I can’t think of any other phrase except to say “what a trip”!
Even just a few weeks ago I had never pictured myself as a rehab patient (I probably should have…but I didn’t). I know my story is nothing at all like the movie Regarding Henry but it is exactly what I felt like yesterday as I spent my first day in the rehab unit here at the hospital. You know those two bars that rehab patients hold onto as they learn to walk for the first time again…that’s me! What the what? You know those teams of encouraging PT’s and OT’s who are saying nice things, giving them pointers, saying “come on Ryan, one more step…” that’s me! I’m Harrison Ford from the movie! (except that I wasn’t a jerk before hand…and I can talk and read…and…yeah…you get it). It’s just such a trip to realize that I am actually, genuinely, completely learning how to walk again.
I know this post has not been an epic one of powerful words, well written thoughts, or even a cohesive news update…but if you haven’t picked up on it yet, I’m just now coming to grips with the fact that my new (as of right now) reality in life is that I’m a baby learning to walk. Who’d a thought? A few weeks ago I was in pain…but I was walking down Main Street in Disneyland! Shoot, a few days ago I was anticipating surgery and in bad pain, but in 48 hours of time I managed to get down to the pub and even plant some spinach in my garden. Now? Now, I’m giddy to have a strap on pee bag so that I don’t get tangled when I try to use my walker. What. A. Trip.
And yet…my body is doing well. I’m moving more than I should. My pain is less than it should be. I’m full of confidence and energy. I’m in what appears to be an amazing facility. I’m still crying constantly about the support of my friends and family (…yep…just cried again while typing this…), and I can gladly call this home for at least the next 7-10 days.
Here we go!
(Just as an FYI that need some more of the details…we’re waiting for positive pathology reports to show up between June 7-10. Once we get those reports we’ll be able to have a more firm understanding of what to do concerning the left over tumor ‘fingers’ intertwined in my spinal cord. Right now the spinal damage being shown includes lack of bowl/bladder function and pretty strong paralysis down my right side from my belly button to my shin…more or less. There are other spots of numbness, tingling, etc. as well but these are the major concerns)
I can honestly say (I think) that my wife and I show compassion to people. But I can also honestly say (I think) that we’re also a little like automaton droids who have no feelings. I have no feelings because I’m an even tempered guy who seeks to cultivate peace in his surroundings–essentially, extremes are avoided and an easy going or laid back emotional response to things is safe and manageable. Jess is more of a pleasure seeker as a person, generally trying to enjoy the good life and avoiding painful stuff. This leads both of us toward a path of not often experiencing extreme emotions (I should say here that I’m actually more thinking about negative emotions…crying I should say.)