bought something else. I know better than them. I do. I’ve got more perspective, I’ve got a better memory, I have more information…I just know better. I’m the dad. Ok, maybe that’s not the best illustration, but the idea that God knows better is important to me because if he truly is good (as my foundational assumption tells me he is) then I can trust that he’s not trying to screw me or those I love over. All of his activity is first and foremost motivated by love. always. (more than I can say for myself as a father or any other dads I know).
  • In his time on earth Jesus didn’t heal everybody. We read some of the spectacular stories of him healing somebody while ignoring the fact that he stepped over one cripple to get to another who then walked away on his own two feet. At times it had to do with the request made by the individual–but the reality is that there were many in Jerusalem and the surrounding area who remained sick, who stayed dead, and who Jesus did not heal. I don’t know why. But it’s true. And don’t tell me that it’s just a matter of faith. Don’t tell me that the only reason some were not healed was because they lacked faith–try reading the rest of the Bible and tell me that Stephen, James, and every single other apostle and leader and follower of Jesus lacked faith ’cause guess what? They all died! Some of them even brutally and tragically!
No, God never made a promise to heal me. I hope he does and I’m going to bug the hell out of him asking him to do so. But he didn’t make that promise. He promised me that I’ll always be loved. He promised me a new body that doesn’t suck. He promised me a restored world that isn’t broken. He promised me that I’m created in his perfect image. And he promised me that he’s faithful and will keep his promises. And he chose to let himself die to prove it.
Why do I not blame God? I guess it’s because over the years I’ve come to trust him. If you’re new to faith or the idea of faith I wouldn’t expect you to trust him like that necessarily. Trust is earned right? But I hope that my story, as your seeing it lived out, is inviting you to give him a chance. Let Jesus grow on you a bit and see if he doesn’t earn your trust eventually. It’s a scary thing to open yourself up like that, but it just might be worth it.

Comments (84)

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Joy Martin's avatar

Joy Martin · 675 weeks ago

There are No words to say of your beautiful writings I am so imspired by the words you right. Thank you . I too have been praying to God to heal you since I found out about your illness.
michelle nicholson's avatar

michelle nicholson · 675 weeks ago

Oh Ryan, what beautiful and true words you write. You continue to touch my heart and change my life through your faith. Your journey and the sharing thereof, has increased my faith, lifting my eyes more towards the One who never fails us. I, too, will bug the hell out of God for your earthly healing, as the world needs you and your gifts.
Yes, this! Thank you for a beautiful post, and a reminder that He is good.
jennifer moore's avatar

jennifer moore · 675 weeks ago

just thank you. Your eloquence and just honest transparency is beautiful and I it helps me to remember to be thankful when I might be feeling low or like things are total crap.
Bruce Ramsey's avatar

Bruce Ramsey · 675 weeks ago

"Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" (said Job). Paul prayed twice to remove a problem from his side. It wasn't removed. "The rain falls on the just and unjust". You can say things just happen, but, then the Paul says God is working all things...
In otherwords, things are complicated and there are shades of gray.
1 reply · active 674 weeks ago
Taylor Adams's avatar

Taylor Adams · 675 weeks ago

Thank you for this.
Thank you for your discription of God and testimony of your journey.
Thank YOU from the deepest part of my soul for this!!! I countinue to PRAY for your sweet family and healing or GODS will for yourself!!
Thank you for this Ryan, you contnue to be in my prayers.
Excellent perspective. Thanks for putting this out there for those who are thinking of turning away from God in the midst of whatever battle they are fighting. We're "seeing your good deeds and glorifying our Father in Heaven." Thank you.
Ryan, thank you for your words. It is important for us to hear you, bear witness to your faith and walk with you. Lament is not necessarily blaming God, but it is looking to God who is the source of life. Thank you.
2 replies · active 674 weeks ago
He does earn it. As I look back at the times I was in the dark places, I came to depend on the days where I could see him moving. It was almost like a game, hide-and-seek with God to see where his love would be manifest in some unimagined place. I also got to take my kids to Disneyland. Some days I couldn’t see him at all. Some days I cried out and there was no response. He never left. It’s hard to explain that in the seemingly darkest day you can imagine He is still there but it’s true. I thought that the only thing worse would be to have been in the dark days not believing that there was a God of love. How sad to have no hope. Bask in the love and remember it in the dark days ahead.
Todd Collier's avatar

