Tag Archives: Community

When Do We Stop Listening

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On a recent blog post a person commented “how long should we listen?” This question was in regard to me suggesting that regardless of your theological position on homosexuality–whether it’s right or wrong or whether the answer is to embrace it or live celibate or whatever*, we should take a posture of listening and open dialog.

I think there is a major assumption that underlies many people’s questions regarding the idea of listening and dialoging with those who see things differently from us. That assumption is that the only reason we listen and dialog to others is in order to achieve our desired outcomes. The assumption is that if somehow I know ahead of time that you will never ‘come around’ to my point of view there is then no reason to dialog with you. What’s the point if you won’t ever agree with me? While it is obviously impossible to know if someone will ever agree with us I think it is important that we challenge this assumption head on and question it for what it is…

We all do it at times. We do. Don’t deny it. But to only engage in dialog and to only listen to others when we think it’ll achieve our goals is unkind and denies the dignity of the other person. It assumes that they’re ignorant. It assumes they’re wrong. It assumes that we have nothing to learn. It assumes a lot. It is also slightly deceitful. Am I really listening to you if I’m only doing it in order to make you think as I do? I may pretend like I value your opinion, but if my purpose is to invalidate that opinion then how honest am I being?

What if we listened to each other because we valued the other’s voice? Because we valued that their opinions and thoughts represent who they are, what they value, and how they’re creating meaning in the world. What if we lived out of a place that recognized that while we cannot walk in their shoes and experience the moments that have shaped them, we can honor those experiences by valuing their voice–not because we want to change them but because we value who they are and who they are becoming. We’re all becoming something, we’re all being changed and transformed, and none of us are truly certain of who we are becoming (though we all hope to be changing in some kind of intentional direction don’t we!). So to listen to others, to make space in our lives for a posture of openness to dialog to those who think differently and see the world differently does not require that try to change them but rather that we believe we’re both being changed–that life is not static, and that life is not done in a vacuum but in relationship with others!

So how long should we listen? We should listen until they’re done talking or until dinner time ’cause then it’s time to eat and everyone knows it’s rude to talk with your mouth full.

 

* Not to suggest these are the only two options…or even to suggest that ‘options’ is a word to be used in this context!

It's Simple But it's Good

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Six years of education centered around theology, eight years of college level education overall, working in Portugal as a missionary for two years, working for six years starting a new faith community, and beginning a new and different movement here in downtown Vancouver…and my greatest insight, the thing that has struck me the most, what I’ve learned most through my crisis with cancer is that the “good news” is…well…good. When it’s lived out (particularly when it is lived out radically) it is tangibly good to those who experience or observe it. For someone who considers themselves a follower of Jesus this should be common sense, “duh”, obviously, of course-type of information. And yet, and yet…AND YET it is not so commonly experienced! I see far too many people who are followers of Jesus and yet seem to not experience the goodness of it themselves! They equate following Jesus with going to church, they equate it with a system of rules, with a system of morality, etc. While I believe church is a part of the goodness of following Jesus, and while I believe that Jesus invites us to say “no” to certain things…the reality is that when those things are the core to your belief I think you’ve missed the boat! You’ve missed what’s so good about the “good news”.  Going to church isn’t good news–being a part of a community of people who love you no matter what, who will be honest with you, who care for you, and who invite you to learn to reciprocate–that’s good news! Understanding yourself by what you say no to is not good news to anyone (unless you’re a seeker of control)–but learning to say no to things that are destructive to self and others–that’s good news!

Simply put, good news is good. Its tangibly good. It’s noticeably good. It’s nearly irresistibly good. It’s attractively good. And it took me getting cancer to really believe, see, and experience this.

Jesus invites us into a life that the Bible refers to as gospel (good news) and I hope it doesn’t take you getting cancer to truly and honestly believe it in all its beautiful simplicity.

Innovating in Vancouver

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If your from Vancouver and you’re not yet familiar with the Innovators of Vancouver project then you’ll want to get acquainted! What Chris is creating through this project is not just a set of videos but an attempt to capture some of what makes the ‘Couve special. The most recent episode is out and it focuses on Anni Becker who is the heartbeat of downtown Vancouver life. Anni is also one of the persons who coordinated the fundraising efforts for my family (so you might see yourself in this video if you were at Pop Culture on that fateful evening!). Music in the movie is done by local band Lincoln’s Beard which is another reason to watch.

