My goal with the Internet and social networking is to be as productive as I can while doing as little as I can. Plaxo. Facebook. Twitter. Friendfeed. Myspace. LinkedIn. Blogging. Tumblr. Delicious…Oh my, I could go on for a long time! I want to connect with people. I want to meet new people. I want to stay connected to old friends. I want people to know what’s going on in my life, family, and ministry. But holy guacamole there’s a lot of stuff out there that it takes significant time just to know about it all. By the time I found out about Twitter it was already being rumored as a potential flop.
All that is to get to this letter to the editor of the Internet:
Dear editor of the Internet,
I appreciate everything you do for me. I am grateful for the fact that my generation will be the most informed to walk the face of the earth thanks to you (though, only to be surpassed by the ensuing generations). You’ve given me my sports page. You’ve given me wordpress, flickr, and stumbleupon all of which have changed my life. I give you credit for Ikea. I’m not sure why you get credit for creating Ikea, but Ikea is just so cool that it had to have started on the internet. But I’ve got a bone to pick with you. Can you please slow down? And can you please do what I want? I mean, as soon as I figure out blogging everyone stops blogging and starts doing facebook. And as soon as get comfortable with facebook I start realizing all the things that it doesn’t do that I want it to do! You’ve taught me that I can get whatever I want on the internet instantly, and now I feel as though you’re reneging on your promise. Not cool. Don’t even get me started on porn. Bad idea internet. Sure it keeps our economy afloat, but it’s kind of disgusting. Anyway, I digress from my rant. Please make applications for facebook groups. And please make Twitter actually do something. And please create the widgets that I want and need for my wordpress blog. And please make my lawn grow slower. And could you please let me stumbleupon some really good websites instead of the garbage that I’ve been finding as of late. And will you please give me lots of friends on facebook so that I’ll feel better about myself? Oh, and please get rid of myspace. It’s annoying. In closing, Internet Editor, I’d like to say that while I’m grateful for many things, I desire you to fix many things, and I’m a little upset about all the porn, what it all comes down to is that I’d like you to allow me to download movies that are still playing in the theaters without getting viruses and without hurting my conscience. If you cannot live up to my demands, then I make you this promise: I will continue to operate in the exact same way, I will continue to give Clear my lunch money, I will continue to grow my delicious bookmark portfolio, I will keep blogging, but I will be very upset about it!
Sincerely, Ryan