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admin

About admin

In the process of starting a new grassroots movement in downtown Vancouver, Washington. In the process of fighting terminal cancer. In the process of learning to be a better neighbor, husband, father, Christ follower, and friend. As initiators of the Grassroots Conspiracy we hope to be a part of a movement of hope, imagination, and transformation in our developing downtown neighborhoods.

Blessed Be Your Name…really?

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A few days ago my daughter asked me to sing these words to her in bed. It struck me more deeply than it ever had just how powerfully lyrics can capture both the story of life as it is and life as we wish it were.

 

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s ‘all as it should be’
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Music isn’t really my thing. Jess makes fun of me because of the sheer volume of lyrics that I don’t know. It really is shocking. I just don’t connect with music. But in singing this song to India I was struck by the strangeness of how this song so captures the messiness and brokenness of life as it is and yet also makes an attempt to speak a new reality into existence. Or rather, the song itself isn’t attempting to speak a new reality into existence but is trying to capture a new reality that God is able to speak into existence. That’s what God does, he speaks and things that did not exists begin. When Jesus spoke things happened, reality changed, existence was different. That’s just what God does, it’s who he is. It’s why Christians speak of new birth, its why they cling to the symbolism of baptism, its why they speak of resurrection–because they celebrate the miraculous emergence of new things.

Back to the song…In the midst of cancer, in the midst of divorce, in the midst of whatever darkness that happens to be closing in on us, are we really able to say “blessed be your name”? Is it even appropriate to say that in those moments?! My quick answer would be a resounding “no!” Of course it’s not appropriate to say “thank you Jesus that I just lost my child”. It’s appropriate to scream at God, to be angry, and to be outraged. So often we feel forced to move into a place of happiness in the midst of pain or to act as if everything is better.

Here’s what I think (at least what I’m thinking now). I think that the invitation of this song is not to artificially say “thank you Jesus” in the midst of our dark places. I think the refrain “blessed be your name” invites is to place our hope in the only place we know that can handle our brokenness. It invites us to not mask our grief but to allow our grief to be carried by God who has experienced the death of a child, extreme physical pain, social rejection, and divorce. Claiming the lyrics to this song is to own the brokenness of life as it is now while also placing hope in the only source of hope beyond life as it is–it is to live in the tension of life as it is and life as we wish it were–the exciting part, though, is that in Jesus life as I wish it were is actually a possible reality…and that’s something that brings hope.

Not many songs speak to my heart. Not many lyrics actually stick in my brain. This song did both. Thank you India Jayne.

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-07-01

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Finally Some Good News

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I didn’t pick up on it ’till Saturday, and as it turns out I was the last one to realize. Did you pick up on it? Did you realize that at every step along the way, at any point where we’ve had to wait for results it has been the worst results possible!? I had no idea! Crap!

Lets think about this–Four months ago I had drop foot. Was it a pinched nerve? Nope, it was a tumor. Was it a simple tumor? Nope it was in the middle of my spinal cord. Need not worry though ’cause it’s just an encapsulated little guy in a nice little shell…except that it wasn’t! It had fingers spreading into my spinal cord and it could not be completely removed. But don’t worry ’cause it looks like a low grade benign tumor…or is it…And so it’s gone.

It was about five minutes before surgery when the nurse who was prepping me said “This must be scary, I hope that the results are good” My response was “What?! We already know what we’re working with here don’t we? I think that maybe I’ve been viewing all this through rose colored glasses!”

Some things never change. I like my rose colored glasses and I’m going to continue to wear them.

Today, however, we were given our very first piece of positive news: at this point the cancer has not spread or grown and does not exist anywhere else in my body! For a cancer that originates in the spine only a tiny percent of the time it was welcome news to know that its not in my brain. It was wonderful to know that the pieces of my tumor leftover from the surgery have not grown.

