Category Archives: Choice

My Friend is Dying

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I had a strange conversation with a regular at work tonight. He’s been coming in since the restaurant opened. He used to come in with his partner and they ordered the same drinks every time (a brandy manhattan and a gin martini) and generally the same food. Since his partner died two years ago he stopped drinking and started coming in for the community instead of the food. I know this because he only ever eats two bites before he’s finished. He is 77 years old and alone. I’m not trying to play this up more than it is. He has a sister in Arizona who cannot afford to fly here (he says even for his funeral) and he occasionally has a friend or two join him at the restaurant. But he was going to be alone on Christmas until an employee at the restaurant invited him to their house.

Anyway, tonight I asked him why he didn’t order his regular dessert and he said it was because he was feeling sick. “I’m loosing weight you know” he said. When I asked him about it he said that he was dying. “It’s a losing battle. My body is done and my time is short. I won’t be around much longer.” Fighting against awkwardness and finding it easy to ignore my duties as the manager that night I asked him what it felt like to know or think that your life is nearly done. “I”m OK with it, you can’t grow old and be a sissy! I’m ready to go because I have lived a full life and I’ve been everywhere I want to go. My only fear is that I will outlive my body. Nothing terrifies me more than losing my independence.” “Do you have someone to take care of you if that happens?” He said that he didn’t, that his sister lives far away and can barely afford her own life let alone his.

Somehow the conversation turned to Winston Churchill at this point. He recommended his favorite Churchill biography and I wrote down the title. He told me a story or two about Churchill and FDR, how for a longtime Churchill was the leader of the free world. I told him that I was taking an extended leave of absence from the restaurant and he said he’d miss me. I got his address and phone number and suggested that we find a way to talk when I’m done working.

He has ridden his motorcycle across the United States, he’s worked as a newspaper reporter, owned a publishing company in Hollywood, seen the death of his parter of 37 years, travled around the world multiple times, and now he prefers to watch TV and read books.

I think that I would fear losing my independence too if I was without community. I think that when you live in community you’ve already experienced what it’s like to lose your independence and it no longer seems quite as terrifying. I want my friend to live with my family, to not die alone. I probably should have said something about hope in the resurrection or something like that (I mean, I am a church planter) but I just listened instead.

The New Normal

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My wife is always in a form of crisis. You see, her personality is such that she’s a dreamer. She’s an entrepreneur at heart, someone who loves starting things and getting others to carry them out. Her crisis comes because she struggles with a discontent because of her desire to be somewhere else, to be someone else, or to do something different. Over the years it has been a wonderful blessing for our family!

Right now, however, one of her critiques is that we’ve lost our “hippie” way. It has been a process over the last four years of us learning new things, making new commitments, and cultivating new passions. Nothing necessarily huge…cloth diapering, chemical free, organic food, gardening, riding bikes, taking the bus, etc. It’s simple stuff that many of us, if not most of us do. But lately…wait for it…we’ve begun to use paper plates occasionally! We’ve gotten addicted to (as my previous post shared) X Factor on youtube! We didn’t take the bus at all during the summer! We use ziplock bags and plastic tupperware!

Ok, so you’ve made it thus far, here is what the post has been working toward. Through my wife’s worries over our use of paper products and therefore the compromise of our ideals, we were able to notice something interesting. At first certain choices are incredibly hard. It takes constant remembering and a willingness/ability to make continual new and different choices. It’s hard. At times its exhausting. Other times making new life choices is real easy at first as you have the excitement factor motivating and encouraging you. In these situations its not until a few months into it that you hit a wall and you question why you ever even went down this road! I think this is true of breaking your addiction to creating excess garbage and waste in your home and breaking your addiction to nicotine in its different forms (obviously, this is a very loose connection that is not equal on both sides!) BUT…BUT, the wonderful place that we’ve found ourselves with some of those life changes we’ve made in the last four years is that we don’t even notice them! What was, at one point, a constant annoying choice is now second nature. I don’t even notice that we don’t use chemicals. I don’t miss them and rarely remember that we don’t have them in our home. It’s become normal, routine…

I don’t know about you, but there are certain things in my life right now that I crave to become routine and normal. There are some painful choices, annoying choices, and constant choices that just get old to make even though I know they’re the right choices to make!

I hope you find yourself wanting to make new choices, and anticipating the day that those choices become your new normal, your new ground floor to which you can continue to build up on. What a blessing it is to choose.

