Author Archives: admin

admin

About admin

In the process of starting a new grassroots movement in downtown Vancouver, Washington. In the process of fighting terminal cancer. In the process of learning to be a better neighbor, husband, father, Christ follower, and friend. As initiators of the Grassroots Conspiracy we hope to be a part of a movement of hope, imagination, and transformation in our developing downtown neighborhoods.

Why Adam and Eve are Ruining my Children

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I think I’ve written this blog before but I’m constantly amazed at what I’ve determined is some kind of naturally born, innate, passed-through-our-genetic-makeup set of behaviors that every kid knows. I tend to credit nurture over nature for most of my children’s habits. But there are some that I know I never taught them and I’m certain that they are not teaching them in school.

I mean seriously when do kids get taught “neener neener neener” or some variation of the same? “Nah, nah, nah, nah, na na”…sticks and stones…I know you are but what am I…

It’s got to be that they’re born with it ’cause I watch my kids on the playground vigilantly and while they learn bad habits from other kids (and also graciously pass them on to even more) I’ve never heard them learn those ones. Even still, even if they did hear some of those classic childhood phrases it’s not as if they’re all sitting down together listening, reciting, and repeating together. If I know anything it’s that children do not teach children these idiotic phrases. And that’s a scientific fact! Yet here I am in life listening to my kids use them to appropriately taunt others. No, there’s got to be a better answer…and I think I’ve found it.

It’s got to be that when God created Adam and Eve he gave them two gifts that they had not eared: belly buttons and a set of childish phrases to use toward each other and their animal friends. I’m fairly certain that when Eve ate the apple from the serpent she was like “Hey Adam check out this apple I just ate from this talking snake.” And Adam was like “No thanks. I’m on the Atkins diet and I only eat our animal friends.” and Eve was like “seriously Adam? Riiiight….neener neener neener I bet you can’t eat one! Nah nah nah nah poo poo I ate more apple than you” and Adam was like “Whatever Eve. I know you are but what am I?” and Eve was like “Oh, good one Adam. I’m rubber you’re glue” and Adam was like “Rubber? Glue? Those don’t even exist in our garden utopia…hmm…maybe there is something to those whole apple thing” and Eve was like “Yeah, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you” and Adam was like “Hmm…fruit, talking serpent, naked lady, childhood taunting…how could I say no?”

and the rest is history.

Speaking Out

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I’m sitting in bed with my wife at Mcmenamins Edgefield after sitting in the soaking tub for an hour. Not all speaking engagements are this wickedly awesome. I was blessed to be invited to share with the Renovo Church folk as they are here on a retreat for the weekend…and let me tell you, this is an amazing place to hold a retreat!

Lately I’ve been feeling a sense of invitation to share my story more. Obviously (if you’re reading this) you know that I’ve blogged extensively all throughout my journey of fighting cancer but this has been something that I’ve done from the comfort of my own home, from cafes downtown, and even as I was sitting in my hospital bed for weeks. I’ve taken few opportunities to speak, feeling as though I wasn’t ready yet to venture out in such a vulnerable way. In writing there is always a bit of separation between you and your audience, there’s time to tweak things prior to publishing (though my wife chides me for never doing so), there’s a level of safety in writing that is not found in public speaking. Don’t get me wrong, I love a microphone and I love speaking–but sharing amidst the untidiness of my story of being sick has invited me into a whole new level of vulnerability. It would be easier if I were all better. It would be easier if I was speaking or teaching about how I was healed from terminal cancer. But that’s not the story that God is inviting me to share (not yet at least). No, my story is about the struggle, about the tension, and about what it means to have hope in resurrection.

So a few weeks ago I was blessed to share with the Renovatus Church community about our Grassroots Conspiracy work and about the story that God is inviting all of us into weather sick or healthy. It was fun and I was so glad to do it. I’m in conversation with three other groups about speaking…and we’ll see what happens there. And while I still have very little time available to me after I subtract the time used up due to medical visits and my current chemo schedule (not to mention leading Grassroots, my family, etc.) I’m beginning to create time in my schedule for these (and other) speaking engagements. I think it’s important and I think it is part of what is next for me in my journey.

Contact me if you’d like me to come share with your group. My story isn’t very tidy, it’s still a complete mess, but it is one of hope, and it’s one I want need to share.

ryan@grassrootsconspiracy.com

Is School Making My Child Dumb?

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Lets be honest. My son hates going to school. He complains that it’s making him dumb. And he might be right. It’s not necessarily indicative of a bad teacher (Jones’ teacher is incredible consistent and structured which are both very important for Jones in many ways) neither is it wholly indicative of a poorly run school. Rather more and more I am becoming convinced that the system is just not setup well for children who don’t fit the mold.

In Jones’ words he says that…

I just sit all day, I’m not allowed to ask questions, I can’t think for myself, and they just want me to be like everyone else! It’s too hard when you could be playing. You’re just sitting in side where you can’t really do anything. If I were outside I’d love to play with Legos, listen to books on tape more…My teacher makes me angry sometimes.

