Building off of the previous two blog posts about staying put I feel compelled to write about my friend Christie’s appropriate question:
But what happens when you have done all the stuff and the majority of your neighbors could care less about what you are doing and are even a little annoyed by it?
That’s often the reality isn’t it? The problem with churches, the problem with business, the problem with our neighborhoods is that people ruin everything! If it weren’t for people I could have a killer neighborhood. (where’s a sarcasm mark when you need it?)
Seriously though, while I firmly believe that the individualism, hectic lifestyle, and materialism we’ve bought into in our culture are completely and utterly hallow and do not play a part in creating a life or a future worth living–they are still a magnetic draw to each and every one of us! It’s like a blue-lighted bug zapper that carries with it a strange and mysterious attraction even unto the bugs death. We are drawn to it.
So what do we do when our neighbors don’t care, don’t reciprocate, or even worse what if they find it offensive? Are there any ideas we can hold onto in the midst of the epic obstacle known as real people? Here are some of my random thoughts…
- Don’t forget the why–We are not responsible for changing people. The reason we commit to a people and a place (in my humble opinion) is because it’s redemptive and because it’s a better way to live. While we hope it is productive our goal is not production. Healthy relationships are never driven merely by production.
- Invitation and Imagination– Part of our role is to stretch the imagination of those around us. People might not respond immediately and we may never be witnesses to their response, but our hope is that by living differently and with intentionality we will stretch the imagination of those around us concerning how life can be experienced. It is an invitational stance, it’s a posture that invites others into new choices without pressure to do so.
- Patience–Patience sucks but it’s essential. Change rarely happens quickly. Stability kind of necessitates a long term approach.
- Hospitality– Hospitality is going to include rejection at times. Just remember that we’re being changed as much if not more than those around us.
- Baggage and Process– We can’t forget that we all have baggage and that everything is a process! We don’t know what baggage our neighbors are carrying (though on a larger neighborhood level it’s a great thing to find old storytellers in order to learn some of the baggage and blessing that the neighborhood itself already carries) we don’t know what hurts and past choices continue to define their response to you or those around them. Additionally we can’t forget that we’re all at different stages in a process of growth. I find that oftentimes my frustration is that you’re not at the place I’m at in my process! It makes me mad that you’re in a different place…and that’s a me problem not a you problem.
- Context– There’s no getting around the fact that some places are harder than others to make a dent. When there are no home owners its going to be harder. Where there are more single parents it’s going to be harder (more opportunities to serve but…man are those parents busy trying to simply survive!). Where there are more fences, garage doors, larger yards, or when there’s just an abundance of seemingly mean people it’s going to be more difficult. I don’t know if this means we just give up when we find ourselves in these types of places or if we buckle down and live more sacrificially…but I do know that some places are just hard.
- No loners— Practicing stability by yourself is hard. There’s a difference when people witness/experience somebody living differently and when they witness somebodies. Seeing a nice person is different from observing an alternative community. If we want to truly see neighborhood change I think its imperative that we have co-conspirators, that we don’t go it alone but work in partnership from the ground up. This will both sustain us as individuals and it will more likely create lasting change.
- Assumptions rob your soul– This is connected to #5, but assumptions about how neighbors should or will respond will absolutely kill you and rob your soul of the joy of giving. Assumptions rob you of the opportunity to extend grace in real and authentic ways. Being aware of our assumptions will allow us greater freedom in giving and will in and of itself give additional blessing to those around us.
- Just do it– When it comes down to it all we can do it just choose to do it. Regardless of outcome, regardless of reciprocity, regardless of everything that might fail our best option is simply to step out on a limb and practice radical hospitality because we believe that it’s the right thing to do. The hope (the ridiculous and audacious hope) is that either now or later love will win out.
I think I’ve figured out that I do better handling physical pain than I do the monotony of exhaustion, queasiness, and discomfort. Physical pain functions somewhat as an enemy that I can fight against while the other stuff seems to keep me more depressed and unplugged from life. It creeps up on you and doesn’t give you a direct enemy to stand up against. So I spend most of my week sleeping though Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I have a bit more energy. Saturday is reserved for my family, Sunday is my big social day as we have our community meal (though few realize that following the meal I literally sleep/rest from 4 ’till the next morning!), and Monday ends up being filled with prep for the week ahead(counting out pills, doing bills, etc.).
At any given moment my bed will be covered by a number of different blankets. Each one tells a story.
There are many people in downtown Vancouver who I have not yet met but whom I know of. They’re people that I am aware that I should meet and I know that it’s only a matter of time ’till I do.