The Freedom to Choose

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I know a missionary who after returning “home” to America from doing mission work in Africa for some 15 years found himself sobbing in the cereal aisle as he stood there by himself with so many choices he did not know what to do. Where he had been living for the last 15 years his number of choices for nearly everything was limited to one or two items. But all of a sudden he came face to face with the culture shock of have an innumerable number of choices for something even as mundane as breakfast cereal.

In our culture choice has become the new God. Supposedly* the worst thing we can do in our world is to not allow someone the right to choose what they want, when they want it, and how they want it. We are inundated not simply with options, but so many choices that we have even created theology where God is the ultimate chooser. Which job should I take, which dining set should I buy, which china should adorn our dining room table, what restaurant should we go to, which car should I buy…and we beseech the almighty God to make his will clear for our lives because the most important thing to us is that we do not choose poorly. This blog is not even intended to go into the debates that Christians have surrounded themselves with concerning choice: abortion, gay marriage, assisted suicide, health care, and I’m sure the list could go on.

But I want to pause here because I believe there is a hypocrisy in our culture concerning the illusion of choice. I do not know who is at fault, if anybody is, but I do see it and I do believe it must be addressed. You’ll notice earlier that I threw out the word “supposedly” concerning the freedom to choose. Because while this is an underlying assumption, while there is outcry over those those whose choices have been taken away or not allowed like gay or lesbians for example, we have become perfectly comfortable with a level of suppression that pervades our society. I see this in two ways.

  1. Those who are on the outskirts of society, the poor, the elderly, homeless, etc. have been told (in many different ways) that they have no power to choose. Statistically those who grew up in the system of poverty will stay in the system of poverty. Welfare is setup in such a way so as to create suckers, feeders of the system. You are not rewarded for finding work or trying to better yourself. Trust me, I could tell you a number of stories of people who have lost, for example, their food and health benefits from the state that totaled $500 because their income went up $300. What does that teach those in poverty? Don’t make more money! The major blessing for those in poverty with regard to welfare is to have more children ’cause you get more benefits! We shut up the elderly in homes so that we don’t have to care for them. We tell them that their value is in staying to themselves, playing bingo, and knitting afghans that nobody will use.
  2. I should have clarified my previous statements because I do not see this second thing as a suppression of choice but rather a perversion of choice. We have so valued choice in our culture that it is destroying us. Watch Jerry Springer for a moment and count how many times you hear someone say something along the lines of “It’s my body, I’ll do what I want.” or “You can tell me what to do!” Somehow our primary expressions of choice have brought addiction and oppression. Off the top of my head here is a list of things that have become regular in our society through the guise of choice: overeating, using chemicals to grow our food, destroying the earth through pollution, killing babies and damaging pregnant mothers, teenage pregnancy, sex trafficking, the myth of materialism…the list could go on for a long time! Our freedom to choose is killing us! No, seriously, that’s not hyperbole but its both an expression and very much a reality that our freedom to choose has become the thing that is destroying both our physical bodies our our emotional selves (not to mention the spiritual aspect of this that I believe pervades both the physical and emotional).

As I read the stories about the life and work of Jesus, however, I see him constantly empowering people for new choice. Yes, he helps people through physical healing, but it nearly always included a “Go and sin no more” clause at the end. In his teaching, like the Sermon on the Mount specifically, I see him teaching a bunch of down-and-outs that there is blessing in being poor in spirit, in being meek, humble, persecuted, desiring justice, and to be in a place of mourning. I see Jesus teaching a message that says that “you have the freedom to make new and healthy choices! The world tells you that you’re poor but I tell you that it’s actually a blessing to be poor in spirit because the kingdom is filled with them. The world gives you reason to be in constant mourning, but I tell you that it’s actually a blessing ’cause you’ll know comfort more than any others. The world has not shown you justice and so you therefore desire it above all else, but I tell you that this desire is a blessing because if you’re seeking justice you will find it!” I see Jesus taking those whose choices have been seemingly removed from them and he is giving them hope that they have freedom to choose even in the midst of their suffering.

At the church that Jessica will be planting in a year and a half we have crafted a core value that says:

Choice-God’s love is a gift that has not only transformed our future hope but gives us the possibility for restored lives today. Intentionally living out this reality is a gift that can be chosen by any follower of his. We are given the gift of choice.

But is this just one more choice in the midsts of a world inundated with choices? Is the choice to enter into kingdom living that eventually culminates in a clearly heavenly kingdom just one more choice in a world thats overrun with choices? Or is there something different about the message and the method?