Tag Archives: Cancer

One Down, Eleven More To Go

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So that wasn’t too bad. Five days of 340mg of Temodar every night before bed, throw in a cocktail of anti-nausea meds, a little Vicodin, and a few extra naps and it went by pretty quickly (my wife might say otherwise!) The doc says that I’ll probably feel the juice flowing through my body for another five to seven days but it’s nice to know that one treatment’s down with only eleven more to go (and another 4 weeks before I’ve got to take more!).

Tomorrow morning at the delicious time of 6am I’m flying out to Nashville to be a part of a large gathering of Kairos Church Planting participants. It should be an exciting week of hearing stories from around the United States concerning the creativity and innovation that’s happening in starting new faith communities for new people. I feel blessed to call myself a part of this larger national family…now if only I could count on someone to help me shower and take my pills when I get there…anyone? Volunteers?

Seriously though, keep me in your thoughts and prayers that there’s no complications on the plane (blood clotting in my legs from sitting too long would be bad), that the after affects of the chemo don’t keep me down while I’m there, and (most importantly) that my wife survives without me while I’m gone (I’m pretty hard to live without).

Old and Young…we all bleed

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Jess’ grandpa and I have a lot in common. You wouldn’t think it at first. He’s a retired mechanic who lives in the high desert of California. He enjoys fishing, he’s crass, and he’s got a cool glass eye…I don’t posses many of those attributes.

But we do have lots in common and last night it was funny to talk about.

“How much Coumadin you takin’ these days? Oh, wow, that’s quite a bit! And they’ve got you taking Asprin too? Yeah, I’m down to 5mg a day but I’ll still bleed like a mother if you cut me! I used to take more but as my steroids get lower so does my need for it. You too eh? Yeah those ‘roids will mess you up.”

We talked about our blood thinners, about being on steroids, about putting on water weight, and about our procedures* we’ve each had done. We swapped stories about anesthesia, which pain killers we prefer, and getting our blood drawn all too often. Good doctors, bad doctors, new medicines, bad side affects…so much to talk about! So much in common!

On this level (and maybe only on this level) we understand each other, speak the same language, and have a common story. We’re living it out in opposite order–he never had a single health problem ’till he hit 65…then the flood gates opened. I, on the other hand, am getting all my procedures and medical issues out of the way early so that I can cruise once I hit 65 (that’s my plan right?). And here we are meeting in the middle.

It’s funny how all this works. Who’da thought that Papa BJ and I would ever have so much in common. Life’s funny like that.

 

* That’s what you call surgeries and such when you start to age.

Can you Handle This?

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the immortal words of Destiny’s Child

Can you handle this?

Can you handle this?

Can you handle this?

I don’t think they can handle this.

In the movie 50/50 that I blogged about recently the main character’s girlfriend cheats on him in the middle of his cancer treatments. She doesn’t just cheat on him but obviously fails to be a support to him in many ways. On NPR, speaking about the story behind the movie, the writer shared how the girl friend character represented all those who were unable to walk with him in his journey of fighting cancer.

This really resonated with me. I have had an amazing support system through all of this (and continue to be supported in amazing ways) but there has been loss. There’s been loss of relationship in different areas of my life and in many of those areas it’s come down to some unknown element of that person not being able to deal with the reality of what cancer brings. At first I was a bit hurt by it, I felt a bit abandoned by certain people who I thought would be present during the sickness because they were present before the sickness.

Today I feel much more compassion and understanding (I’m grateful to the movie for helping me to process some of this). While we’re each responsible for our own choices, there is an element of reality to the fact that some are just not fully equipped (for whatever reason) to deal with the harsh realities of a friend fighting cancer (one could probably fill in the blank with many different diseases or crisis’ here). We all have baggage and some of our baggage does not allow us to walk in certain places. Some people just can’t go there, it’s too intense, or too painful, or too…something. On the flip side, some of our baggage allows us to walk with people in places where very few others can go! We’ve had some of these people too! Surprising people, previously unknown people have stepped up in the midst of the last five months to care for us in ways that we never would have expected…and almost %100 of the time it’s because they’ve had experiences that allow them to go with us to some of these places.

I don’t want to blame people anymore for their lack of ability, for their lack of experiences, for their lack of whatever that has kept them from being close during all this. It’s not fruitful and it’s also causing me to wonder how it reflects on me! I know of people in my past that I’ve abandoned because it was easier to forget than to care…and I know there will be more in my future! I want to extend the same grace to others that I hope has and will be extended to me.

Regardless, I grieve the (temporary?) loss of some relationships along the way, but I’ve come to understand that it’s just another exhibit of our humanity playing itself out in real life. I don’t want to blame people for their brokenness as much as I would hope they wouldn’t blame me for mine. Destiny’s Child was right, some people just can’t handle this…my body’s too bootilicious…but then again, so is yours.

The Truth About Squiggles

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So as you may have read in a previous post, I’ve got squiggles in my brain. We don’t really know what that means (neither did my radiation oncologist) but we know that in general one does not want squiggly lines in his brain.

On Sunday I finally got all of my MRI scans done (including a re-scan of my head), today I meet with my brain surgeon, tomorrow morning the monthly tumor board will gather around my case, and tomorrow late morning I’ll meet with my oncologist. Most likely whatever we find out will be murky and inconclusive (isn’t that how this works?), hopefully we’ll walk away with some basic idea of what the implications of having three ‘artifacts’ in my brain are, and ideally we’ll walk away knowing that I do not need more radiation or chemo for the time being.

Regardless we’d appreciate your prayers over the next two days. It’s been a long time coming to this point (and I realize it’s the first of many such points in our future) and we are eager to make it to Thursday.

The good news, the best news of all, is that bad news has always come on Thursdays (go ahead and research it. Read all the old blogs. Thursday has come to be synonymous with bad news ’round here)! Considering my appointments are on Tuesday and Wednesday I should be good to go. Bad news doesn’t come on Tuesday and Wednesdays. Only Thursdays. And on Thursday we’ll be sipping margaritas, smokin’ cigars, and celebrating the good news from the previous two days…right?

Have You Seen it Yet?

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Love the story behind the story and am intrigued by the movie. Definitely hits close to home! Have you seen it? Should I?