Category Archives: random

You can't make this stuff up

Posted on by
1

This story is like a bad Disney movie…except for the fact that it’s true and it’s a great story and it’s not Disney it’s the Yankees…which may be worse.

Anyway, here’s the deal, Brett Gardner is a backup player for the Yankees. He’s not real good. He’d hit 1 home run in his two year career in over 200 at bats. He only hit the ball a quarter of the time (which isn’t all that bad…but not all that good either). He’s just a utility player.

Well Brett was reading stories to some kids at a hospital when one of them, a die hard Yankees fan, gave him a bracelet that said “hope” on it. I think it was one of those bracelets that help support causes. She asked him if he would take the bracelet and then hit a home run that night at the game. Brett told her that he’d do his best and give it a shot.

That night he wasn’t even scheduled to play, but a third of the way through the game one of the players on the roster before him got ejected. Brett not only got to play but he hit an inside the park home run (which is quite rare in todays baseball game). Cool story right? Little used reserve gets asked to hit a home run in a game that he isn’t even play in, and then he ends up playing half way through the game and not only hits a home run but hits an inside the park homer! Great story right? Well how about this, the very next day that girl who had been waiting for a heart transplant for three months got news that there was a heart for her!

Thats right, sick girl asks reserve player to hit a home run. He comes into the game late, hits a unique home run and then girl gets heart transplant next day.

Go ahead Disney, make your movie…though, I’d suggest that to make the movie better  you should replace the sick girl with a talking poodle, switch the Yankees with the Pittsburgh Pirates, and have it end with the girl getting her heart transplant while she watches the backup player and new Pirates leader take his team to the World Series which he wins for them in stunning fashion as he is forced to pitch and play shortstop at the same time and then surprisingly ends up recruiting his hamster Jerry to bat clean up for the Pirates. In the end while the poodle gets her heart transplant both Jerry and the reserve player hit home runs to lead the Pirates to a come from behind victory. The joy that overflows from the Pirates winning the world series causes the poodles dad to come back home and talk to her for the first time since he left her at the age of four. He apologizes for what he did to her and promises that he will always love her and never leave her side again. This is made more possible by the fact that her mom and dad are getting back together and they’re all moving to upstate New York where there is a house waiting for them with a beautiful Christmas tree, lots of presents, and a bow around the front door. The Poodle then says to her parents that “There’s one way this could all be even better.” obviously her parents wonder what, what in the name could she want that would surpass the joy of the home run, the heart transplant, the world series victory, Jerry the hamster, her dad returning home, her parents reuniting, the new house and the many gifts!?! And that’s when the poodle says “a baby brother.”

Roll credits.

Bikini's and Nakedness

Posted on by
1

Can I write a post about bikinis? Is that legal as a minister and future church planter? Here’s the thing, I don’t want to spend time talking about whether or not its sinful for a woman to wear a bikini (or a man for that matter) ’cause my daughter’s not wearing one until she’s 83. So it’s kind of a moot point in my home.

Here’s the thing though, I am so glad that I am not a woman (for many reasons!) because I cannot imagine the vulnerability you’d feel while walking around three quarters naked in public. You’ve got virtually nothing to hide, it’s just your body and the world around. I’m sorry, but even without engaging in the whole purity and lust conversation we’ve got to at least admit that it’s a negative thing that in our culture a woman is supposed to swim in underwear (albeit a waterproof version) because it requires a vulnerability that is inapropriate for the common public sphere! In a way isn’t it kind of like if all of us in our society, in order to be ‘normal’, had to walk around with our thoughts and prayers from our private journals posted above our heads. As I play with my kids at the park the note that sits above my head reads “God, after losing my job I am terrified that I won’t be able to take care of my family.” while the mom pushing her son in the swing next to me has a note above her head that reads “my husband left me today”.

Ok, maybe that’s an extreme example, but the point is vulnerability. It sucks that we ask our women to experience that in public. I don’t control my wife, but she does know that I don’t want her to have to wear a skimpy swim suit in public because I know that she doesn’t enjoy it! It’s just so open, your whole body is so out there, it just makes you so…vulnerable.

Maybe this isn’t you. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about ’cause i’m a dude. But for all you other women out there…sorry. I won’t tease you if you swim in a bath robe.

