Category Archives: spirituality

Sitting with Heroes

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I’m here in Durham, North Carolina anticipating a major winter storm tomorrow and attending my final grad school week long getaway. Prior to our four days of dusk ’till dawn class time that starts tomorrow we have been able to spend the weekend with Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove and the Rutba House community.

Saturday night we crashed an area wide meal and prayer gathering celebrating the season of epiphany.  As I sat back and listened to the conversations that were happening and observed the way each person treated the other I was amazed. I was sitting amongst a group of rock stars, heroes of nearly mythical proportion. I was sitting with people who fought for the dignity of all peoples, immigrants, convicts on death row, peacemakers who have been imprisoned, and the homeless (to name a few). The people I sat with on Saturday night go to jail for their beliefs, they fight (non-violently) for peace, they give of themselves for others. One woman was even responsible for sta

rting an amazing non-profit that many of you are familiar with called Witness for Peace. It was beautiful to hear them celebrate the season of Epiphany which is a time when we are reminded of the surprising and radical activity of God as is seen in the invitation of the Magi to visit baby Jesus. Outsiders, foreigners, and yet invited into the birth narrative of God himself. The group shared some of the striking appearances of hope they witnessed in the world during the last year, they then dreamed of what they might experience in 2011. It was beautiful. It was inspiring. And it challenged my imagination concerning what God might do in downtown Vancouver, WA over the next year.

The Anatomy of an Embrace*

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Speaking to the church–to those following Jesus who gather as the church, we have often had a tainted posture toward others. To those on the insides of the mechanism we have an posture of arrival–because of this we’re able to put on our smiley faces regardless of the potentially destructive choices we’ve made or have been made around us. When the assumption is one of arrival it means that we’ve got to look the part of one who has arrived. If you haven’t arrived then you’ve either got to be saved or you need to repent…neither of which are appealing to someone on the inside (anyone for that matter). Toward those on “the outside” our posture is one of superiority and urgency. First off we honestly believe that we have the monopoly on truth, right living, and the virtues of goodness, generosity, and kindness. We dole out our wares to the savages outside our doors whom are in need of our product. If, however, they do not think that they need our product or are not as excited about our product as they should be we then introduce urgency and demand a quick and right choice. Arrival, superiority, and urgency. I’m sure much more could be said about all this and I’m certain that these are generalizations that carry a mixture of accuracy and inaccuracy all throughout. The point being, however, that our posture toward others is oftentimes off. My posture toward others is oftentimes off.

What if we allowed the act of embrace to better define our posture toward others (both those that we’ve awkwardly deemed “insiders” and “outsiders”)? An embrace creates vulnerability, it is relational but not intimate. An embrace demands a blend of space and proximity, it requires activity and stillness, it can be both awkward and affirming. An embrace can be broken down to four stages that have massive implications to how we relate with the otherness around us.

  1. Open Arms— An embrace always begins with arms wide open (please, no, that was not a Creed reference!) you have to want the other before an embrace happens. By opening yourself you both communicate care and desire for the other but you also open yourself to the awkwardness of vulnerability. As we approach others in life there needs to be a level of of awkward desire know and be known. There also must be space for others. Generally churches have open arms that are symbolic of an embrace but they lack the vulnerability that truly defines what it means to open your arms. What kind of space is there in our personal lives, in our church activities, in our church structures that allows space for others? There has got to be space for an embrace before it will ever happen.
  2. Waiting— It would be easy to fall out of the boat on either side of the “arms open wide” position. Either in the manner of a creepster we pursue others with our arms open saying “if you don’t hug me I’ll hug you” and we chase people down and hug them to death or we draw a line in the sand and say “I can’t cross this line, but I’m willing to hug you if you cross it and come over here. Look at me, my arms are wide open”. The reality is that there is a level of patience necessary, a willingness to open yourself up, make space, be vulnerable, and then wait. Wait for response, wait for desire and awkwardness to emerge from the other. “Waiting is a sign that, although embrace may have a one-sidedness in its origin, it can never reach its goal without reciprocity.” Are we willing to give space to people to respond in their own time? Is it OK for people to be angry and not in the mood to embrace? Are we willing to act out of the reality that we need others?
  3. Closing the arms–It finally happens! This is the goal of the embrace…the actual hug. “In an embrace a host is a guest and a guest is a host” In an embrace two people become one, four arms become one embrace. Reciprocity, relationship, unity, sharing…all these things sum up what happens as the arms close around each other. I think that we often want to rush this part. We want to skip the waiting period and just make the embrace happen. When we don’t wait, however, what happens is is two armed embrace. One person hugs while the other flails or awkwardly stands motionless. There is no reciprocity, sharing, or unity.
  4. Letting go— you’ve got to let go. While the embrace unites two bodies into one, the whole equation is negated if the parties do not let go. The purpose of an embrace is to let go and move forward, to anticipate future embraces with each other and with other partners. We’re always letting go with purpose or holding on with regret. While the goal is the embrace itself, an embrace is ruined without letting go. I feel blessed to be a part of a church (for another week!) that knows how to let go well. Renovatus is a sending church, they do not wait for right moments to let go, but rather believe that letting go is a part of a healthy embrace.

