Storytelling

Below I’ve included a story from a friend at mine from Outback. She’s a single mom and has an amazing perspective to give us concerning church. If you get (and read) my newsletter then you’ve already read this post. If you do not read or receive my newsletter, this will be a good post for you to read. I want you to read it in a specific way however, beyond just gaining new perspective. I have had more responses concerning Ambers article than anything else I’ve ever written because it specifically speaks for a group of people that need a voice. Here’s the important part, YOU have a story. Amber’s story isn’t flashy, it isn’t exceedingly special or exciting. It’s just life. So often we trick ourselves into believing that our stories, our lives, can have little impact in the world. Often we believe that our story is not worth sharing.

Wrong.

Here’s what Amber had to say:

I have one child, a boy. He’s almost eleven. He’s witty and smart and he challenges my patience on a daily basis. I’ve been a single mom for nearly four years now. My attempt at finding a church as a single mom was primarily driven by my    desire to seek out likeminded people for fellowship    and support because I REALLY, REALLY needed it.    We all do. Out of the three churches I erratically attended, I never really got past the introductions; no one invited me join their activities after the service or to their Bible study later that week. I never quite felt like I was a part of the larger picture. Sure, I talked to people. When I dropped off my son at Sunday School other parents would ask me if it was my first time, who I came with and was my husband in the sanctuary. Dialogue ended when I said that; no it    wasn’t my first time, I just came with my son. I found that even though I was of the right age, I didn’t fit with the single college age parishioners and since I wasn’t married I wasn’t really welcomed into the married with kids crowd either. I felt like a square peg in a round hole. If after a while I didn’t find fellowship and support at the church I was attending, I stopped going to that particular church and moved on. When I say I was seeking fellowship with likeminded people, I’m not saying I was looking for other single mothers or a single mothers group, I’m saying I was looking for fellowship with other Christians in general. Perhaps people had trouble reaching out to me because they didn’t fully understand what it’s like to be a single parent or because they felt they couldn’t relate. In my experience it was similar to what I imagine it feels like to become a widow except that you’re received differently. You’re both losing a spouse and you’re hurting. You are both in a huge grieving process. In both situations your children are grieving and confused. Not only is there a physical loss, but you have no spiritual head, you are financially and emotionally at a loss. Except with a death, people don’t assume that you did something wrong or that it was your choice. You don’t receive compassion when people hear that you are divorced that you would receive had your spouse passed away. When your spouse dies you have people reaching out to you, offering to fix the garbage disposal, wanting to be a male presence for your son. In no way am I trying to downplay what it’s like to become a widow/er, it’s not the exact same, but the comparison between the two situations and the way they are received may be helpful to those trying to understand what exactly single parents experience and what they are looking for in a church family. A lot of single parents that live in the area of your church plant need more than a single parents group where they can share their stories, they can find that anywhere. Many single parents must rely on public social services to help them get by. A church that is on the forefront of providing love and services to single parents and children in crisis in a neighborhood where divorced and unmarried parents are the majority is a rare thing. Getting enough food, getting legal advice forcustody or abuse issues, resume help and job leads are things that many single parents struggle with. Sometimes if their incomes are low enough they can qualify for public services to help and maybe they can put their children on the waiting list to get a “Lunch Buddy” at school or a “Big Brother/Big Sister” mentor. But what all of these public services are missing is love. The love of a Christian “Big Brother” or the love of a Christian business offering the former stay at home mom a temp job. Reaching out to people has to go further than handing them a program and showing them a seat. You’ve got to engage people, not see their differences as threatening but as a way to reach them.

Update

Last night I skipped out of Renovatus’ worship gathering in order to spend some time in Salem with the Soma community. It was wonderful. What a neat community with lots of younger people who are eager to follow Jesus in radical ways. Jess and I were blessed to be able to share with them some of what God has been doing in us and some of what our church planting plans are.

I could probably write more but I don’t want to. I’m going to enjoy today with my family. Tonight my sons school (2-5 year olds!) are puting on a Spring program. It is 100% created by the children. Each of them creates their own character and then together they write a story. Jones’ character is a red blood cell rock star. Needless to say it’s going to be a great night.

