I woke up this morning with an old hymn stuck in my head. Its lyrics include these words:
I care not today what the morrow may bring,
If shadow or sunshine or rain,
The Lord I know ruleth o’er everything,
And all of my worries are vain.
Refrain:
Living by faith in Jesus above,
Trusting, confiding in His great love;
From all harm safe in His sheltering arm,
I’m living by faith and feel no alarm.
Though tempests may blow and the storm clouds arise,
Obscuring the brightness of life,
I’m never alarmed at the overcast skies—
The Master looks on at the strife.
I know that He safely will carry me through,
No matter what evils betide;
Why should I then care though the tempest may blow,
If Jesus walks close to my side.
Our Lord will return for His loved ones some day,
Our troubles will then all be o’er;
The Master so gently will lead us away,
Beyond that blest heavenly shore.
Today we find out the results of my last set of MRI’s. And I find myself wondering: what does living by faith look like? What does it look like right now, in this moment, today?
I’ve been told by some that I’m healed, that the tumor is gone. I’ve been invited by them to hold onto this truth—that I’m cancer free and to live into that reality until I experience it. Does living by faith mean that I hold onto this reality fully and completely without wavering and without hesitation? Am I not living by faith if I do not hold onto this truth? In other circles I get patted on the back when I ‘bravely’ say that I’m ok with dying, that I don’t fear it, and that I know that death is not my ultimate end. Is that what living by faith looks like?
I want to be healed. I want to be done with this shit. I want miraculously clean MRI results today. Please pray with us that this is what we’ll see later today. But, again, (as I probably say all too often…and probably for my own neediness than for your benefit) my hope is in Jesus, for who he is and not for how he can fix my temporary body…but a nice tune up would be welcomed.
praying fervently with you.
I'm so impressed/proud of your attitude. People are seeing your good deeds and praising our Father for them. Thank you Ryan. You're constantly in our prayers. Love you.
I once told a friend, while dealing with my pregnancy and knowing, medically, that there was no hope, that I knew that God could save my baby, I just didn't know if He would. So I held on to the hope that he would and gave God his chance to work. She told me that was perfect faith. trusting that God could, but knowing he may choose not to for whatever reason I don't understand. I kept going back to the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednigo (spelling??) when the king was getting ready to throw them into the furnace. They told him that their God has the power to save them, but even if he doesn't they will not bow down to someone other than God. I firmly believe that you are living in faith, daily. It's hard, it's a struggle, some days are definitely easier than others, some days it's so hard to do that it's all you can do to get out of bed. You know that God can heal you, but you are accepting and preparing for the chance that he will choose not to and will take you home and leave Jessica and your kids behind. I believe that is the hardest part of living by faith, preparing for the worst possible scenario. Keep your head up, keep making yourself and others laugh and smile. You are an amazing man and I feel blessed to know even a small part of you. My family is still praying for yours.
Praying
praying….
Ryan, your testimony is changing the lives of followers and non-followers alike. I personally can say that your family's journey weighs heavy on my heart, but also inspires me to hold on tighter to our promise
HSH (Holy Spirit Hug)