It feels nice to get some good news. Things can change at any moment (the nature of a glioblastoma cancer) but for now I just got my first piece of good medical news* and I’m going to take a deep breath, eat a large salad, and enjoy this moment.

 

*There’s been lots of good news along the way. Not always medical news, but definitely good news. I’ve written about it here, here, and I’d even suggest here.

Celebrating Eight

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We celebrated it yesterday, but it was at this moment eight years ago that I was getting last minute things together to marry my wife. We were just babies at the time, as the picture can attest, but we knew that we had to get married. There was no doubt. There’s never been any doubt. The last eight years have been the best of my life–I have spent them with my absolute best friend and cannot imagine what life would have been like had we not chosen each other. I’m not lying when I tell you that we fit together better than any other couple (sorry every other couple), we’re a match, we’re perfect for each other, we compliment each other in every way that you should and are different from each other in ways that bring joy and intrigue to our world. She’s spontaneous and beautiful and laughs at everything (everything that’s funny I should say). She tells amazing stories, makes amazing food, and is the most thoughtful person I know. We do life well together and I’d fight anyone who thinks they married better than I did. Marrying up is an amazing gift.

I’ve only ever kissed one girl. She journaled about me when she was eight, about how she was going to marry Ryan Woods. We started dating on January 1st of 2000 (that’s right, remember Y2K) and have never looked back. The first few years of our marriage were easy–we found so much joy in being together, in being poor together (some things never change), in playing house together, in just doing life together. Those first years were a whirlwind of laughter and joy. Who said marriage was hard and took work? Riiight. The next few years started to get real. We discovered that once you add in children you have to learn a new level of selflessness that never existed before. With every child (all two of ’em) came a new level of depth and challenge to our relationship as we began to discover that marriage really does take work and intentionality. In the last eight years I’ve been blessed to parent with my wife, to plant a church and a half with my wife, to purchase a minivan with my wife, to live in six amazing houses (OK, not all of ’em were so amazing…) with my wife, to begin raising two spectacular children, to suffer through twenty months of vomiting and bed rest, to explore new ideas and pursue new ideals that have shaped who we are today, to eat amazing food, visit amazing places, and to do it all laughing and smiling along the way. Nobody smiles like my wife does.

We have no idea how many more years we’ll be given together–but if the previous eight years tell us anything its that whatever time we’re given together whether it is six months or twenty-six more years will be filled with joy, laughter, moving, good food, exploration, and an intense friendship that drives it all.

If I were to make an attempt to capture what best describes us I could use words like awesomeness and love and all that. But I think if I were honest, I think if I spoke with clarity, I think the best word would be partnership. In ever sense of the word we are partners. We do life together, we do life as partners, we view our life as an opportunity to partner together in making a new future.

I love you Jess.

How to Help

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I have been getting so many kind and sweet emails, Facebook messages, and texts asking how you can help. First off…thank you thank you thank you! Thank you for how you’ve already helped get us thus far, thank you for your willingness to both offer help and many of you who have not offered because your worried about trying to give us adequate space–both are a gift! As I keep saying over and over again: you all are amazing and we would not have the courage to move forward if it were not for the cloud of beautiful people that surround us.

I’m not speaking in hyperbole here when I say that receiving help has been the second hardest part only behind finding out I had cancer. I love helping people but I do not love being helped. I feel vulnerable and…well…helpless. And I don’t like that. So this post is difficult to write, but I know its important. For the sake of my wife, my kids, and myself I realize that I need to write this blog. Letting y’all help our family has been one of the most transformational experiences in my life (again, no hyperbole here) and I’m working hard on not letting my pride ruin it!

