Finally! I'm growing up!

I’ve got great news! I’ve just received an email offering to solve all of my manhood issues! Woohoo! I’m not quite sure who sent it because it appears that it was actually sent from my own email. It must be some sort of surprise late birthday present. Anyway, I look forward to seeing how this mysterious giver teaches me how to fix cars, build things out of wood, repair lawnmowers, read sci-fi, and other manly things that I have somehow missed out on in life.

So whoever you are, thank you so much for thinking of me.

Sincerely,

Ryan

Dr. Siegal's Cookie Diet Vs. President Obama Appears on The View While Chelsea Clinton Gets Married in a Beautiful Wedding Dress

Ok, so what if I titled a post with three of the top googled items of this week. What are you going to do about it? Consider it an experiment to see what kind of random misplaced traffic it sends here. On a more reminiscent note, here is me singing to my wife at our wedding over seven years ago. Yes, its bad. Yes, its supposed to be bad. Yes, it was my wedding gift for her.

Top Ten Recycling Habits From a New Perspective

You should be all about recycling. If you aren’t, you should be. If you’re a Christian you should be especially passionate about recycling. Recycling is core to the Christian message, recycling is just smart and common sense, recycling is better for our world (and our kids world).

Recycling is core to the Christian message if you consider the fact that in recycling you are taking something that is spent, used up, and old and giving it new life, purpose, and usefulness. Jesus said that he did not come to destroy the old stuff, but to fulfill/complete it. In other words, he doesn’t throw out the old stuff, he restores it and reinterprets it and gives it new meaning. Some words that can be tossed around here might be redemption, renovation, transformation, new creation, etc. Christians should be all about the idea of recycling. If God isn’t into restoring broken and old things, making them new, and bringing new life all of humanity is in trouble!

As a follower of Jesus, listed below are some of the ways both big and small that I think the invitation to recycle is available. It is obviously in no way an exhaustive list, and neither is it listed in any particular order. So without further adieu here are my top ten recycling habits:

  1. Food. If you don’t have chickens to give your old scraps to (and thus produce eggs and great fertilizer) then get a compost pile so that your old food will turn into rich soil. Also, using old veggies and animal parts (eww) to make stock is a great way to recycle stuff that you will not (and should not) eat.
  2. Water. There are some pretty amazing ways you can recycle water, but I’m too lazy or inept to practice most of them. I know some people who collect the water from the bathroom sink in a bucket and use that bucket to flush the toilet. I know others who have water from dishwashers and washing machines drained out to use for gardening etc. I don’t do that stuff. But I do collect our rain water and use it to water the garden! I do use my kids kiddie pool water to water my plants (instead of dumping it every few days). Next time you’re about to dump out the remains of your glass of water, dump it in your houseplant instead.
  3. Bags. You can buy cloth bags for grocery shopping. We do. But we also forget to use them as often as we remember. So if you have to do the unthinkable (haha) and use plastic shopping bags, they work great as your new garbage can liners. We have nor purchased garbage bags in years ’cause we just use these from our local supermarket. Sure you have to empty the garbage a bit more often, but it’ll shave a few bucks off your grocery bill and it will put those bags back to use.
  4. Money. Buy locally. If you buy locally from local businesses and local owners and local shops and local food and…then your money stays in the community you love. The money you use to buy your kids a birthday present will go to a local family who owns the local toy shop that employs local individuals who buy things from their local supermarket who…etc. When you spend and shop locally, your money is recycled within your community to grow and develop the community you love.
  5. Clothes. Buy from used clothing stores, give your old clothes to others, but also old clothes can be quite useful for household projects! I grew up with a giant canvas tent for camping. The tent bag for our giant tent was a pair of my dads old jeans. The pockets were where the stakes were kept, the tent slid into the legs (that had been sewed together into one large space), and a drawstring was put through the belt loops. My wife has made purses out of old t-shirts, hats out of old sweaters, skirts out of old shirts, etc. Put those old clothes to work.
  6. Travel. Ok, this is a bit of a stretch, but if we change our behaviors so that our travel accomplishes more than getting us from A to B then we are creating more out of something than previously existed. If you ride your bike, not only are you cutting down on emissions and traffic, but you’re also exercising at the same time. If you take the bus not only are you cutting down on emissions and traffic, but you’re also being able to read or work on homework. If you carpool not only are you cutting down on emissions and traffic, but your also creating community and relationship.
  7. Death. Even in your death you can allow life to emerge by being an organ donor. Don’t hold out, you won’t need your heart anymore, so give it away.
  8. Yard. We American’s love our grass. I’m not totally sure why we’re so hardcore about our grass, because how often do you usually play in it? That’s what parks are for. Our yards can be so much more than pretty grass, instead we can make them work for us by putting garden plots, by growing strawberries and lettuces where grass might have been before. Get some chickens, grow some blueberries or grapes, allow your yard to do something for you, to be useful, and to bring more to your life.
  9. Books. I love books. I hate borrowing them, I love owning them. But as I work to get over my ownership mentality I’m seeing that not only is borrowing books from the library a great recycling practice, but loaning your books out to others and borrowing others books is a great way to let books have a greater life than the shelf. How cool would it be if we began to loan our books out and asked people to mark them up, highlight them, and jot down notes in the margins so that when you got the book back it would carry with it some of the life of the previous reader!
  10. Paper. This one should be redundant in our culture, but don’t use paper. Read your newspaper or magazine online. Use email instead of snail mail. Cut down on your junk mail by opting out (whats that website to do this again?). Setup your bills so that you don’t receive hard copies but only electronic copies. Dare I say buy a Kindle? Ok, I’m not ready to go there yet, but it’s probably inevitable!

