Below I’ve included a story from a friend at mine from Outback. She’s a single mom and has an amazing perspective to give us concerning church. If you get (and read) my newsletter then you’ve already read this post. If you do not read or receive my newsletter, this will be a good post for you to read. I want you to read it in a specific way however, beyond just gaining new perspective. I have had more responses concerning Ambers article than anything else I’ve ever written because it specifically speaks for a group of people that need a voice. Here’s the important part, YOU have a story. Amber’s story isn’t flashy, it isn’t exceedingly special or exciting. It’s just life. So often we trick ourselves into believing that our stories, our lives, can have little impact in the world. Often we believe that our story is not worth sharing.

Wrong.

Here’s what Amber had to say:

I have one child, a boy. He’s almost eleven. He’s witty and smart and he challenges my patience on a daily basis. I’ve been a single mom for nearly four years now. My attempt at finding a church as a single mom was primarily driven by my    desire to seek out likeminded people for fellowship    and support because I REALLY, REALLY needed it.    We all do. Out of the three churches I erratically attended, I never really got past the introductions; no one invited me join their activities after the service or to their Bible study later that week. I never quite felt like I was a part of the larger picture. Sure, I talked to people. When I dropped off my son at Sunday School other parents would ask me if it was my first time, who I came with and was my husband in the sanctuary. Dialogue ended when I said that; no it    wasn’t my first time, I just came with my son. I found that even though I was of the right age, I didn’t fit with the single college age parishioners and since I wasn’t married I wasn’t really welcomed into the married with kids crowd either. I felt like a square peg in a round hole. If after a while I didn’t find fellowship and support at the church I was attending, I stopped going to that particular church and moved on. When I say I was seeking fellowship with likeminded people, I’m not saying I was looking for other single mothers or a single mothers group, I’m saying I was looking for fellowship with other Christians in general. Perhaps people had trouble reaching out to me because they didn’t fully understand what it’s like to be a single parent or because they felt they couldn’t relate. In my experience it was similar to what I imagine it feels like to become a widow except that you’re received differently. You’re both losing a spouse and you’re hurting. You are both in a huge grieving process. In both situations your children are grieving and confused. Not only is there a physical loss, but you have no spiritual head, you are financially and emotionally at a loss. Except with a death, people don’t assume that you did something wrong or that it was your choice. You don’t receive compassion when people hear that you are divorced that you would receive had your spouse passed away. When your spouse dies you have people reaching out to you, offering to fix the garbage disposal, wanting to be a male presence for your son. In no way am I trying to downplay what it’s like to become a widow/er, it’s not the exact same, but the comparison between the two situations and the way they are received may be helpful to those trying to understand what exactly single parents experience and what they are looking for in a church family. A lot of single parents that live in the area of your church plant need more than a single parents group where they can share their stories, they can find that anywhere. Many single parents must rely on public social services to help them get by. A church that is on the forefront of providing love and services to single parents and children in crisis in a neighborhood where divorced and unmarried parents are the majority is a rare thing. Getting enough food, getting legal advice forcustody or abuse issues, resume help and job leads are things that many single parents struggle with. Sometimes if their incomes are low enough they can qualify for public services to help and maybe they can put their children on the waiting list to get a “Lunch Buddy” at school or a “Big Brother/Big Sister” mentor. But what all of these public services are missing is love. The love of a Christian “Big Brother” or the love of a Christian business offering the former stay at home mom a temp job. Reaching out to people has to go further than handing them a program and showing them a seat. You’ve got to engage people, not see their differences as threatening but as a way to reach them.