Category Archives: reflections

My Friend is Dying

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I had a strange conversation with a regular at work tonight. He’s been coming in since the restaurant opened. He used to come in with his partner and they ordered the same drinks every time (a brandy manhattan and a gin martini) and generally the same food. Since his partner died two years ago he stopped drinking and started coming in for the community instead of the food. I know this because he only ever eats two bites before he’s finished. He is 77 years old and alone. I’m not trying to play this up more than it is. He has a sister in Arizona who cannot afford to fly here (he says even for his funeral) and he occasionally has a friend or two join him at the restaurant. But he was going to be alone on Christmas until an employee at the restaurant invited him to their house.

Anyway, tonight I asked him why he didn’t order his regular dessert and he said it was because he was feeling sick. “I’m loosing weight you know” he said. When I asked him about it he said that he was dying. “It’s a losing battle. My body is done and my time is short. I won’t be around much longer.” Fighting against awkwardness and finding it easy to ignore my duties as the manager that night I asked him what it felt like to know or think that your life is nearly done. “I”m OK with it, you can’t grow old and be a sissy! I’m ready to go because I have lived a full life and I’ve been everywhere I want to go. My only fear is that I will outlive my body. Nothing terrifies me more than losing my independence.” “Do you have someone to take care of you if that happens?” He said that he didn’t, that his sister lives far away and can barely afford her own life let alone his.

Somehow the conversation turned to Winston Churchill at this point. He recommended his favorite Churchill biography and I wrote down the title. He told me a story or two about Churchill and FDR, how for a longtime Churchill was the leader of the free world. I told him that I was taking an extended leave of absence from the restaurant and he said he’d miss me. I got his address and phone number and suggested that we find a way to talk when I’m done working.

He has ridden his motorcycle across the United States, he’s worked as a newspaper reporter, owned a publishing company in Hollywood, seen the death of his parter of 37 years, travled around the world multiple times, and now he prefers to watch TV and read books.

I think that I would fear losing my independence too if I was without community. I think that when you live in community you’ve already experienced what it’s like to lose your independence and it no longer seems quite as terrifying. I want my friend to live with my family, to not die alone. I probably should have said something about hope in the resurrection or something like that (I mean, I am a church planter) but I just listened instead.

Goodbye Marcell's

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Consider this a tribute, a goodbye to Marcell’s Hemp and Latte House. I spent a significant amount of time in their house-turned coffee shop as it became my unofficial office. It was through Marcell’s that I met a whole cloud of men and women with amazing stories, who had an amazing impact on my life, and who live in and represent my downtown neighborhood. It filled a gap in my neighborhood where there is no other place of gathering. People came to this shop to be with their neighborhood.

The coffee was mediocre, the management was poor at times (sorry), it randomly opened and closed due to red tape (among other things!)…but it was a place where you could meet and talk to those whom you belonged to.

Sadly Marcell’s is gone due to a fire last week. I do not yet know, though I am fairly certain that it is gone forever. I grieve for the neighborhood because there’s no hub for us to gather at. I grieve for the relationships that I have lost because we no longer have a place to be together. I grieve my loss of an “office”. And I grieve for those who lost jobs.

Someone come and pour some money into that place and build us another gathering place. If you make it into a knitting shop I will fight you. If you make it into a minute mart I will fight you. If it ends up a house I will fight you. Give us a place to gather please.

peace.

Who do you look like?

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There’s a church planting couple here in the NW that came from a traditional church, had worked in established ministry for years, and felt “called” to work with people in downtown Portland. I do not know these people well so I cannot speak with much insight as to how their lives and hearts have changed over years of doing this ministry. But I can tell you that their appearance has changed. She has had dreads (and has since cut them off and started them again), they have many piercings, tattoos, and they dress the part too. It might be easy for us skeptical types to look at them and make jokes about how they’re trying to look cool or something of that nature. But concerning the way they look my wife heard the woman say that the two of them did not set out to look different and change their appearance. Instead, she said, the more time you spend with a people and the more you fall in love with a people the more you want to look like them and be like them.

As I processed this I remembered me and my other tall and skinny white friend who lived in Portugal together. We stood out. We looked different. We were loud when we road the bus. We wore t-shirts and baggy jeans. But by the time we left some things had changed. Without ever trying or even thinking about it we acted differently in public settings. We dressed differently (embarrassingly enough we began to wear tighter jeans). In many ways, small ways, we began to look more like the people we were with.

I’m intrigued by this idea in two ways.

  1. Are you loving the people around you to the extent that you might start looking like them?
  2. Is your Christian community living and loving in such a way that people who hang out with you are starting to look like you?

Sunday: Did we Find the Point?

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In my previous post “What’s the Point?” I asked some questions concerning what the point of the churches weekend worship gathering. I must clarify one thing first. I am not standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump off, ready to quit church, and wipe my hands of it forever. On the contrary I see my future as starting new churches for people who will not walk into our current church doors. But as I’m working toward planting this church and as I’m making whole piles of mistakes planting the Renovatus church I’ve begun to notice that not only does most of society around us not think that church is important, but even a large number of Christ followers do not see the value in the churches long standing tradition of gathering on the weekend. I think this is a problem. And to even further the problem I look at what I spout off as my own answer to the question “what’s the point?” and I think that my answers do not resonate with either jaded Christians or unbelieving others.