On his first day of school Jones refused to say the pledge of allegiance, he’s kind of always marched to the beat of a different drum, and school is no different.

Don’t get me wrong, he is learning. His reading skills, for example, have developed in major ways. But the things that we love most about him: his creativity, his different view of life, his scientific mind, his critical thinking skills, etc. are things that do not have much space in school as it currently exists. Jess and I grieve the situation as it is and we eagerly anticipate us figuring out how we can be agents of improvement (not necessarily in the system but with regard to our children).

You’ve probably seen this video, but it struck me again now that my child is in first grade just now true it is.

Thoughts on Leadership from the Ground Up

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I don’t read enough books on leadership. I’ve read some, I have a few on the shelf that I should read, but I wouldn’t consider myself a student let alone an expert in the matter.

With that said, as I continue to grow as a leader and embrace some of what it means to lead I’m learning more about what a paradigm for leadership looks like in my own context.

Leadership, in my context, is influence. It is earned and it must be continually validated. Authority is not necessarily given due to your credentials or education unless those things express themselves in a life worth following. As goofy as it sounds I think the phrase “street cred” creates the best picture for leadership. If leadership is influence then you’ve got to be connected with people enough to earn respect, to deserve respect, and to exhibit something ‘followable’. Entering into a scene with an assumption that people should or will follow you because of x, y, or z just doesn’t do justice intimate relationship between leader and follower.

This blog is not flowing how I would like. Let me change trajectories just a bit here.

In many ways I am terrified to view myself as a leader. It’s not only because I am become more and more aware of the reality of what leadership demands but also because I am becoming more and more aware of the huge and beautiful potential reality of a healthy, humble, leader…and that potential both excites and worries me. What if I cannot ever attain that fantastic view of leadership that I’m beginning to imagine?! Hmm…if I were to throw out some phrases regarding what kind of leader I’d like to be I think it’d include phrases like this…

leaders listen.

leaders have see things that don’t yet exist (both in people and in systems).

leaders lead with hospitality.

leaders lead by example.

leaders lead out of their brokenness.

leaders empower.

leaders never stop learning.

leaders are invitational.

leaders are imaginative.

leaders lean on others.

But more than anything leaders are just one piece in a puzzle, one part on a body, one person in the family. A friend once shared with me that they mistakenly believed that the opposite of bad leadership is no leadership. The reality, in fact, is that the opposite of bad leadership is better leadership (pretty deep thought eh?). I want to be a better leader. I want to see more better leaders. It’s hard. It requires a lot. Opening up self, and life, and home to others requires much…but as a leader how can I invite others around me if I don’t do so first myself?

Does Hope Live Paycheck to Paycheck? Seriously? Does it?

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If you watch Hulu at all you’ve probably seen this video. I don’t want to say anything negative about Rethink Church ’cause I know absolutely nothing about them and I don’t really have a practice of talking bad about churches–even churches that I might disagree with, it just does not seem very productive to speak poorly about my family (Right? Even if your family sucks you still don’t shame them publicly)

But in the video one of their big questions is “Does hope live paycheck to paycheck?”

Umm…what?

What does that mean?

Does it really live paycheck to paycheck?

…I’m not reasking the question rhetorically, I’m seriously wondering if it does. I don’t know?  Does compassion live paycheck to paycheck? How about kindness? Does kindness put more money in savings? How can we help hope stop its overspending?

Or maybe the idea is that those with hope literally stop living paycheck to paycheck–once they find hope they start making better decisions and start saving more money. Is that the idea?

Or is it a metaphor for how we live our lives when we have no hope. If you’re someone who has little hope in your life do you find that you “live paycheck to paycheck”? Or, in other words, do you find that you’re living moment to moment, expending everything you have as and leaving little legacy behind?

Hmmm…neither of those two options really resonate with me. One would suggest that once you give your life to Jesus you’ll save more. But the reality is that following Jesus invites you to give more and to put your hope in relationship and resurrection not in savings (not that I’m against saving). The other ‘metaphorical’ option doesn’t really resonate with me either simply because it’s tedious and not very clear.

From my perspective here’s what hope can bring (this is by no means an exhaustive list!) Hope:

  • Gives us meaning because it gives us a larger identity that we can find ourselves in
  • Gives us energy because it helps remove that feeling of “what’s the point?”
  • Disappoints. It does. To hope is to raise your expectations and to believe that something beautiful will happen. But on this side of life that isn’t always the case.
  • Is bigger than today. Hope on this side of life disappoints–that’s why those from the Jesus way of life place their hope primarily in resurrection, new life, and a restored creation.
So I still have not solved the mystery before us: what the hell does the question “does hope live paycheck to paycheck” mean! I like hope. I like paychecks. I like that this church is trying to engage in a hope-dialog. I like Hulu. I don’t like commercials. Therefore vis-à-vis, quid pro quo, using the properties of transsubordination, etc. etc. we must deduce that the definitive answer is yes.
done.