So did you hear the big news that Pope Benny read some quote that referred to Muslims as “evil and inhumane”? Yeah, apparently he read it at some graduation in Germany and now all people everywhere are up in arms about it. I agree that making broad generalizations about people is wrong and all that, but here is the funny part. Since that blunder there has been one nun killed, many photos of the pope torched, rioting, a calling for jihad against those who follow the cross, and countless protests. Don’t get me wrong, I know that someone as important as the pope can’t just going around saying what he thinks, but isn’t it funny that the outcome of his statements has been violence? Doesn’t that, in some way, agree with his words? In every religion, political party, group, associate, nation, club, or family there is going to be radicals. People that take things too far. People who misrepresent the others in the group. I know that to some respect this is the case with the Muslim community here, but man, I’m overwhelmed with the sheer number of radicals associated with that group.
I guess everyone has their time, their spot in history where they do atrocious things to people (honestly I have no idea if thats true, but lets just go with it for now). But I guess these days I see people raggin’ on Christianity all the time. You’ve got that one rapper dude on the cover of Rolling Stone mocking Jesus, you’ve got Madonna hanging on a disco cross with a crown of thorns on a soon to be aired nbc special, every famous person in Hollywood speaks about how Muslims are misunderstood all the while trashing Christianity. And it’s not Hollywood to blame, ’cause they just give us what we want. Thet give us what gets them the fame and fortune (for more on this see Vanna White, she’s filthy rich). I’m just tired of it. Maybe we should get some more prominent radicals to kill a nun, enslave a nation with war, declare holy war on some Buddhists, burn pictures of Muhammad (oh wouldn’t everybody just love that! Not only would we have pictures of him, we’d also be burning them!)…and then, then if we did all of those things, maybe then people would cry out: “Christians are misunderstood! They’re a peace-loving bunch of people!”

As I have made very clear in the past, I know very little about world news. I need to change that in my life, but thats just how it is. So, after reading this post I hope you can remember that I’m pretty ignorant of what is going on big picture.

Oh, and I disagree with much of what I said. So don’t worry too much about it.

Don’t tell my wife, but Jess isn’t my dream girl. No, my dream girl doesn’t sell Mary Kay for a living, she touches. Yep, my dream girl touches for a living. She used to turn em and burn em, but now she simply gives her gentle touch and receives millions for it (not to mention the fame and prestige that follows). Her life consists of evening gowns, walking across stages, and flirting with one particularly short old man. We’ll call him “Pat”.
Who is this dreamy woman? Why none other than Vanna White! Yeah! She’s got the greatest job ever. It used to be that she had to turn those big nasty letters, but now she just touches the little screens and boom, you’ve got a vowel. The show could go on without her. She’s completely expendable. She literally does nothing…and she’s famous and rich for it! I want that job. I can do it, I know that I can. You should see me walk, I’m really good at it. I don’t look so hot in an evening dress, but I can work on that. I’ve been sending letters to wheel of fortune for three years now trying to convince them that I’ll do VW’s job for half the wages, but they have yet to bite. I’m just biding my time until Vanna trips and hurts her ankle or something. Then they’ll need me. They’ll be begging for me…I hope.

Do you have any dream jobs out there?
Here’s your inspiration:

I’ve been trying to figure out how to best write this blog, but alas I feel that things would be best represented if I just cut and paste the article into my post. So here it is. React to it. Let me know what you think. And remember that this is no joke.

Freehold, Iowa – After working with several church pastors for the better part of two years, James Montrose, principal of Landover Elementary School, announced last week that an abridged KJV Bible, omitting all references to illicit and deviant sex acts, has been finalized for use at the school next year. Montrose formally proposed to the Board of Deacons that the new Bible, roughly the size of a theater program, be required reading in all classes in place of the salacious unabridged version.
“It is beyond question that the Holy Bible, in unedited form, is simply not appropriate for children,” observed Montrose in testimony to the Board. The unabridged Bible is loaded with passages describing in detail such disgusting topics as premature ejaculation (Leviticus 15:2-15; 22:3-5), wet dreams (Leviticus 15:16-18, 32), voyeurism (Leviticus 18:6-20); damaged testicles (Leviticus 21:20; Deuteronomy 23:1); people taking a dump in the middle of camp (Deuteronomy 23:12-14); hemorrhoids (1 Samuel 5:9; 6:4-5), people urinating on a wall (1 Samuel 25:22; 26:34; 1 Kings 14:10; 16:11; 21:22; 2 Kings 9:8), people eating their own feces and drinking their urine (2 Kings 18:27; Isaiah 36:12; Ezekiel 4:12, 15), menstruation (just about all of Leviticus), etc., etc., etc. And those are just from a few books I reviewed this morning. Some of these topics are too prurient even for an S&M club. In fact, many parts of the Good Book are so tawdry that the Bible would be the first book hurled into the flames at our weekly book burnings – were it not inspired by God, of course.”
Montrose, along with Pastors Seff Stryker and Don Holmes, prepared the new version of the Bible by scratching out all the X-rated passages in one of Montrose’s old copies of the KJV 1611. “By the time we were finished, my old Bible looked like a White House Enron document produced to a Senate subcommittee,” noted Montrose. “But as a result of our work, children will no longer be exposed to Biblical passages too risque for Penthouse Forum. And children will be able to finish reading the Bible within days of the start of the school year. This will afford their teachers plenty of time to have students memorize passages describing the violence God inflicts upon sinners.”
Not all Board members favor the proposed new version. Brother Harry Hardwick led a minority of deacons opposed to the abridged Bible. “Don’t get me wrong,” cautioned Brother Harry. “I recognize that the definitive version of the Lord’s Word was written by that unrepentant sodomite, King James, and therefore contains far more graphic descriptions of intimacy than any heterosexual author would ever have inserted. Nevertheless, many of these passages offer useful information to children, such as the disastrous fate that awaits them if they lust, masturbate or have premarital sex. Without including the passages describing God’s wrath toward the sexually active, many youngsters may believe they have a green light to practice the most deviant of acts.”
In response to Brother Harry’s concern, Pastor Deacon Fred proposed the following amendment to Montrose’s proposal:
“All children will be told each day during homeroom that any sexual activity before marriage, with or without a partner, will send the culprits hurtling toward Hell where red-tailed demons with giant purple penises will sodomize them for eternity.”
After the Board passed his proposal with the amendment, Montrose agreed to instruct teachers to deliver the homeroom lecture ever morning. However, he warned that he was unsure how teachers would explain to their pupils what “sodomize” means – especially since they will no longer have the full Bible as a reference.

Yeah Jen, I’ve found that one can type virtually anything that one wants…and it’s still counts as a blog…albeit, a boring blog, but a blog nonetheless. By the way, I’ve always liked that “nonetheless” was one word that should be three.
Here’s a picture that I found. I thought that I should share it with you all:

It’s Santa. With some antiques. And a gold watch.

…Real post coming soon…