Category Archives: family

My Apologies to the Fam

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As far as I am beginning to see it I have two real options. One is to embrace my faith tradition and move forward as a part of a story and the other is to reject it and move forward as an orphan. I did not used to see things with this dichotomy, nor did I care much. More recently I’ve come to a place where I desired to embrace my immediate church history as long as it carried an asterisk that allowed an explanation of how my current expression was different in this way, that way, or another. In other words, even in my semi-embrace of my tradition I have been ashamed of it–embarrassed that people might get the wrong idea, that I might get lumped in with baggage that I have rejected. In reality, however, I question whether or not its even possible to reject your baggage and move forward without it. Even in the act of rejecting it, the baggage that you’ve rejected has caused you to make a specific choice in the present and therefore is a part of both your present and your future.

As I wrote in my previous post, an embrace requires a sense of vulnerability, and it is this exact vulnerability that I desire to avoid with regard to my church background. I am a part of the churches of Christ. I might disagree with some of their general principles and practices but they are my family. I might look different than many of their more common expressions…but not as wholly different than I might have previously thought.

We were not made to be orphans, we were made to inhabit a story, to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. This is where community comes into play. Community and family are never pretty, but they provide a sense of belonging. Our stories provide us a compass for the future, a larger narrative that will help to direct our dreams for tomorrow. Choosing to be an orphan, a lone wolf, or an island is a dangerous game and one that I’m coming to believe leads to loneliness, resentment, and aimlessness.

With that all said I would like to make a formal apology to Campbell, Stone, Raccoon, Lipscomb, Garfield, and even David Robinson. See you next Christmas.

Why Atheism Makes Sense

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“Its your fault.”

Nobody likes to hear those words. When they’re true words they sting terribly. When they’re inaccurate words they can infuriate or confuse. I don’t know what is more difficult, saying “It’s my fault” or hearing someone else say “it’s your fault”.

For those who are following Jesus we have chosen to freely say “it’s my fault” haven’t we? Should we take great freedom in owning our mistakes, our screw ups, and our baggage? Doesn’t integrity, purity, and humility require it?

It’s way past time for Christians to take full ownership of the baggage that we’ve created, of the crap that trails behind us because of our choices. We cannot hold onto the beautiful Christlike figures such as Mother Teresa from our past while at the same time completely disowning the negative stories of our past. Our past is our past. It’s ours whether we like it or not. We might (and should) vehemently disagree with stuff done in our past, but that doesn’t change the fact that its a part of my story. When I look at my family history I can identify some pretty hefty baggage that I would love to disown. But to disown it is to allow it to continue to control my present and future reality. By taking a permanent marker to whole sentences, paragraphs, or scenes of my families history I am allowing those moments to hide under the cloak of darkness–I am allowing them to fester, infect, and secretly inform my reality. The same is true of our churches.

I am tired of Christians not owning up to the crap that has happened in our past (sadly it’s often a much more present reality than it is a past event). When Christians were in power during medieval times we were not the salt of the earth, we were not bearers of light, hope, peace, and love. We did not do well when we had power. If I were less politically ignorant I am certain there could be similar statements made to the power that the church has possessed in America as well. The way that Christians have treated single mothers, gay and lesbians, and our enemies (think: liberals or Arabs) is something to be ashamed of. Even if you completely abhor the way Christians have been abusive toward our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, you must also be humble enough to in some way say “it’s my fault” or at the very least “i’m sorry” for what my people have done. We’ve got to take ownership of our baggage! Anything less is to stay in darkness, anything less is to push humility, graciousness, kindness, and purity to the margins of our beliefs and practices in preference of holding onto what seems to me as some form of pride.

Regardless of your philosophy, theology, etc. I believe we can recognize that atheism has some solid footing doesn’t it? If Christianity worked it would be much harder to question it–let me clarify that statement. When a snapshot of Christian movement reveals a bevy of “one man, one woman” stickers, giant churches with giant budgets that are spent on giant screens and giant espresso machines, pastors whose major pursuit is to become some form of preaching rockstar, Christians who primarily talk about “whether they’re getting something out of it (church)”…I’m digging myself a ditch aren’t I? Oh well, when a snapshot of how Christianity “works” produces that…I can understand atheism (or any other form of rejection of a loving God) completely. Why would I want to believe in that? If, however, a snapshot of Christianity produced something that was more in tune with the life and ministry of Jesus…I wonder how things would be different.

So lets take ownership of the screwy things we’ve done in the past, the present, and the things we’ll do in the future. If we’re willing to own it then we’re able to truly pursue genuine forgiveness, reconciliation, and partnership. Lets better cultivate a culture of humility, brokenness, honesty, peace, and love!