I hope in watching this you’ll be able to catch a glimpse of what is emerging in the downtown Vancouver neighborhoods. Look and wait for this powerful quote:

“When you find out what a community is truly passionate about that’s when true change can happen.”

Change is happening.

Ninety-Nine Thank You's…and yet still not enough

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It’s time I said thanks to a few of you…

  1. Thanks Nancy for the balloon you brought to the hospital while I was in surgery. Every kid that visited me played with it (no joke)
  2. Thanks Amy for buying my family really good pizza the night before the surgery. The Meaty Beatty Big and Bouncy was a great way to head into a pre-surgery fast.
  3. Thank you Erika for coordinating meals so amazingly
  4. Thank you Patty for helping to keep our house from being gross. You practically killed the cancer by yourself (if it’s actually gone)
  5. Thanks Jon and Leandra for dinner!
  6. Thanks Debbie for not only bringing dinner but all sorts of other goodies
  7. Thank you Gina for depositing money into my bank and for helping with laundry
  8. Thank you Wintermute for the Bible. I’ll be eagerly waiting to see you next year.
  9. Thank you Josie for writing me a funny joke. I like jokes.
  10. Thanks Compass, Paul, and others for the night of prayer prior to surgery
  11. Thanks Aaron and Brittany for the ICU thai food. I wasn’t supposed to be on solid food yet…but it was worth it
  12. Thank you Renovatus kids and teens for the cards
  13. Thank you Carson for always going above and beyond when there’s a large something to draw on.
  14. Thanks Mom for keeping my garden, my children, and my wife alive during all this
  15. Thanks Luke and Marie for the delicious food!
  16. Thank you Granbergs for your leadership and mentoring in prayer
  17. Thank you Anni and Mo for the fund raiser. What a humbling and fun night
  18. Thank you Pepper for the book
  19. Thanks Sherilee for caring for my wife and keeping my house from being gross
  20. Thanks Matt, Tim, and Christie for the movies. When your awake at 4am what else are you supposed to do (besides write blogs and cry by yourself at times!)
  21. Thanks Graham fam for being present and available and for getting things done.
  22. Thanks for the pot of flowers Robbie and Chrissie…they only just died yesterday!
  23. Thanks to Karl, Sunrise, Emily, Phil, Erika, Ken, Laura, and others who were there during surgery even if I never saw you.
  24. Thanks Sam (Arslanian) for the robot drawing. My kids like robots too.
  25. Thank you Kathy for brining us flowers from your garden. You know we’re jealous of your edible and beautiful landscape
  26. Thanks Paul for watering my garden that one morning
  27. Thank you Rebecca for teaching me how to use my medicine!
  28. Thanks aunt Tina for giving me advice on getting my catheter ripped out
  29. Thanks Jill for so much, but especially the Wine Dogs…so incredibly strange and cathartic
  30. Thank you Federal Way cronies for the quilts (my son sleeps with his every night)
  31. Thanks for the milk shake Brandon
  32. Thanks Achterbosch’s for letting me watch some basketball and for all the great food you’ve provided
  33. Thanks Gina for the random Ice Cream Renaissance
  34. Thanks to Mo, Kate, Dwayne, Levi et al for all the little coffee and food surprises
  35. Thanks aunt Dee for the book but more especially for the trinkets for the kids
  36. Thanks downtown Ashely for secretly dropping off a card at the house. It was great to see turn up
  37. Thanks Anni and Kayli for the good food and creepy card
  38. Thanks to the mysterious person who decorated and wrote messages around our house when we came home from surgery. I still don’t know who you are!
  39. Thanks Mark for fixing our stair rail. I haven’t fallen yet.
  40. Thank you Rebecca for the concern and initiating prayer
  41. Thanks Katie for being one of kid’s favorite friends and for spending time just chillin’ at our house
  42. Thanks to the quilting aunts and Grandma for the prayer filled gifts
  43. Thanks Roy for fixing things ’round the house and giving us your wife all too often
  44. Thanks Sherk crew for weeding the backyard
  45. Thank you Brandon and Angela…too much to say here, but you care for so many people!
  46. Thanks Kim and crew for helping to clean the house
  47. Thanks Valentas for bringing over dinner (you can bring the same meal again if you want…and if you’re capable)
  48. Thanks Brittany and Monica for the pampering you gave to my wife
  49. Matt and Oso thank you for making the community meals work
  50. Thank you Chris and Trudi for the frozen meals. Seriously best vegetarian lasagna I’ve ever had. No joke.
  51. Thanks Sarah and Aram for the gf cookies