We have found this framework to be very true in our work in downtown Vancouver and with Renovatus. People need to know that you genuinely like them, you’ve got to be willing to be vulnerable, people need space to respond, you’ve got to believe that their authentic response is crucial, “success” is measured through shared commitment, and letting go is a necessary part of joining together: we are gathered to be scattered.

*without shame I am adapting and borrowing much of this from Miroslav Volf’s amazing book Exclusion and Embrace

Can God Hate Visionary Dreaming?

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He who loves his dream of a community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial. God hates visionary dreaming; it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. the man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself. He enters the community of Christians with his demands, he sets up his own law, and judges the brethren and God Himself accordingly. He stands adamant, a living reproach to all others in the  circle of brethren. He acts as if he is the creator of the Christian community, as if his dream binds men together. When things do not go his way, he calls the effort a failure. When his ideal picture is destroyed, he sees the community going to smash. So he becomes, first an accuser of his brethren, then an accuser of God, and finally the despairing accuser of himself.

–Dietrich Bonhoeffer

In just a few weeks my family will be living in a new context. We will be living in the same home as another couple and a single person. Together the seven of us learn how to do life together , we will learn how to respect the others eating preferences, sleeping preferences, and parenting preferences. At the same time we will be learning how to give up our preferences in deference to each other. Not only, however, will we be exploring how to live for each other but part of our experiment is how to live for each other while dying to ourselves for the sake of our neighbor(hood). All at the same time I am nervous and excited. We are on the verge of something–a transformational experience for certain whether it be through disaster or through success.

Success? What in the world is success anyway?

The quote from Bonhoeffer above questions our preconceived notions of success. He even goes on to say that if our pursuit in community is of my definition of success then I have already missed the mark. When we’re in pursuit of my ideals then inevitably I take a position of power over and above everyone else in order to make my dream become a reality OR I take the position of accuser if/when my dream does not become a reality–an accuser of you, of me, and of God for failing to do His part.

For those of us who are a part of a church community we should take Bonhoeffer’s words soberly. How many of us are invested in church for what it could become rather than for the “simple” idea of love? Love for our brothers, love of self, and love of God. There must always be a sense of anticipation for what might happen, for what could happen, for what might become–but if this sense of anticipation ever supersedes love, then we have missed not only the means of becoming but also the exact reason we might ever become anything.

In church planting we’re trained to craft and care for our vision. If this is indeed the case, we had better add a lot of padding around that statement. Because if my vision for a church (that consists

of me, other human beings, and the Spirit of God) simply emerges from my brain, my heart, and my passions I will inevitably become either accuser or controller. In community–both as a church and as neighbors–we must learn to listen to each other, to care for the others voice, and to hear God in one another. In community we must also make space for listening to God, to value his voice, and to joyfully submit to his desires for our future. Together we can make beautiful music.

Why Atheism Makes Sense

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“Its your fault.”

Nobody likes to hear those words. When they’re true words they sting terribly. When they’re inaccurate words they can infuriate or confuse. I don’t know what is more difficult, saying “It’s my fault” or hearing someone else say “it’s your fault”.

For those who are following Jesus we have chosen to freely say “it’s my fault” haven’t we? Should we take great freedom in owning our mistakes, our screw ups, and our baggage? Doesn’t integrity, purity, and humility require it?

It’s way past time for Christians to take full ownership of the baggage that we’ve created, of the crap that trails behind us because of our choices. We cannot hold onto the beautiful Christlike figures such as Mother Teresa from our past while at the same time completely disowning the negative stories of our past. Our past is our past. It’s ours whether we like it or not. We might (and should) vehemently disagree with stuff done in our past, but that doesn’t change the fact that its a part of my story. When I look at my family history I can identify some pretty hefty baggage that I would love to disown. But to disown it is to allow it to continue to control my present and future reality. By taking a permanent marker to whole sentences, paragraphs, or scenes of my families history I am allowing those moments to hide under the cloak of darkness–I am allowing them to fester, infect, and secretly inform my reality. The same is true of our churches.

