Tag Archives: church

Caught Off Guard by Being Caught Off Guard

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I’m constantly caught off guard by being caught off guard. It strikes me at the most surprising times and in the most mundane ways. I remember early on in my post surgery recovery being surprised when a character on a TV show or movie would get up and walk without a limp. My mind would automatically place on these fictional characters my own limitations (this was much earlier in my ‘learning to walk again’ phase). Not only was it shocking that they didn’t limp it was surprising to find myself making these unconscious awkward assumptions.

Even still today I often feel a similar twinge of shock. While I walk pretty normal (I do right?) and function quite highly (right?) I’m occasionally caught off guard by things that I can’t do. It’s not that I think that I CAN do them only to be disappointed when I can’t, it’s that I’m randomly faced with little things that I had forgotten I’d lost. Skipping for example. I didn’t skip much prior to surgery, it wasn’t really a big part of my life…but to know that I can’t even physically accomplish such a task is a strange thing. And it’s not that I sit around and think “Hey, I can’t skip”–it’s that I’ll see someone skipping and then instantly be faced with a thought that hadn’t crossed my mind before: “Hey, I can’t skip!”

Even further, I am shocked when I realize how quickly everything has moved. Doing our taxes brought a wave of emotion as I looked at my calendar from 2011. I was in school still. I was a part of a small group that had been gathering for many years. I was engaged in daily morning prayers with housemates. Those things feel like forever ago! I feel a twinge of…of…something. It’s just so shocking to see the changes that surprisingly occurred in a short amount of time. They were so unexpected, so unanticipated, and it feels like two completely different worlds, it feels like so long ago. But it wasn’t a long time ago.

Even more, while at the tax office we were reminded that it was exactly a year ago that Jess and I made the decision to NOT opt out of social security (clergy have the option to do so if they can justify it on certain specific grounds). We wanted to opt out because we felt as though we’d never use it ’cause it wouldn’t be around when we were old, but we felt like we could not justify opting out based on the stipulated conditions. So we stayed in. But who would have thought that only a few months later (ok, the money didn’t start coming in ’till December) we’d be partially living off of a social security disability check?! When we made that decision we absolutely did not think we’d ever need it nor be able to use it…and now look at us. So surprising. So unanticipated.

Some surprises are good: birthday parties, trips to Hawaii (leaving on Tuesday!), new friendships. Some surprises are rough: do I really need to list any more here? But surprises are a part of being human. Even further, surprises are a part of being a follower of God. My wife has always said that the two most surprising things in existence is the Spirit of God and humanity. Those two things never do what you expect, they’re always surprising you. So why would we think that when those two things blend together (church, life, neighborhood, relationships, etc.) we’ll have any ability to imagine what might be?! Why do we think that we can create bullet points for how God and humanity blend?

Our life is teaching us to expect surprises. Grassroots Conspiracy is an extension of this–it is our attempt to capture the localized story of the Spirit of God coming together amongst a specific people. God and humanity…so so surprising.

How to Start a Church…maybe

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I said it on accident a few months ago at our first Grassroots gathering of co-conspirators.

With intentionality comes inevitability.

And I think I mean it.

As a small handful of people who are committing to a way of life together, a way of life marked by what the early church called the good news have started gathering once a month. It’s not a worship service, we’re not a church, we’re a developing community of Christ-followers who are experimenting with a hunch.

A hunch that with intentionality comes inevitability.

Essentially the experiment is that if we live a certain way with intentionality it will inevitably lead to a new reality in our lives and our neighborhood.

Intentionally gathering together once a month as co-conspirators will help to propel us toward a greater commitment to a Jesus life where we live, work, and play.

Intentionally and radically living a gospel life (another way of saying living the Jesus way) where we live, work, and play will lead to the inevitability of gatherings. If and when people meet Jesus we suspect that there will be a need to gather together to explore such radical ideas and ways of living (’cause following Jesus really is a radical thing to do)

Intentionally gathering in living rooms, eating a meal together, and talking about Jesus stuff will inevitably lead to the need for even smaller gatherings of four, five, or six people where you are more deeply apprenticed into the ways of Jesus. Some things can only be learned through purposeful learning and experiences.