Todd Collier · 674 weeks ago

As a fellow sufferer (and for now survivor) I thank you for your perspective. It is so easy to say "God is good" when the CT scan and bloodwork come back clean. The important bit is to still be able to say it when I realize I'm on the losing side of the 51-49% five year split. Theology, like so many other things, is all sorts of fun right up to the point that they install the port in your chest then suddenly it is no longer theology. It has become life. The "follow Me" has taken on a fundamentally different meaning.
Does writing about it and having us read your words help you in this ordeal? I hope so. I know I feel better when I write out my thoughts about a problem I'm having.
hope I never get cancer but I guess it's on the cards. hope if/when I do I feel like you do. Even if I don't I might just write as if I do, try the feeling on for size. Writing lets us do that doesn't it, and might allow us to actually do more than just try it on. I'm thinking of the "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief" guy in Mark's gospel - he might have discovered that.
Thanks for your thoughts and your courage. I have to say it reminds me of Paul and his attitude to suffering and coming death, and it occurs to me maybe you have quite a lot in common with him. Maybe that's what God's thinking too. Lucky you, I guess. :)
1 reply · active 674 weeks ago
ted hackney's avatar

ted hackney · 674 weeks ago

Great post. Thank you for a perspective that does not sugar coat the pain and is also not cynical. I am praying for you and yours
I heard one time that death IS the ultimate healing..small comfort now though for the sweet family you would have to leave behind. It is hard to wrap our mind around that His Kingdom will always trump our human needs and wants for ourselves and loved ones.
Thank you.
Amy Jones's avatar

Amy Jones · 674 weeks ago

This is powerful. Thank you for sharing it.
Loved this post. This is a conversation I have heard a hundred times and your perspective makes it crystal clear. It makes me look at where I am in my beliefs. If I were in your shoes, would I have enough faith to continue to trust in Him. Him in me and his mark on my life. Would I allow my entire being to rely and rest in him. I know in my core that his plan for all of us is so much greater than we could ever imagine. Like the lollipop in Disneyland scenario- if we knew what he knows- we could let go of all the fears that confine us-that scare us -that control us here on earth. We could take the step past death and know that there is so much more in store. This is why it is so important for all of us to love one another- regardless of what our society tells us to think, speak or feel towards each other. Love is the only thing that surpasses death and surpasses our greatest fears. We have to stop believing in the lie that death is the end. It is not the end. From our earthly perspective it looks like the end but if we could see what our heavenly fathers sees- we would know it is the beginning of something HUGE. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Its such a great gift to give- at a time when you may feel like you have nothing more to give. Thank you.
I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer. You are truly an inspiration and like Esther, maybe you have been created for such a time as this. Your sharing your faith will bring souls to Christ and, after all is said and done, isn't that why we are here? You're an amazing young man. Our prayers are with you and your family!
I loved your post. While I don't have cancer, I struggle with many of these same questions. Thanks for taking the time.
When my wife and I had a miscarriage I asked some similar questions...I agree about the getting angry part. I think God is just as angry about some of these things as we are. That is why it says in 1 Cor 15 that the last enemy to be defeated is death. Death is defeated and death is an enemy to God's creation. So when we get angry about death, we get angry about something God is angry about. That means we agree with God on the matter. Christianity has all but made death our friend...just a simple passageway from one thing to the next. There is more to it than that. Death is more insidious than that. Revelation says Christ holds the keys to death...in the end, God gets his way and redeems and restores it all. That is all so very hopeful! You are in my prayers brother.
2 replies · active 674 weeks ago
Cancer, I command you to leave Ryan's body NOW!!! In Jesus name. I release life into your body. From head to toe into every cell in your body, I release the power of God into you. Satan, you cannot have Ryan. You are a liar, and a thief. I cancel your plans right now!! Amen!.

Ryan, my wife's Dad died of cancer. If I knew what I now know, it's possible that he would not have died. I know that there are people who may think that the way I'm talking is offensive. Well, Jesus offended people when he healed on a Sabbath. I believe that setting people free is a responsibility for believers. We do't speak to God about sickness. We speak to sickness about God.

Please do a couple of things Ryan. Go to http://www.touchofgodradio.org/resources/ and post a prayer request or call the number. The guy who runs that site is Marc Wheelan. Lovely guy. He works full time but every Saturday he takes calls over the air and prays for people. You can listen to past programs there. I also recommend you calling this number 1-888-293-6591 (it's a US number). It's the JGLM (John G Lake Ministries) prayer request line. You might have to leave a message. People will pray for you and stick with you to get you healed.

Hope you are ok with this Ryan. Stand on Satan, he's under your feet.

Darren.

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