I am tired of Christians not owning up to the crap that has happened in our past (sadly it’s often a much more present reality than it is a past event). When Christians were in power during medieval times we were not the salt of the earth, we were not bearers of light, hope, peace, and love. We did not do well when we had power. If I were less politically ignorant I am certain there could be similar statements made to the power that the church has possessed in America as well. The way that Christians have treated single mothers, gay and lesbians, and our enemies (think: liberals or Arabs) is something to be ashamed of. Even if you completely abhor the way Christians have been abusive toward our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, you must also be humble enough to in some way say “it’s my fault” or at the very least “i’m sorry” for what my people have done. We’ve got to take ownership of our baggage! Anything less is to stay in darkness, anything less is to push humility, graciousness, kindness, and purity to the margins of our beliefs and practices in preference of holding onto what seems to me as some form of pride.

Regardless of your philosophy, theology, etc. I believe we can recognize that atheism has some solid footing doesn’t it? If Christianity worked it would be much harder to question it–let me clarify that statement. When a snapshot of Christian movement reveals a bevy of “one man, one woman” stickers, giant churches with giant budgets that are spent on giant screens and giant espresso machines, pastors whose major pursuit is to become some form of preaching rockstar, Christians who primarily talk about “whether they’re getting something out of it (church)”…I’m digging myself a ditch aren’t I? Oh well, when a snapshot of how Christianity “works” produces that…I can understand atheism (or any other form of rejection of a loving God) completely. Why would I want to believe in that? If, however, a snapshot of Christianity produced something that was more in tune with the life and ministry of Jesus…I wonder how things would be different.

So lets take ownership of the screwy things we’ve done in the past, the present, and the things we’ll do in the future. If we’re willing to own it then we’re able to truly pursue genuine forgiveness, reconciliation, and partnership. Lets better cultivate a culture of humility, brokenness, honesty, peace, and love!

I know that often times we can use grace language to avoid this type of discussion. We talk about how we’re all screwed up, how even Christians make terrible mistakes and all that jazz and that we can celebrate that we’re saved by God’s grace alone. But it’s exactly for those reasons that we should immediately be ready to live out of a place of humility–willing to ask for forgiveness and take ownership of our (epic) failures.

Christians are responsible for many wonderful and beautiful things throughout history. I hope that you don’t think that this blog represents my whole opinion of the church or of Christian history. Rather I see a problem with our willingness to respond to our baggage and it is out of this observation that I write this post. As I always attempt to do, I speak first to myself. I admit that I am being judgmental toward certain parties but am willing to err on judging one side of people a little too much than to err on the side of defending those who victimize the oppressed. And I see the act of celebrating and protecting the status quo as an act of supporting the victimization of the oppressed.

So to all of you single mothers who have not found church to be a safe place to find support both for you as a woman and for your child who might be missing out on a healthy father figure…I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve found it easier to ignore you than to come beside you. I’m sorry that you’ve had to be alone in that deeply difficult journey of paying bills, working a job, and raising kids all by yourself.

To all of you of the GLBT community I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you have not been welcome to the conversation of faith. I’m sorry that for much of my life I spoke about you rather than with you. I’m sorry that I have been more concerned with being right than being nice. I’m sorry I chose not to listen to you and therefore not value you as a beautiful creation of God.

To all of you who have been affected by war I am sorry. I’m sorry that I am so addicted to my lifestyle that I am a part of the system that demands oil. I’m sorry that we’ve sent you who are soldiers across the world and ask you to do things that damage your heart and your future. I’m sorry to those of you who have lived in a place ravaged by war, who have seen your homes and neighborhoods destroyed by it. I’m sorry that at one point in my life easily justified war as if the victims did not have families, the soldiers did not experience hell, and it was a good thing.

To all of you who think differently than me about faith, Christianity, the Bible, how to do church…I’m sorry. I’m sorry that this blog might come across as offensive to you. I’m sorry if I wrote this poorly or did not communicate my thoughts and my heart graciously. I love people and I wouldn’t intentionally be offensive if you were sitting here in my living room.

I’ve said enough already. peace.