Letter to the Editor…of the internet

Posted on by
Reply

My goal with the Internet and social networking is to be as productive as I can while doing as little as I can. Plaxo. Facebook. Twitter. Friendfeed. Myspace. LinkedIn. Blogging. Tumblr. Delicious…Oh my, I could go on for a long time! I want to connect with people. I want to meet new people. I want to stay connected to old friends. I want people to know what’s going on in my life, family, and ministry. But holy guacamole there’s a lot of stuff out there that it takes significant time just to know about it all. By the time I found out about Twitter it was already being rumored as a potential flop.

All that is to get to this letter to the editor of the Internet:

Dear editor of the Internet,

I appreciate everything you do for me. I am grateful for the fact that my generation will be the most informed to walk the face of the earth thanks to you (though, only to be surpassed by the ensuing generations). You’ve given me my sports page. You’ve given me wordpress, flickr, and stumbleupon all of which have changed my life. I give you credit for Ikea. I’m not sure why you get credit for creating Ikea, but Ikea is just so cool that it had to have started on the internet. But I’ve got a bone to pick with you. Can you please slow down? And can you please do what I want? I mean, as soon as I figure out blogging everyone stops blogging and starts doing facebook. And as soon as get comfortable with facebook I start realizing all the things that it doesn’t do that I want it to do! You’ve taught me that I can get whatever I want on the internet instantly, and now I feel as though you’re reneging on your promise. Not cool. Don’t even get me started on porn. Bad idea internet. Sure it keeps our economy afloat, but it’s kind of disgusting. Anyway, I digress from my rant. Please make applications for facebook groups. And please make Twitter actually do something. And please create the widgets that I want and need for my wordpress blog. And please make my lawn grow slower. And could you please let me stumbleupon some really good websites instead of the garbage that I’ve been finding as of late. And will you please give me lots of friends on facebook so that I’ll feel better about myself? Oh, and please get rid of myspace. It’s annoying. In closing, Internet Editor, I’d like to say that while I’m grateful for many things, I desire you to fix many things, and I’m a little upset about all the porn, what it all comes down to is that I’d like you to allow me to download movies that are still playing in the theaters without getting viruses and without hurting my conscience. If you cannot live up to my demands, then I make you this promise: I will continue to operate in the exact same way, I will continue to give Clear my lunch money, I will continue to grow my delicious bookmark portfolio, I will keep blogging, but I will be very upset about it!

Sincerely, Ryan

Posted on by
Reply

In general “we” is a good term to use. I like to think that my general thought patterns happen in a “we” context. I value community, I believe it’s core to how God has created us to live and breathe…but I’ve created a problem, and it is not of noble origins.

Apparently, there are many times where I say “we” when I should be saying “me”. I’ve heard this from my wife today which reminded me of when I heard it from a friend a while back Apparently I say things like “yeah we really suck at that” when in reality I’m no good and I’m just including that person with me. Other times I say “we’ve really got to get better about picking up after ourseves (you can insert any chore here)” what has happened with my wife is that me saying that ends up communicating to her that SHE needs to start picking up after herself. Because I wouldn’t include her in the mix unless I was thinking that she was needing to do it. I guess that most people speak about themselves, “I need to start taking out the trash every day” or “I’m really terrible at this game!” I’d like to think that I do this because of my intense love of community…but the sad reality is that probably deep down it makes me feel better to be miserable with someone else. Not too noble eh?

I guess we’ll all need to work on this.

Rumors of Celestial Explosions Gone Away

Posted on by
1

I’ve heard the rumors, I know its been talked about, so today I went straight to the horses mouse (I meant to type “mouth” but I think I will enjoy the mistake).

Rumor: there will be no Fort Vancouver firework display this year

I went to my informant at Coldstone Creamery and found out that apparently it’s gotten to expensive and the Fort Vancouver people were requiring Coldstone, who oddly enough are the firework providers for much of Vancouver, to up their investment by one or two hundred thousand bucks! So because of that…no fireworks this year.

That’s rigth folks, the coldstone dude, the employee who will sing a stupid song if you tip him a quarter has confirmed the sad truth. I guess this year for the 4th of July everyone will have to get wasted in their own back yard. Curse you economy!