Let me do my best in one short paragraph to summarize the discussion that happened in the comments of this blog (as it was cross-posted on Facebook)…There were many thoughts and ideas concerning whether or not there is any reason to gather on the weekend as the church is known to do. Some have done away with it and gathering with friends during the week instead. Others have done away with it in part due to the churches corruption. Still others have taken breaks from the gathering because of burn out or disagreements. All in all this aspect of the discussion was much less tidy, and for the most part reiterated the original question: is there any important reason to gather on Sundays? Some of the answers as to why we should gather or why it is important to gather together include that we gather together to be reminded that we’re not crazy, or if we are crazy at least we have other crazies in with us. Remembering we’re not alone is a big deal especially when you couch your understanding of Christianity within the idea of living out an alternative society in our world. Living alternatively just doesn’t work well unless you do it with others in community. We need to know that we have support, a safe place, and encouragement. In addition to being a transformed and unique community of people Scripture also talks about how in Christ we as individuals become a new creation. Could it be that the weekend gathering is a public and open way for us to express and profess this identity to ourselves, God, and others. In my smaller group of friends I generally (and naturally) am around people that I connect with more easily. In the larger weekend gatherings an odd smattering of people are brought together under one banner, for one purpose (ideally right?), all united even thought they are extremely different from each other. In that larger gathering our uniqueness, our oneness, our unity, our transformation is all being proclaimed. It must be noted, however, that all this cannot be said without identifying the fact that at different points in history the church has lost its voice, forgotten its unique calling, and has wandered into some fairly destructive behaviors. And while this is true and must be said, the underlying theme of this discussion is that there’s something broken (in either huge or subtle ways depending on your context) that needs renovation.

I personally do not have any sort of great exclamation point statements to add to the end of this discussion. I can, however, tell you some of the things I’m processing through. I think that it is essential to the Christians life to gather on Sundays. I’m not confident of why, and I’m not confident that the manner in which we do it fulfills this need, but I do believe that God has wired us in such a way to need that communal gathering. The people that talked about how worshiping together reminds them that they’re not alone might be enough to answer this question, though I’m still uncertain. I believe there is something crucially important to being a part of a bigger gathering that is not about “me” in particular but about the community calling out to God in one voice. In smaller groups and amongst close friends its generally always about me or you, but in those bigger gatherings it’s about us and Him. I think there’s something important to that. I think there’s something important about being challenged to live like Christ more deeply which often happens (or is intended to happen) through the teaching. While all teaching doesn’t match this, I think the idea behind the sermon/message is to equip you and challenge you to live differently. I’m sure this could be accomplished in different ways and through different mediums but I don’t think it happens very well unless its intentional. It is super rare for a group of friends who are hanging out to spontaneously open up the Bible in order to grapple with some of the deep theological ideas that might challenge our daily lives. Generally the only times those conversations “spontaneously” happen is when you’ve got a group of seminary students together.

That’s all I’ve got for now. I mean, I could throw some stuff up there about how God commands us to gather, but I think that’s a somewhat fruitless discussion. It’s like telling an alcoholic to “stop it”. Well duh! Of course he/she should stop drinking, if it were as easy as someone just saying “stop it. It’s bad for you.” then there would be very few alcoholics! It’s not just about what’s right or wrong, what we’re supposed to do and what we’re not supposed to do, it’s about the journey there, it’s about the purpose of it, it’s about the person behind the commands, etc. Also, there are many good practical or technical reasons why we should gather together as the church is known to do. It’s easier to gain momentum as a group, it’s easier to support mission work, ministries, and to help people. You can have a larger impact on a neighborhood or city as a larger group and can additionally be a place where people feel like they can visit without being known or whatever. But I consider all these technical/practical which are of great importance but by themselves do not resonate as much as the deeper theological and heart ideas that the two paragraphs above talk about.

How am I doing? Are we tracking? Do you disagree? Do I make sense? Can you teach me something?

Thanks for engaging in this dialog, may we all be sharpened and grow together!

peace.

Sunday: What's the Point?

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What’s the point of worshiping with the church on Sundays?

As I look at the world around me I see that question being asked by Christians and those who don’t call themselves followers of Christ. Maybe its not said like that, maybe its not said at all but is rather a lived out question. I’ve also observed that for Christians and “non-Christians” alike there is a general acceptance of the church when defined as a community of Christ followers. The idea of the church being a group of people journeying together in faith, trying their best to focus on Jesus, to die to self, and to live for the world is something most people can get behind. But I believe there has grown a disconnect between that idea and its Sunday expression.

So I ask again, what’s the point?

Let me tell you what the whole point cannot be. The point cannot be fellowship, because you can get that anywhere anytime. It cannot be anything technical like the music, because if we were honest we’d agree that music is nearly (and sadly) always better outside the church than inside. It can’t be anything connected to duty or obligation, because while those can serve a good purpose at times they are not the primary picture of discipleship that I see in Jesus’ life and ministry. Better descriptive words in Jesus’ ministry (than “duty” or “obligation”) are “invitation” “hope” and “opportunity” We get to go to church.

So let me rephrase the question: what happens on Sunday that is essential to the survival of a Christ follower?

OR

What does Sunday’s church expression offer what cannot be found anywhere else?

OR

How does the churches Sunday worship expression change the world?

SO…

…what’s the point?