So after racking my brain for a bit here, if you’d like to be a part of helping our family, at this point in time here is how I best know you can do that:

  • Meals. I did not think that having meals brought to our house would be as big of a deal as it has been. But its been huge! By the time we get to dinner all of us are exhausted, stressed, and on edge so to have a meal prepared is an amazing gift. If you’d like to help, our wonderful friend Erika Albright has volunteered to coordinate this. Go through her ’cause she makes everything easier and keeps my clouded brain from messing up all the scheduling! Find her on my facebook friends (http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=688805708) or email her at: ealbright2k3 AT gmail DOT com
  • Texting. For the last two months we’ve been flying by the seat of our pants. We don’t very well know what we’re doing tomorrow or what we’ll be up for doing the day after that. Because of this iIt’s been the little surprise and random things that have brought some great joys. We’ve found that some of the greatest and most subtle gifts are from those who randomly text things like “can I grab you a coffee right now” or “can we get you anything tonight” or “do you want us to stop by at all today”. Text messages like this allow us to easily say “No, we’re good” or ” No, we want to just be alone right now” OR “yes, please, we’re dying for Krispe Kreme!” or “Please come play with my children before I kill them.” We don’t do scheduling well these days, but we do SOS texting quite effectively. (if you do not have my number and want it, email or facebook me. ryan@renovatus.com)
  • Finances. I have to be honest and say that we have absolutely no idea what lies ahead for us financially. There’s obviously going to be mounds of medical bills–but even beyond that we have two difficult realities that we’re working with. First off Jess is not working right now both because her job as a teacher limits Summer job opportunities and because of the nature of what we’re going through she does not really have time to work! Secondly, my job, my role, my calling is in starting a new Jesus movement here in the downtown Vancouver community. The Grassroots Conspiracy (as we’re calling it) is just taking root…and yet I do not know what lies ahead for me and therefore for my leadership of this movement. Financially speaking it was at this exact moment right now that I had been planning on solidifying Grassroots Conspiracy’s financial future through continued fundraising and possibly a part time job on Main Street…and now all this. We are beginning dialog with some respected people trying to figure out what all this looks like, but until then, and in response to people’s question regarding financial need–here are ways you can help financially:
    • Come to the July 14th fund raiser hosted at Pop Culture! It should be a blast and I think they’ve got some great music and stuff planned. It’s from 7-9 and all ages are welcome! (you can find its facebook page titled “Fundraiser for Ryan Woods!”)
    • Online gifts. Due to my role as a church planter (another way of saying we’re starting a Jesus movement) we’re able to receive both special gifts and reoccurring gifts through this website. It safe, secure, and fairly simple. http://su.pr/1VwRyQ Again, while we’re uncertain what, how, or if we should continue the fund raising process for our work, if you would like to be a part of getting us through this, this is one easy way.
    • Snail Mail. Similar to above, if you would like to send a check to help our family with medical expenses or whatever you can do so by sending PO Box 873575 Vancouver, WA 98687 written to “Renovatus” and marked for Ryan Woods.
    • Columbia Credit Union. Our local bank was kind enough to offer to setup a donation account. If you live in the ‘Couve and it is easier, you can go into any Columbia Credit Union and say my name or give them this number #444289 and donate directly into the setup account.
  • Garden. This one may seem a little out of left field…but I love my garden…and yet I’m kind of helpless to take care of it as I should! I tried and succeeded one day in watering my front and back garden areas only to realize that it about killed my body for the rest of the day. If you ever want to help water my garden in the morning, or help tie up my growing sugar snap peas, etc. I’d love the help! The best way would be the texting approach, to drop a text offering to come over and water would be easy and would allow me to say “yes please!” or “No, my mom is here and is taking care of it”…now if we could only get some sun up here in the NW!
  • So much more. I realize there is so much more I could write. I have tried to focus on the immediate practical needs–but at this point much of my time is spent in prayer, in research, in learning about clinical trials, in learning about what resources are available to us a part of the spinal cancer family, etc. Many of you are praying, many of you have shared information regarding research, and many of you know resources. I know there are many ways here that y’all can help and I’m wide open to receive it.

Thank you all for your love, your care, your support, and your prayer. You are making love more and more tangible in my life and I cannot say thank you enough.