The Christmas season is supposed to be about the things that are important. And yet I, like you, get so caught up in the busyness of the holiday season that I’m too busy to every reflect or enjoy the actual core important things that surround this season. So I think it has been just wonderful that we have been hemmed into our homes by a little snow storm here in the NW. It’s forced me to slow down, sit around, play a game or two, and play more with my kids. Not only is snow amazing and beautiful, but it’s also been emotionally refreshing…I’ll give the credit for snow to Jesus.

I generally try to avoid sports talk on my blog even though I love sports quite a bit. But I realize that it doesn’t appeal to my general readership.
But I’ve got to sound off here real quick. Guess who, baring a miracle, will win both of his fantasy football leagues as of tomorrow?! Yep, that’s right, I’m talking about myself. In one league I finished first and then carried my momentum straight into the playoffs where I dominated myself to a first place finish. In the other league I barely made the playoffs. In fact I was so bad that I decided to name my team Moxie Machine after my friend Jonathan’s business (he happened to be in first place in this very league) hoping it would bring some success. Well, I made it into the playoffs and then proceeded to dominate my first place friend in the first round of the playoffs on my way to another championship!
I think it’s obvious, but it must be said…this year…I’m the balls.
Three cheers for Moxie Machine…and…three cheers for Team Windex Firefox…hip hip hooray!

Truth can be an annoying word can’t it? So often it’s something that’s argued over, that’s fought over, and must be defended. The truth! The truth is often defined as whatever it is that I believe that I must try to get you to believe. The truth is that Jesus is the only way and if you don’t believe this then you’re living in lies or falsehood. The truth is that I am rigth and you are wrong. Truth. Stephen Colbert has coined the word “truthiness” to mean something that people know to be true instinctively or from the gut. The famous line spoken by the Truth himself “know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” can often get misinterpreted as “knowing the right things, ideas, and concepts will bring freedom.” Is that true? Is that accurate?
While much of that might be a good description of truth, it is incomplete. When Jesus was talking about being set free by the truth it was within the context of obedience, of action. “Knowing” the truth might be better said as “living out of the truth”. The reality is that there are things that are true of you, of me, of our world, our or experience, of God, of sin, of…there are things that are true of all those things that we ignore (by choice or by ignorance) and instead live out of a lie. The truth is that God will provide all I need, but act as if God has promised to give me all I want. The truth is that I am a beautiful creation intended for creating more beauty in my world, but I act as if I was created for self fulfillment and for destroying the world around me. The reality is that having sex with multiple partners destroys the precious inner self we were created with, but we live as if temporary pleasure is all that matters. The truth is that we were created for community, but instead we try to isolate ourselves from others. The truth is that every single person is loved by God, but I act as if there are certain people whose choices are so twisted that they should not be loved by me or anyone else let alone God. There is so much truth that we need to not just choose to believe but choose to experience.
The truth doesn’t necessarily need to be fought over, argued about, and defended but rather needs to be experienced, shared, given, lived out, and embraced.
Are you living out of the truth?

I just got a grandma Cooper flashback…
I remember when we (me and my sisters) were little and we’d be at my grandma’s house she’d always warn us about letting her dog (or any dog for that matter) lick our hands or face. “Dog’s have very dirty mouths” she’d warn us. But do you know what her alternative was? She suggested, and she was not joking, that we allow dogs to like our ears. You don’t touch your ears often, your ears won’t share as many dog germs as your face or hands might, and you won’t ingest as many germs if the dog only licks your ears. Your ears!?! Do you know how hard it is for a nine year old boy to get a dog to lick his ear? Do you realize how goofy that looks? Go ahead, try to get a dog (or any animal for that matter) to lick your ear right now. Go ahead. I’ll wait…
Good ol’ Grandma Cooper…so many good stories.

I’d like to post a blog that my wife wrote and then covered up with another quick post. I think it’s a great expression of her heart and inner struggle and I think it’s of value for others to read. It’s long, but I hope you can enjoy.