Intentionally gathering once a month in an effort to propel each other into mission, intentionally committing to a Jesus way of life in your world, intentionally gathering in living rooms to talk Jesus stuff and to learn the story, intentionally gathering in smaller groups to apprentice each other into the ways of Jesus will inevitably lead to the public gathering that we so often mistakenly refer to as church. As people move closer to the life of Jesus the need to publicly tell the story (both the ancient and present story) is absolutely necessary.

Each piece is not one of progression towards an end, there isn’t a conclusion once a “church service” is happening. It’s not about an end but about necessity. Each phase is an inevitable reality if lived with intentionality and each next phase is a necessity as transformation and movement is occurring.

Because with intentionality comes inevitability.

The hunch could be wrong. The pieces could be wrong too. That’s why this is called an experiment. We’re learning as we go, we’re learning as we get to know people, we’re learning as we better get to know the Spirit of God. We’re learning as we better get to know ourselves.

But I’m beginning to believe that when a group of people chooses to intentionally live a certain way a church is inevitable. Church isn’t a goal it’s an outcome. Church happens when people fall in love with Jesus so much that they’d rather die to their own desires and needs for the sake of others…I think.

Grassroots Conspiracy

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I haven’t blogged much about the Grassroots Conspiracy much. Partially I think it’s because I write about it in my Downtown Dispatches and don’t want to be redundant. Partially I think it’s because it’s been a constant work in progress, something that at times has felt so fragile in its inception that to speak too much of it would actually cause damage. Partially I think it’s because I want it to be a movement that is defined not by what I say about it but by how its practiced amongst people within a neighborhood.

Regardless it’s time we start telling the story. Over. And over. And over again. In different ways, from different angles, starting from different moments in time what we’ve decided to call Grassroots Conspiracy is synthesis of the story God has been telling through Jessica and I, the story God is developing amongst the people of the downtown Vancouver neighborhoods (as best we can discern), and the story that God is telling in Scripture (as best we’ve been able to discern). GC is a developing collection of people who are choosing to do a way of life together that is marked by a gathered and scattered set of rhythms. Traditionally the church has done the gathered part well. We’ve inundated ourselves with gatherings. Hmm…pie socials, worship services, potlucks, Sunday school, youth group, retreats, all nighters, prayer nights, committee meetings, elders meetings, budget meetings, meetings, etc. I’m not saying these are good or valuable things (who doesn’t like a pie social?) but we’ve lost the balance between the gathered church (1 Corinthians 14:26) and the scattered church (Matthew 26:16-20).

And so.

We gather once a month as co-conspirators, as people on mission together, as partners in this messy journey. The purpose of this gathering isn’t to worship (per se), it’s not to replicate the traditional Sunday gathering, its purpose is to encourage, tell stories, pray, challenge, and equip (I don’t like using that word) each other to lean more heavily into the Jesus invitation to a holistic gospel life. The hope and belief is that if a community of people band together and commit to a radically gospel centered life it will make a difference in a neighborhood. We don’t see ourselves as people who have to proselytize or  convince neighbors of the truth of Jesus’ claims  (because, lets be honest, they’re pretty audacious claims) rather we are attempting to be a community of people who are inviting people onto ‘blind dates’ with this man Jesus. It’s up to him to woo them, it’s up to them to choose to love, and it’s up to us to represent him well.

“Oh Jesus? Yeah you’d probably really like him. He’s really nice, he’d do anything for you, and he makes great wine. Why don’t the four of us double date sometime and you can get to know him?”

There are other rhythms that shape the Grassroots movement–but this first one, the once a month gathering of co-conspirators is where we start. Because to follow Jesus is to choose to live differently. It is to choose to forgo the values that this world has to offer: wealth, illusions of security, power through control, popularity…and instead pursue a way of life marked by the kingdom of God: simplicity, power through poverty, death to self, security in identity…To choose to live differently demands a cohort of people to invite you into deeper oddities–deeper ways of living differently–because being weird is only fun when your with other weirdos right? (at least that’s what my mom kept telling me all through Jr. High)

Theology Matters

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Theology matters. It might sound boring or distant or academic or fill in the blank, but I think the reality is that how we understand God (god, gods, goddess, or the lack thereof) and their relationship with the world defines much of how we ourselves understand reality.

