I thought it might be a good idea to give everybody an update of the Woods family life.

First off, let me say that for Lent I’ve given up web surfing (aside from writing a blog now and again of course). I only say this because those of you who have a blog need not be sad. I’m still reading through me email reader, I’m just not commenting.

Jones is saying more words than ever. He eats poo poo candy every day (it’s Winnie the pooh vitamins that Jones calls poopoo candy) so that is kind of funny. There was a time last week when all three of us were throwing up and we were a pretty pathetic bunch. It’s sad, though, when your one and a half year old already knows how to throw up into a toilet or cooking bowl. Jones is an artist and loves to paint and to draw. Just last week he drew a picture of his teacher (from the Clark College toddler class that he attends) Andrea and said that she was nice. It’s funny though ’cause he doesn’t say nice like “she’s a nice person”, no, he says it like you would if your friend was like “hey check out my new Porshe” and you’d say “Niiiice”.

Our fetus no longer looks like an alien. Its body is the size of a large lemon and its head is starting to get more proportioned. Jess is still real sick though. She had to stay overnight at the hospital last week. She’s lost quite a bit of weight and was severely dehydrated. It took nine bags of fluid before they’d let her go. Poor girl. Things might be looking up though because she actually went to Target yesterday! Leaving the house is a big deal for her these days. But she’s being strong and is anticipating feeling better any day now (fingers crossed).

I finished reading Irresistible Revolution by Shaine Claiborne. If you don’t know it, learn about it. He’s a co founder of the Simple Way community. If you read this book, though, get ready to make some changes in how you live your life…or at the least get ready to feel guilty because you know you need to make changes but refuse…I hope you do the former and not the latter.

Nothing real special about this blog, I’m heading to bed right now so my thoughts are too coherent.

Last thought: Being a Christ Follower is an amazing gift. If we choose to we can find purpose and fulfillment in the most meaningless tasks, in the most painful of injuries, and in the dullest moments. What a beautiful thing!

So at the hospital they have this chart to help you communicate with the doctors what type of pain you’re in. The spectrum is from 1-10. Simple enough right? But to help you better identify your place in this spectrum they’ve given you the two extremes. “No Pain” and “Worst Pain Imaginable”.
Do you ever think they’ve had someone claim a ten?
Here’s what would happen if I were a doctor…
Me: Describe to me how much pain you feel based on our little diagram here.
Patient: Definitely a ten. I’m in excruciating pain.
Me: Seriously? You can’t imagine any pain worse than what you’re feeling right now?
Patient: No, not at all.
Me: Are you sure? Have you tried?
Patient: Tried what? What are you talking about? I’m in excruciating pain here!
Me: I know you’re in pain, but it just seems to me that if you tried you could probably imagine pain worse than what you’re experiencing right now.
Patient: No, I don’t think so. I feel like cutting my head off I’m in so much pain.
Me: what about paper cutting your eye ball?
Patient: NO!
Me: Ok, how about shoving chopsticks in your ears? Or what if you took a cheese grater to your face until you died. Would that be worse?
Patient: You’re sick.
Me: But I’m right?
Patient: No, just sick.
Me: Ok, fine then, what if you got flipped inside out like an umbrella, or had to chew on sand until your teeth fell out? Or what if you had to get an iv on your kneecap before a big race. Oh, or how about if you were trying to stop the elevator from closing but when you stuck your arm out it didn’t stop and it pinched your arm really really hard?
Patient: You’re not only sick, but you’re an idiot. Can I see a different doctor?
Me: Not until this is resolved damn it! What if you tripped and fell down a flight of marble stairs, but in the process you spilt the coffee you were holding all over a person at the bottom of the stairs, and then that person proceeds to pay you back by ripping all of your finger and toe nails off and then grating fresh lemon zest all over them to boot?! What about that Mr. I’m In The Most Pain Ever?
Patient: You know what? This exchange with you is beginning to be the most painful of my life. I’m leaving now.
Me: Would you say that it’s the worst pain imaginable? ‘Cause if so I don’t think you have enough imagination.

Thats why I’m not a doctor…that and the medical bills…and the lancing of puss filled things and shots, I don’t like shots…but thats about it.

When I was a kid my grandma used to stress about how dirty a dogs mouth was. So when we were at her house we weren’t aloud to let the dog lick our mouths (not a big loss right?). Here’s the funny part though, as an alternative to the dog licking our mouths she was adamant that the dogs could lick our ears instead! I remember her time and time again telling me “just let her lick your ear Ryan, just your ear.”

That’s what I’d like to leave you all with today: only let dirty animals lick your ears.

My wife had a dream last night that I would like to relate to you. The following events actually took place…in my wifes mind…while she was asleep…last night…
We just found out that Jen and Ben were coming into town! Jess and I went to my parents house to wait for their arrival, but while we waited my mom brought out Jen’s new baby pictures. Jess was like “Jen had a baby? I didn’t even know she was pregnant.” My mom’s response was “oh, did we forget to tell you that she was pregnant? I told Ryan.” Then I responded “Sorry Jess, I forgot to tell you.”
Mom: “But I did drop the ball when I forgot to tell you that she had the baby last week. Sorry ’bout that.”
Jen and Ben arrive. The baby had blond hair with pitch black predominant eye brows. He was slightly odd looking. Jen said that he looked like Bens side of the family. After congratulatory remarks Jessica asks, “So whats your baby’s name?”
Jen: “Nurbit (pronounced Nore-bit) Jones Soda LA Bumper Sticker Ries. We wanted to name him Jones, but we knew that was already used. Ben came up with the first name and Lisa and I came up with the middle while we were jogging in San Diego. We wanted a name with meaning…we’re not quite sure what Nurbit means yet except: To Nurbit Something. We’re still working on that part.”

Thats it. Thats the whole dream. Nobody but Jess thought any of it was strange at the time. Any interpretations out there?