  52. Thanks Hope for being a last minute baby sitter and loving our kids so well
  53. Thanks to Kristy et. al for the amazing anniversary gifts and surprises
  54. Thanks to Melody and Jill for the massages
  55. Thanks Ben and Steve for giving me my first taste of good scotch prior to surgery
  56. Thanks Anni for the inspiring art over the last week (co-shout out to F&33rd)
  57. Thanks Sunrise for the great conversations via email and even occasionally in person (oh yeah…and for OMSI!)
  58. Thanks Matt for coordinating a hot date for my wife and i
  59. Thanks Sam for always coming over on Sunday’s to play with my ding dong
  60. Thanks Brittany for cleaning our house every week. You were awesome.
  61. Thank you Lynelle for checking in, for showing up even when we’re not home, and for your compassion.
  62. Thanks Rachel, Lincoln’s Beard, Beth, Jill, Jenney, Pepper, and so many others who donated things for the silent auction. Your art, creativity, and generosity inspire me
  63. Thanks for the Pok Pok Mo Mo
  64. Thanks for to Danny and Rachel and Sarah for all the Baja Fresh hook ups.
  65. Thanks Patty for the water hookup for the meals (that gf pizza was amazing!) and everything else
  66. Thanks Arnada Community Meal people for always leaving my kitchen clean during all of this…you don’t realize how much of a gift this is
  67. Thanks Aram for being a courier–you don’t realize how stress free and freeing it has been
  68. Thanks Sherilee for catching me
  69. Thanks Jenny for your poetry and your potted plants (that are still alive)
  70. Thanks Kileah for the milk and for bringing in food during surgery
  71. Thanks Brent for extending your stay longer just so you could be around during surgery
  72. Thanks Mo, Bridget, Cheryl and whomever else was a part of getting my wife in that spa
  73. Thanks Kevin for just happening to be there the morning of
  74. Thanks Grandma for teaching me about generosity
  75. Thanks Ken and Dody for dinner and for making sure we’re always able to pay our bills
  76. Thanks for the wine Mav and Niccole…especially the part where you drank it with us
  77. Thanks Grandma, uncle Greg, Dee (were there others?) for hanging out with me at one of my biggest moments (cath free!)
  78. Thanks Cheryl for taking over the Compassion Vancouver duties–what a relief!
  79. Thanks Mav and Niccole for being easy and available…such a blessing.
  80. Thanks Kris and Jim for bringing us vegetables (and those figs!)
  81. Thanks Liesl for dinner
  82. Thanks for the wings Ethan (OK, so it hasn’t happened yet…but it will)
  83. Thanks Toree for accompanying me to my new rehab gig with a milk shake in hand
  84. Thanks Aaron and Bekah for the frostee and to Chris for the milk shake…y’all didn’t know but I had just found out I was dying of cancer
  85. Thanks Oso for surprising us with coffee and thanks to Dwayne for making it happen
  86. Thanks James and Andrea for bringing multiple trips of stuff over from the house to the hospital
  87. Thanks Steve and Marlette for the surprise ice cream and the standard Youskyme
  88. Thanks Mo for making me cry all too often
  89. Thank you Ruth for the book. Can’t wait to read it!
  90. Thanks Danny and Rachel for helping with the kids and having us over for dinner too
  91. Thanks Steve for checking on me all the time, giving me rides, and being a good friend.
  92. Thanks Arwen for keeping my wife company at just the right times
  93. Thanks Jay for the Safeway hook up
  94. Thanks Nina for the shoes and backpack. This might be the most practical and necessary gift along the way. What a lifesaver
  95. Thanks Chris and Christie for bringing pancakes and turkey bacon over
  96. Thanks LaRae for the kind card and gift
  97. Thanks Jurgen and Azriel for moving the couch (harder than anticipated eh?)
  98. Thanks John and Brent for going bald in solidarity with me…sorry I didn’t go bald in solidarity with you.
  99. Thanks Mo, Dwayne, Kate, Levi, and Sarah for the hilarious picture that’s now sitting all around downtown. I don’t care if it brings in a dime…the picture is amazing.
I’m sure I’m only missing about fifty other people to thank. There are huge things I’m spacing right now and there are seemingly minuscule things that are missing from the list. From huge to small y’alls gifts and thoughts and generosity have been stupid amazing. We still have no idea what future prognosis await us…but at least I am confident with who stands beside us regardless of our future. We love you all. (in the time its taken me to write this final paragraph I’ve already thought of six more things that should be on this list! Because I like the whole ’99’ thing I’m not going to add them and just assume that this list will and should always be undone and incomplete. There WILL always be another person to thank…and for that I’m thankful!)