Randomly and without regard for attempting to create a complete or whole list of any kind, here are some random pieces of theology that I’ve been mulling over lately that are important to me.

  • Death isn’t a doorway into a new reality, it is an obstacle that has been overcome. Death is something that attempts to have a stranglehold on our reality that, through Jesus, has been defeated. It’s not an entrance into a new world it’s a pain that’s been incapacitated and left as vulnerable and hallow. We often seem to think in terms of death as a right of passage when in reality it’s an extension of hell that Jesus decided to do away with. I say ‘extension of hell’ because it’s the outcome of our brokenness, of the fact that our bodies are falling apart, it’s a reality that we weren’t necessarily intended for…let me explain more in bullet point numero two.
  • Everyone in their right mind believes in hell. Ok, maybe everyone doesn’t believe in a subterranean place that stinks of rotten eggs and is filled with fire (did I just describe the Fire Swamp from Princess Bride?) But to live in the world and not see or experience hell is to be ignorant or incredibly distracted. Pain, suffering, injustice, addiction, cancer…hell. Hell on earth is a reality, it’s right in front of us, and to deny it is to deny the opportunity for its opposite to be true–namely hope, peace, restoration, transformation, beauty, compassion, forgiveness, healing, love…all those things that wage against hell in all its forms.
  • God doesn’t make shit. I know, I know, I could have said that a different way–but I think claiming the truth that God absolutely does not make crap is the best and most poignant way to be reminded of a number of essential truths that we often mask over. First off, you don’t suck. We might be broken (see bullet point numero two) but we are created in the image of God. God did not make a mistake in making you. Christina Aguilera might have got something kind of a little bit right: you are beautiful. Secondly believing that God doesn’t make shit reminds us that his creation (dirt, sand, sea stars, naked mole rats, etc.) is not something that’s just going to waste away and be destroyed. This world isn’t worthless, it’s not going to be burnt by fire one day as we move onto to some disembodied heavenly place. God isn’t a destroyer, he’s a restorer. Why would he destroy something that he has deemed good? No, God restores things! He restores them to their original purpose and intended beauty! Both our broken bodies and the breaking world he’s given us will one day be restored as he intended them to be because you don’t burn a Picasso if it gets spaghetti sauce on it, you restore it.
  • It’s all about a story. Theology and doctrine is less about bullet points (ironic bullet point eh?) and more about a story. The Bible is not a map, it’s not a rule book, it’s a story. It is an epic and grand narrative that we have been invited to participate in. When we try to reduce it to static bullet points what we’re trying to do is reduce it and remove it from it’s messy context. The reality is that there’s nothing we know about God that isn’t somehow a metaphor and there’s nothing we know from Scripture that isn’t from within the context of messy humanity. This doesn’t mean that snapshots aren’t ever appropriate (pictures still speak a thousand words right?) it just means that we must understand their place and identity. To stare at a picture is to recognize that it was taken amidst a scene, that it’s capture a slice of an event, of something that happened. Bullet point doctrinal statements or theological positions are still-frames within a movie…an epic movie…a movie where we’re invited to act in the fourth installment of the series.
  • Good news is good. If following Jesus isn’t good news for you and for those who are around you then somethings broken. Joining in the Kingdom of Love is a good thing that should be good to you and those around you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s not hard, I’m not saying that it doesn’t come with a cost, I’m not saying that life might even get tangibly worse in some ways once a person decides to join in the Jesus way…but pain and good are not enemies. Hard and good are not opposed to each other. Many of the best things (friendship, marriage, good food) come at a high cost. But following Jesus, choosing to live into the narrative of Scripture (see previous bullet point), and living a life that dares to lean into the ways of the Kingdom of God should not only be incredibly good news to you but it should be good news to those around you…it’s just the nature of the beast…isn’t it?

I could go on for a while though I think with every bullet point I might be digging myself a bigger hole as I give individuals more things to react against or disagree with! Theology is important, it oddly shapes us as we shape it (and vice versa), it helps us to live into and live out of a reality that can be wholly transformational…or, as I think we see very clearly in different places, theology can be wholly deceptive, destructive, and hurtful. This is why it is important to be a part of a safe community of people where you can hash this stuff out. Find a church, find a friend, find a book club, find a place where you can talk through and figure out what story you’re living out of, what story is defining you, and what story you’d prefer to define your future.

peace.