I’m certain there are many other creative ways to recycle. Spend a few hours on Etsy.com and let your brain cram all the amazing and creative ways to recycle old materials. Shop at recycled stores, shop less, etc. There are so many ways we can embrace the beautiful opportunity to be a part of giving old, spent, and used up things new life and purpose. I mean, isn’t this what God does with humanity? Why should we do anything different?

Hey Trigonometry…you're a tool

I realized this morning that I tend to mock things that I don’t understand. This realization wasn’t a joke, it was a genuine awareness that when I don’t really “get” something I somehow end up mocking it. Uber conservatism is an example. I don’t really get why/how people believe that stuff and therefore end up making jokes about it. It’s a bad habit, a destructive habit, and a potentially hurtful habit. I should stop. And I will. Tomorrow.

But sometimes, I realized, it can be a pretty funny habit. What if I started mocking everything I didn’t understand… literally everything…including trigonometry or organic chemistry. So without further adieu here’s my first “I’m Mocking You Because I Don’t Understand You” list:

  1. Hey music theory, why don’t you find something better and more productive to do. Notes are for telling people thank you. Loser.
  2. Hey laser pens, yeah thanks a lot for helping me to point at my Powerpoint slide show. I only wish there was another easier way to do it…oh wait, I have a finger.
  3. Hey you, cellular technology, thanks for the radiation in my ear lobes.
  4. Black and white, are you colors? Are you the absence of colors? Or what? I may not know exactly what you are, but I’m pretty sure you’re boring. Go hang out with purple and learn to have a good time.
  5. Hey Dow Jones…who are you and why did you eat all of America’s jobs? Hungry? Try a hot pocket next time. Dow Jones jerk.
  6. Dear Colin Powell, why isn’t your name Collin? Thats kind of weird, maybe you should stop being weird. Weirdo.
  7. Hey there Ugh boots, you’re Ugh-ly. You make me want to Ugh-chuck my dinner.

My Personal Top 20 Rap Names of the Twenty-Seventh Century

Do you ever feel like you’re taking crazy pills? Seriously, I feel like I’m so out of the loop on this one that I must be nuts. If I called myself P diddy, Snoop Dogg, Ice Cube, or Gnarles Barkley and tried to be cool or tough or bad ass or whatever…I’d accomplish none of those feats. Those aren’t bad ass names! Those are kiddie names. Right? Am I crazy? Even if you’re holding a gun I’m going to have a hard time fearing you if you call yourself “Snoopy”, “Charlie Brown”, or “Pigpen”. I’m just sayin’.

And what about the redundancy of the hip-hop scene? While I am fully aware that switching a “K” for a “C” is fun, and while I know that a “$” is always better than an “s” at some point don’t the people within the hip hop scene start to observe the awkwardness of over usage?! We can all spell our names wrong on purpose in silly and interesting ways but it doesn’t make it creative or new. I could call myself “Rye Anne” and probably be quickly accepted within the hip hop community. But “Rye Anne” is kind of a stupid name.

If this is the norm that the hip hop/rap community has accepted, if this is the game they have decided to play, then I’m going to give it a go. I give complete permission to any budding star to use the names I suggest below.

  1. Sir Ca$h
  2. Cilla’ (No, that’s not Spanish. It’s “killer” with the “k” switched to a “c” and an “a” and apostrophe replacing the “er”)
  3. Gnotty Pippen
  4. 2-D (like the girl from Facts of Life or as in two dimensional…which just so happens to be how my rhymes are going to smack your face)
  5. Ice Latte
  6. Ice Cream
  7. Cream
  8. TMWGMDCIHG (it could stand for something like “The Man Won’t Get Me Down ‘Cause I Have a Gun”
  9. 50 Gigs (pronounced “fiddy gigs”)
  10. Toast Master Deluxe
  11. Deluxe Master Toast
  12. Master Deluxe Toast
  13. Toasty Deluxe
  14. Little Bill (or lil’ Bill)
  15. Doc Chicken
  16. Mick E. and the Gang Haulas
  17. Hypocritz
  18. Boossta
  19. McPickle and the Pickle Gang
  20. Fryd
  21. €lvira (Yes, that’s the Euro sign. How awesome and bad ass is a Euro symbol instead of an E?”
  22. Christian Bale

While I realize that this rap and hip hop is all about the musik and all that jazz…but…I mean…come on! Can’t you still call something goofy and/or redundant when it is! Ke$ha? Lil’ Wayne? T-Pain? Gnarles Barkley? Ice Cube? McPickle and the Pickle Gang? Those are like kiddie playground names, and they’re…well…they’re just redundant in the hip-hop/rap scene. It’s time we all try to be as innovative as Eminem and spell out our initials.

Sincerely,

Arghdubbleyou