A Letter to the Perverts

I want to use words in this post that would not be appropriate for this venue. They may not be typed out, but they are being screamed out from this side of the computer screen. You’re disgusting, you’re perverted, and if I met you right now I’d want to hurt you in many ways. I know that you do it because you’ve been so badly hurt, I know that there are probably reasons for your perversions, for your twisted view of pleasure and what is normal. But right now I’m just furious and don’t want to think about the fact that God loves you, Jesus died for you, and all that wonderfully true stuff.

In many ways it is my fault. We are in the process of backing up all our home photos on Flickr. And it turns out I wasn’t paying good attention as I was uploading the first 5000 photos. I uploaded some of my kids naked. You know, bathtub pictures, diaper changing pictures, etc. As it turns out any picture that had any form of my naked children has received numerous views. And by “any form” I mean even upper thigh, naked baby butt, and hospital newborn photos. It sickens me to think of the perverts looking at the naked pictures of my children, but I’ve done everything I can (deleted them from the account) to prevent it from happening any more. Part of what sickens me too is that some of “those” people have been in my family. I’ve eaten Thanksgiving lunch with “those” people. And many of “those” people live in these neighborhoods that we will be planting a church in.

Sick.

I know Jesus loves you…

But you’re sick.

May God one day redeem you from your perversion.

In general “we” is a good term to use. I like to think that my general thought patterns happen in a “we” context. I value community, I believe it’s core to how God has created us to live and breathe…but I’ve created a problem, and it is not of noble origins.

Apparently, there are many times where I say “we” when I should be saying “me”. I’ve heard this from my wife today which reminded me of when I heard it from a friend a while back Apparently I say things like “yeah we really suck at that” when in reality I’m no good and I’m just including that person with me. Other times I say “we’ve really got to get better about picking up after ourseves (you can insert any chore here)” what has happened with my wife is that me saying that ends up communicating to her that SHE needs to start picking up after herself. Because I wouldn’t include her in the mix unless I was thinking that she was needing to do it. I guess that most people speak about themselves, “I need to start taking out the trash every day” or “I’m really terrible at this game!” I’d like to think that I do this because of my intense love of community…but the sad reality is that probably deep down it makes me feel better to be miserable with someone else. Not too noble eh?

I guess we’ll all need to work on this.

The Holy Land Experience

I nearly forked over the $30 to go to the Holy Land Experience when I was in Florida. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to travel to Florida in order to spend a day at the Wilderness Tabernacle exhibit:

The wondrous and mysterious Wilderness Tabernacle was the heart of worship for the children of Israel as they wandered in the desert following their exodus from Egyptian captivity. Watch the High Priest and experience a live presentation that explains the intricate details of the tabernacle and its prescribed rituals.

Or how about the opportunity to allow your children to view the crucifixion and resurrection at a live presentation done every 30 minutes at the Calvary’s Garden Tomb Exhibit:

Follow the Via Dolorosa, the road on which Christ carried the cross, to Calvary’s Garden Tomb. Spend time resting, praying, or reflecting on the meaning and significance of the empty tomb. Atop the hill stand the crosses of Golgotha, where Jesus was crucified and died for the sins of the world.

Or, if you’re lucky you can take a picture with Moses and his famous stone tablets!

Ok, so here’s my real thoughts with all the sarcasm taken out. This whole Holy Land Experience theme park really disturbs me. I’m imagining the God who fashioned a whip to kick out those who looked to exploit the temple by turning it into a market place. I’m imagining the God who chose to leave heaven in order to live like a poor, enslaved, and eventually tortured human being. I’m imagining the God who was creative enough to make naked mole rats and giraffes. And, well, none of those things seem to fit with the Holy Land Experience. A market place, turning the crucifixion into an attraction, and creativity that is more like poor mimicry than anything else.

Something seems off. I think I’d take my kids to Disneyworld…even if Disney is The Man.