Listening to Mo…Again

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A few days ago I posted some words that my friend Mo wrote years ago. I hope you read them (if you didn’t, go back and read them right now!) They’re important words and her voice is an important one to listen to. Below is a more extended piece that she wrote for me that goes into greater detail about feeling like an outsider in the faith dialog. Read it. Print it. Send it to a friend. It’s worth it. It’s important.

I recently came upon a question posed on an online forum that provoked me. The question, essentially was: If outsiders have visited church services and found it wanting and don’t want to go back…what then? A number of people were uncomfortable with the use of the word “outsiders”. Including the person who originally posted the question for discussion. I‘m not. I think it is entirely appropriate. Especially in this context. I am myself an outsider. I was an insider before too.

I was not brought up in a church attending family. In high school I was drawn to a church youth group and fell in love with the church and it’s congregation. I went all the time. Really. For some reason they gave me a key to the church and I would go at midnight after school football games. I attended every service. I was there for most official church events as well as random off hours. When I felt weird and like I didn’t fit in at school because I was the only Asian kid in a sea of Caucasian faces, I felt safe, accepted and loved at church. I knew the lingo and the secret handshake! I eventually even went to seminary. I had definitely made the conversion from outsider to insider.

Then…I figured out that I am gay. And my church body decided I was an outsider. It was incredibly painful to be disaffected by my spiritual family. It was also frustrating to try to dialogue about my experience and be told I had nothing of value to add to the discussion until I “got right” with god and got rid of “the gay“. In other words, I was still allowed in the building as long as I kept my mouth shut. I was met with rigid legalism and much…MUCH finger shaking. I was NOT met with love. Or compassion. Or a desire to help me talk through this real challenge in my life. Nor was I met with an honest humility that we are all sinners and all sin is repugnant to God’s eyes. I don’t think being gay is a sin, but was never allowed to articulate my convictions. My experience is mirrored nationally. The church community I loved has declared war on my gay brothers and sisters. And me. So I left.

Now here I am, an outsider again. I went to other churches for awhile. It’s funny. If you attend services there is always a break for folks to greet each other and welcome newcomers. There is a new attendee (outsider) form you are encouraged to fill out so the church can follow up with you. I can attest from personal experience, of the 37 different churches I went to and filled out their form. (I did mention I was gay and not conflicted about it.) Exactly zero ever followed up with me. Periodically I get a longing to attend services and be part of a spiritual family that is working to build stronger communities through practical demonstration of God’s love. Mostly I squelch it. So we are back to the original question. If outsiders have visited church services and found it wanting and don’t want to go back…what then? This is me. I don’t want to keep bruising myself against the un-Christ-like inflexibility of an organized church. I don’t want to be the object lesson of how sanctified (read sanctimonious) YOU are because your sins aren’t political hot buttons. Hello….glass house…stones. I

I don’t know if I can ever believe in God again. I do know that if I am ever likely to, it won’t be from attending a church service. Tried that. Found it wanting. Don’t want to go back. End of story, right? Until I met an unusual Christian who doesn’t judge me or preach to me. Simply shares the stories of his life with me and is interested in the stories of my life. I don’t feel he has an agenda with me. Like some spiritual salesperson earning his eternal commission. (You know you’ve met them) I am extremely sensitive to “fake” concern over my spiritual wellbeing and threats of damnation if I don’t correct my behavior. Yet this Christian man never triggers my alarms. When I am around him or his wife I periodically think I may catch glimpses of Christ out of the corners of my eyes. I feel welcomed back into the discussion. I may or may not find my way back to the church again. But for the first time in many years I am engaged in an internal AND external dialogue about it that feels productive. Christians are called to go into the world (great commission stuff). I personally have only met two who are doing that. It renews my hope if not yet my faith to know that there are Christians willing to. It is scary to leave your comfortable church and your comfortable assumptions and meet “outsiders” where they are. It’s scary. It’s also what you are called to do.

– Mo