Lots of changes in all the plans that I have been making over the pat couple of months. I don’t know if you remember the plans for the foster baby? Well, if you haven’t guessed they are on hold. With Ryan intending to go back to school, we felt like adding another baby to the mix would be a little much. We were also advised by some past foster parents to maybe wait until our children get a few years older. I do know there will always be the need and really do look forward to when we will be able to care for a little baby until their parents become equipped and desire to do so. Moving on…

(Hey Ashtin, I tried to call you tonight. Do you not have an answering machine hooked up yet?)

I am sure, if you have been reading Ryan’s blog at all you know we are in the middle of fund raising for this next year. i don’t know what my deal is this year…usually things like fund raising make me excited and anticipating, watching what God will do and really expecting that He will do something great. But this year I have been quite the downer. I am anxious about the whole thing…strangely stressed and not really invested or wanting to hear updates or keep up with anything. And it seems as though instead of praying and seeking God, I am trying to figure out solutions on my own. How can I make money? Or thinking maybe we should look into different jobs. I have even found myself being angry with Ryan and wishing he would have just been a normal minister in a church that pays him, instead of after over three years of work, just having a one year long part time salary…that we had to raise. The problem with this anger is that (besides that fact that one should not be angry at their husbands…in general) WE chose this ministry, not just him. Anyway, I have been in a really down place about this all.

I have been trying to put a finger on what it is that is causing this shift. This frustration and general lack of faith. I have come up with a couple of possibilities. One might be that this last year was rough financially. Not like “my marriage and all of life is barely hanging on” rough, but more “living several thousand dollars below the poverty level in a expensive city is really hard” rough. The thing is that i think my family has actually been blessed through this and most of the time I don’t even view myself as someone who is poor…I feel I make sacrifices, but never poor. I think we have gained a healthy view of materialism and finding happiness without having an excess of things (although we do have a lot). But at the same time I really do have pity parties and get in a place where I think…”seriously a girl sometimes would like anything new that fits or not have to feel guilty over spending $2 dollars on a coffee with a friend.” Usually I do not dwell in this place long, because God humbles me and brings my heart around, reminding me that I have it SO much better than millions of other people. This time though I think I have been in this spot a little longer and maybe it’s because I am looking at another year of this same very simplified living and maybe it is because of the season. It has been so much easier for me to stop wanting so much by just stopping to shop all together. But now with the Christmas shopping it reminds me of “what I don’t have” or the fact that “my clothes are no longer in style”. (this would be an interesting thing to explore deeper in the future…how, when we are not in a place to compare with others and their things, is everyone more happy? if we stopped putting ourselves in places that told us we want more, would we not want it anymore? i think so…) Isn’t it interesting that something can bless us so much and be so hard at the same time. I wish that our nature wasn’t such that we had to continually put our hearts in check. Wouldn’t it be easier if we could just make a decision and have a conviction and stick to it without having to continuously rededicate. So this might be one reason.

Another reason is that I have ideas of how things should go. I really feel that I have good ideas and plans…wouldn’t it be best if God would just align himself with them? \In the past I don’t think I really grasped the extent of how God’s plans are usually much different than ours. I have always know this, but this year in obedience to him i experienced it. Man it is hard sometimes…but would I have changed it? i think true faith that requires us to actually trust that God loves us more than we love ourselves and that he really does know and want better for us is so hard. I have discovered though that hard living in God’s plan is peaceful and blessed and beautiful…living a little easier in the present, but not in God’s will may seem easier to bare, but you miss out on so many blessings and your life can never be as truly beautiful. Even after saying all this and really believing it, I am at the place right now of having to follow what I believe even though i don’t really want to. Hard.

Sorry if it feels as though I am dumping, i really think it is just refreshing when Christ followers will be real and open about the journey that faith actually takes and I always want to be honest with you.

Now, for today, we don’t know what God has in store for us in 18 days, when our funding is essentially gone. We don’t know where God is wanting Ryan to go to school or how we will pay for it. We are unsure where we will be living after February or weather or not i will be working. But I do now that the last sure thing we did know is His calling for us here working for renovatus. I know that he loves us and following Him will ultimately bring lives of beauty that we ourselves could not have composed. I know that God provides for and blesses his children in more ways then they can understand. And I am choosing to live out of that in faith…weather or not my heart feels up to the challenge. Pray for me that I will step out in faith again everyday.