Do you ever feel like you’re taking crazy pills? Seriously, I feel like I’m so out of the loop on this one that I must be nuts. If I called myself P diddy, Snoop Dogg, Ice Cube, or Gnarles Barkley and tried to be cool or tough or bad ass or whatever…I’d accomplish none of those feats. Those aren’t bad ass names! Those are kiddie names. Right? Am I crazy? Even if you’re holding a gun I’m going to have a hard time fearing you if you call yourself “Snoopy”, “Charlie Brown”, or “Pigpen”. I’m just sayin’.
And what about the redundancy of the hip-hop scene? While I am fully aware that switching a “K” for a “C” is fun, and while I know that a “$” is always better than an “s” at some point don’t the people within the hip hop scene start to observe the awkwardness of over usage?! We can all spell our names wrong on purpose in silly and interesting ways but it doesn’t make it creative or new. I could call myself “Rye Anne” and probably be quickly accepted within the hip hop community. But “Rye Anne” is kind of a stupid name.
If this is the norm that the hip hop/rap community has accepted, if this is the game they have decided to play, then I’m going to give it a go. I give complete permission to any budding star to use the names I suggest below.
- Sir Ca$h
- Cilla’ (No, that’s not Spanish. It’s “killer” with the “k” switched to a “c” and an “a” and apostrophe replacing the “er”)
- Gnotty Pippen
- 2-D (like the girl from Facts of Life or as in two dimensional…which just so happens to be how my rhymes are going to smack your face)
- Ice Latte
- Ice Cream
- Cream
- TMWGMDCIHG (it could stand for something like “The Man Won’t Get Me Down ‘Cause I Have a Gun”
- 50 Gigs (pronounced “fiddy gigs”)
- Toast Master Deluxe
- Deluxe Master Toast
- Master Deluxe Toast
- Toasty Deluxe
- Little Bill (or lil’ Bill)
- Doc Chicken
- Mick E. and the Gang Haulas
- Hypocritz
- Boossta
- McPickle and the Pickle Gang
- Fryd
- €lvira (Yes, that’s the Euro sign. How awesome and bad ass is a Euro symbol instead of an E?”
- Christian Bale
While I realize that this rap and hip hop is all about the musik and all that jazz…but…I mean…come on! Can’t you still call something goofy and/or redundant when it is! Ke$ha? Lil’ Wayne? T-Pain? Gnarles Barkley? Ice Cube? McPickle and the Pickle Gang? Those are like kiddie playground names, and they’re…well…they’re just redundant in the hip-hop/rap scene. It’s time we all try to be as innovative as Eminem and spell out our initials.
Sincerely,
Arghdubbleyou
