The dentist keeps calling me. I think it has something to do with the fact that I haven’t had a cleaning in eight years. It also might have to do with the fact that I missed my last appointment. Either way it’s caused me to get awkwardly introspective and thoughtful concerning the entire idea of visiting the dentist.

I’ve got no evidence (and wikipedia in fact would disagree with me) to back any of this up but I’m pretty sure that dental hygiene is a modern innovation (except for England where it hasn’t quite made it). The ancient Roman’s didn’t have toothbrushes did they? Did they wear braces? Get their teeth sealed? Whitened? Bridges, caps, fillings? Had toothpaste been invented? Did they scrub their teeth with horse hair brushes?

I’m done brushing. I’m going to stop eating sugar and start eating only beans and rice. I’m going to stop brushing my teeth and I’m not calling that dentist back because they represent everything that’s wrong with America.*

In other news I’d like to apologize for this post.

*I can’t back this statement up either but I think common sense would validate this as accurate. If not common sense than women’s intuition.