But what about… (Staying Put part 3)

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Building off of the previous two blog posts about staying put I feel compelled to write about my friend Christie’s appropriate question:

But what happens when you have done all the stuff and the majority of your neighbors could care less about what you are doing and are even a little annoyed by it?

That’s often the reality isn’t it? The problem with churches, the problem with business, the problem with our neighborhoods is that people ruin everything! If it weren’t for people I could have a killer neighborhood. (where’s a sarcasm mark when you need it?)

Seriously though, while I firmly believe that the individualism, hectic lifestyle, and materialism we’ve bought into in our culture are completely and utterly hallow and do not play a part in creating a life or a future worth living–they are still a magnetic draw to each and every one of us! It’s like a blue-lighted bug zapper that carries with it a strange and mysterious attraction even unto the bugs death. We are drawn to it.

So what do we do when our neighbors don’t care, don’t reciprocate, or even worse what if they find it offensive? Are there any ideas we can hold onto in the midst of the epic obstacle known as real people? Here are some of my random thoughts…

  1. Don’t forget the why–We are not responsible for changing people. The reason we commit to a people and a place (in my humble opinion) is because it’s redemptive and because it’s a better way to live. While we hope it is productive our goal is not production. Healthy relationships are never driven merely by production.
  2. Invitation and Imagination– Part of our role is to stretch the imagination of those around us. People might not respond immediately and we may never be witnesses to their response, but our hope is that by living differently and with intentionality we will stretch the imagination of those around us concerning how life can be experienced. It is an invitational stance, it’s a posture that invites others into new choices without pressure to do so.
  3. Patience–Patience sucks but it’s essential. Change rarely happens quickly. Stability kind of necessitates a long term approach.
  4. Hospitality– Hospitality is going to include rejection at times. Just remember that we’re being changed as much if not more than those around us.
  5. Baggage and Process– We can’t forget that we all have baggage and that everything is a process! We don’t know what baggage our neighbors are carrying (though on a larger neighborhood level it’s a great thing to find old storytellers in order to learn some of the baggage and blessing that the neighborhood itself already carries) we don’t know what hurts and past choices continue to define their response to you or those around them. Additionally we can’t forget that we’re all at different stages in a process of growth. I find that oftentimes my frustration is that you’re not at the place I’m at in my process! It makes me mad that you’re in a different place…and that’s a me problem not a you problem.
  6. Context– There’s no getting around the fact that some places are harder than others to make a dent. When there are no home owners its going to be harder. Where there are more single parents it’s going to be harder (more opportunities to serve but…man are those parents busy trying to simply survive!). Where there are more fences, garage doors, larger yards, or when there’s just an abundance of seemingly mean people it’s going to be more difficult. I don’t know if this means we just give up when we find ourselves in these types of places or if we buckle down and live more sacrificially…but I do know that some places are just hard.
  7. No loners— Practicing stability by yourself is hard. There’s a difference when people witness/experience somebody living differently and when they witness somebodies. Seeing a nice person is different from observing an alternative community. If we want to truly see neighborhood change I think its imperative that we have co-conspirators, that we don’t go it alone but work in partnership from the ground up. This will both sustain us as individuals and it will more likely create lasting change.
  8. Assumptions rob your soul– This is connected to #5, but assumptions about how neighbors should or will respond will absolutely kill you and rob your soul of the joy of giving. Assumptions rob you of the opportunity to extend grace in real and authentic ways. Being aware of our assumptions will allow us greater freedom in giving and will in and of itself give additional blessing to those around us.
  9. Just do it– When it comes down to it all we can do it just choose to do it. Regardless of outcome, regardless of reciprocity, regardless of everything that might fail our best option is simply to step out on a limb and practice radical hospitality because we believe that it’s the right thing to do. The hope (the ridiculous and audacious hope) is that either now or later love will win out.