Compassion Vancouver in Hindsight

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The weeks leading up to Compassion Vancouver were chaos. Posting fliers, hanging posters, and printing those fliers and posters minutes prior to their needed delivery. In one afternoon we lost all of our one eye clinic partner in the morning only to gain a new one by afternoon and then another by the evening of that same day. In that last week volunteers flooded the online signup, social service agencies came out of the woodwork to join in, and last minute doctors volunteered. That last week was chaotic. Who’s buying the hotdog buns?! Who’s picking up the coffee? Do we have enough shuttle drivers? What about garbage cans!? Recycling for water bottles? Do we have enough water bottles? Even amidst the chaos, however, were reminders of what we’re all about. There was a unique request that I do not have permission to detail here regarding a family in need of emergency orthodontic work. While there were no orthodontists at Compassion Vancouver, when I heard the special request I was confident that our team of people would be able to find the resources necessary to bless this family. In 24 hours two emails were sent off requesting help, and one private clinic offered to do whatever work was necessary for this family for free. It was beautiful that amidst the chaos of planning and preparing, our dental team was able and willing to do extra work to provide a special service for a family. This story is a perfect way to capture what I loved so much about being a part of this event. Compassion, dignity, and love are central to the identity of the Compassion events. What a blessing!

Back to the chaos…so many questions, so much to do, and all that chaos culminated on Friday-the day before the event. As some of us showed up five hours prior to the volunteer training that would happen that evening we discovered that the tables and chairs were not delivered. Try hosting a health care event without 60 tables and 150 chairs. As the school district tried to figure out what to do and what happened, and as I started counting in my head how many tables I could gather from local churches, up drove the truck–only a few hours after we discovered its absence. As we began setting up the event, constant adjustments were made as each group (dental, medical, social service agencies, etc.) began to see the reality of their needs for space and materials. We setup bounce houses for the kids, carried in mobile dental chairs, wheelchairs, boxes of medical equipment, etc. Essentially what we were creating was a mix between a M.A.S.H. unit, a mess hall, and a preschool all in one! And whether we were ready or not, come 7pm in flooded hundreds of volunteers. I nearly teared up as I looked out from the stage at a gymnasium filled with individuals who gave up their whole summer weekend to serve at Compassion Vancouver. It was breathtaking. (skipping forward a bit…I remember in an one hour stretch of time on Saturday around 11am I had to start turning away additional volunteers because we were already overstaffed. What a problem to have!)

On Saturday my day started at 5am as I got up, showered, printed some last minute documents that we’d need, and headed out to the school at five ’till six. At 6:45 we had our first guests in line waiting to get dental treatment. By 7:00 a line had begun. By 7:30 the first wave of guests had been triaged and shuttled to an off site clinic for dental work. While the event did not technically open until 9am, by 8:00 the social service fair was filled with people (though all the social service were not there yet) and both haircuts and chair massages started. Our six stylists and our massage therapist worked with only a handful of short breaks from 8:00 until 3:00. I truly consider their manual labor one of the greatest gifts that was offered at Compassion Vancouver. And even though I tried to elicit it, I heard zero complaints about cramping hands, arms, or sore feet from any of these dedicated technicians!

The social service fair, which functioned as the central hub of the whole event, was filled with thirty different social service agencies from our neighborhoods. It was a beautiful blend of addiction recovery groups, Christian ministries, services for women and for children, gardening opportunities, mentoring programs, marriage enrichment opportunities, legal aid, and more. Not only do the social service that were present already do so much and offer so much to our neighborhoods but at Compassion Vancouver they were gracious, kind, and thorough in their presentation and conversation.

I will do my best to post and forward on the stories that begin to emerge from the event. I have been out of commission over the last week and have therefore not worked to solicit stories from participants. Because my work was with the social service fair I cannot speak to what happened with those who were working in the onsite dental clinics, the onsite medical clinics, the shuttling to off site dental clinics and optometrists, those working with the children, the team of wonderful hospitality people who brought trays and trays of food to volunteers, people waiting in lines, and doctors working. Let me close by giving some of the numbers. Some of these are estimates at this point while others are more solid. But they all help to give a picture of what happened on August 7th at our first Compassion Vancouver event:

  • 250 volunteers
  • 128 guests received dental work
  • 125 guests received medical treatment
  • 300 Danner boots were given away (via custom personal fittings)
  • 30 social service agencies present in the social service fair
  • 700 meals served
  • 100+ haircuts given away
  • 130 kids went through the children’s program
  • 50 custom fit prescription glasses were given away
  • Estimated 400 guests were a part of Compassion Vancouver

This is what it means to be a follower of Jesus. Good stuff. Thank you to everyone who dedicated time and energy at the event itself, before the event, and those who are currently serving in follow up services. You are an amazing bunch of people.

If you still need treatment there are additional Compassion events happening. Visit www.compassionconnect.com and get in line at 6:30 and get your work done!

peace.