I know that often times we can use grace language to avoid this type of discussion. We talk about how we’re all screwed up, how even Christians make terrible mistakes and all that jazz and that we can celebrate that we’re saved by God’s grace alone. But it’s exactly for those reasons that we should immediately be ready to live out of a place of humility–willing to ask for forgiveness and take ownership of our (epic) failures.

Christians are responsible for many wonderful and beautiful things throughout history. I hope that you don’t think that this blog represents my whole opinion of the church or of Christian history. Rather I see a problem with our willingness to respond to our baggage and it is out of this observation that I write this post. As I always attempt to do, I speak first to myself. I admit that I am being judgmental toward certain parties but am willing to err on judging one side of people a little too much than to err on the side of defending those who victimize the oppressed. And I see the act of celebrating and protecting the status quo as an act of supporting the victimization of the oppressed.

So to all of you single mothers who have not found church to be a safe place to find support both for you as a woman and for your child who might be missing out on a healthy father figure…I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve found it easier to ignore you than to come beside you. I’m sorry that you’ve had to be alone in that deeply difficult journey of paying bills, working a job, and raising kids all by yourself.

To all of you of the GLBT community I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you have not been welcome to the conversation of faith. I’m sorry that for much of my life I spoke about you rather than with you. I’m sorry that I have been more concerned with being right than being nice. I’m sorry I chose not to listen to you and therefore not value you as a beautiful creation of God.

To all of you who have been affected by war I am sorry. I’m sorry that I am so addicted to my lifestyle that I am a part of the system that demands oil. I’m sorry that we’ve sent you who are soldiers across the world and ask you to do things that damage your heart and your future. I’m sorry to those of you who have lived in a place ravaged by war, who have seen your homes and neighborhoods destroyed by it. I’m sorry that at one point in my life easily justified war as if the victims did not have families, the soldiers did not experience hell, and it was a good thing.

To all of you who think differently than me about faith, Christianity, the Bible, how to do church…I’m sorry. I’m sorry that this blog might come across as offensive to you. I’m sorry if I wrote this poorly or did not communicate my thoughts and my heart graciously. I love people and I wouldn’t intentionally be offensive if you were sitting here in my living room.

I’ve said enough already. peace.

Spontaneity and Proximity

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I’ve thought about calling it “proxineity” but I think that might bring confusion. Spontaneity and proximity are two basic and core realities for people to do life together. They go hand in hand, one relies on the other. Proximity leads to spontaneity.

As we work toward planting Renovatus’ daughter church plant in downtown Vancouver, the more we talk about doing life together, about being a community, and about being the church the more we are finding spontaneity and proximity to be necessities. Doing life together in a way that both allows for the planned occasions and encourages the spontaneous gatherings cultivates a more authentic sense of community. Are we really doing life together when I always wash my face, get the lint of my sweaters, and vacuum my floors before we gather? Or is a new sense of authenticity developed when a fellow worshiper sees my home in its disheveled state, when a neighbor sleeps on my couch, or when a friend sees my wife and I argue. This reality of spontaneity and proximity allows community to enter

into a place of vulnerability and openness. It becomes messy and dangerous, it requires more of you, and causes you to ask yourself if you are willing to follow through with your commitment to follow Jesus down the path of dying to yourself. Dying to self is easy when I am able to get ready first. But dying to self on my neighbors timing—on God’s timing is much more difficult!

While creating and maintaining boundaries is an essential aspect of healthy community, these boundaries can only be created and enforced when a communal context allows sufficient space for boundary intrusion. There is no place for healthy boundaries if there is no proximity to others or if there is no spontaneity in your life because essentially your boundaries have already kept others away!

As we look for partners to work with us in downtown Vancouver one of the first questions we ask is whether or not you are willing to live downtown. This is because we believe that proximity leads to spontaneity, and spontaneity fosters a deeper experience of community that is harder, more transformational, and a more powerful testimony of gospel in our community—a testimony that is desperately needed.

* This article was originally written for my June 2010 newsletter. You can access my newsletters here.

Surgery

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Will you all be praying today for my mother-in-law Pam as she goes in for a double mastectomy today at noon. We have only been aware of the cancer for one week now and are praying hard that it has not spread to her lymph nodes. It’s great to be a part of a faith community though! Her church is providing meals (among other things) for her and her husband. And even Jessica and I are being cared for and blessed by Renovatus. We may not be orphans or widows, but i’m pretty sure that James would be willing to define this as pure religion.

peace.