I realized this morning that I tend to mock things that I don’t understand. This realization wasn’t a joke, it was a genuine awareness that when I don’t really “get” something I somehow end up mocking it. Uber conservatism is an example. I don’t really get why/how people believe that stuff and therefore end up making jokes about it. It’s a bad habit, a destructive habit, and a potentially hurtful habit. I should stop. And I will. Tomorrow.
But sometimes, I realized, it can be a pretty funny habit. What if I started mocking everything I didn’t understand… literally everything…including trigonometry or organic chemistry. So without further adieu here’s my first “I’m Mocking You Because I Don’t Understand You” list:
- Hey music theory, why don’t you find something better and more productive to do. Notes are for telling people thank you. Loser.
- Hey laser pens, yeah thanks a lot for helping me to point at my Powerpoint slide show. I only wish there was another easier way to do it…oh wait, I have a finger.
- Hey you, cellular technology, thanks for the radiation in my ear lobes.
- Black and white, are you colors? Are you the absence of colors? Or what? I may not know exactly what you are, but I’m pretty sure you’re boring. Go hang out with purple and learn to have a good time.
- Hey Dow Jones…who are you and why did you eat all of America’s jobs? Hungry? Try a hot pocket next time. Dow Jones jerk.
- Dear Colin Powell, why isn’t your name Collin? Thats kind of weird, maybe you should stop being weird. Weirdo.
- Hey there Ugh boots, you’re Ugh-ly. You make me want to Ugh-chuck my dinner.