Tag Archives: funny

Signing Off…for a time

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Goodbye my friends, I’ll be leaving you for a week. I hope you survive without me…or more honestly I hope you’re around when I get back. Yes, that’s right, my wife and I are headed to Hawaii for a week! Thanks to Jess’ family we are being flown to Oahu for a full week of kid-free sun, sand, and relaxation. It couldn’t have come at a better time and we couldn’t be more excited.

It’s interesting how being sick (and everything that goes along with it) has both propelled Jessica and I toward each other and has made it more difficult to be close. In some ways we have greater closeness and intimacy now than we’ve ever had before while in other ways we are so consumed with the needs and necessities of life while simultaneously running on empty emotionally and physically that we have very little to give or share with each other. All that to say…Hawaii with my beautiful bride will be glorious and I’m choosing to not let blogging interrupt it (you don’t realize how genuinely hard this will be!).

So while I’m gone I’ll leave you with this glorious video:

Pirate Jesus

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It’s a double edged sword this Christian belief in the incarnation (that God became human in Jesus) because in one sense it takes this massive concept of GOD and gives  him a family, a city, a time and place, it puts dirt under his nails, and even gives him a Jewish name. God becomes very local, knowable, and somewhat specific. He is Jesus. In another sense, though, the incarnation allows us to understand God as one of us. We learn that God isn’t particularly Jewish as much as he is knowable, that God desires to be known by his creation and to be forever and intimately associated with his creation. So we often visualize Jesus as looking like us…and that’s not wholly bad because incarnation demands localization.

but.

We’ve gotten weird about it haven’t we? We’ve created all these Jesus’s that are caricatures of Jesus and we’ve duped ourselves into thinking and believing that it’s “the right Jesus”.

  • Spooky Jesus is the one with the creepy halo who looks a little alien-like. He usually glows…which is kind of cool.
  • Bearded-lady Jesus is usually overly feminine and very very pasty white.
  • Little baby Jesus is usually worshiped at Christmas time or while watching Talladega Nights. This Jesus never pooped his diapers, didn’t cry (isn’t that what Away in a Manger teaches us?), and usually makes us feel nice.
  • Jesus is my boyfriend is the one that churches like to sing about and the one that Southpark likes to make fun of. This is the Jesus typified by worship songs that are actually love songs to girls with Jesus’ name inserted in.
  • Jesus as the celebrity rockstar doesn’t accomplish much and doesn’t necessarily know what he’s doing but he sure does sing well…think Jesus Christ Superstar.
  • Ultimate Fighting Jesus is the new cool Jesus where he likes to punch people, shoot guns, and hates gay people and women. I think that many rockstar pastors these days like this Jesus ’cause it justifies their own baggage and underlying hate of people who are different from them.*

It’s a little funny what we’ve done to Jesus. It’s a little scary too ’cause in many ways these depictions of Jesus have bastardized something pretty cool: that we can know God.

Anyway, I like the rockstar Jesus ’cause he’s aloof and fun…I’m aloof and fun and I like my Jesuses to look like me.

I wish I could love Pirate Jesus but, alas, even though I’ve got piratey earrings now there’s just something about Jesus with an eye patch that weirds me out. It’s like if Superman had a goatee.

 

* Thanks to Alan and Debra HIrsch for their valuable and fun chapter about Jesus in their book Untamed where I borrowed some of these descriptions.

Thanks Amy!

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A friend sent this to me via Facebook and it made me very happy.

Thought your sense of humor might appreciate this: We were in Nairobi this week and one day our taxi passed a children’s cancer hospital. Next to the road, on a little sign with a picture of a person crossing the street, were the words, 
“Slow
Children
Dying”

Offensive? Maybe. Funny? Yes. Awesome? Yes.

You can follow Amy and Robin via their blog at http://amyrob.wordpress.com/

A Blog About Narwals

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(that’s right, this is a blog about Narwhal whales. Why? I’m not quite sure. Is there a point to it? No. Is there any great meaning to this blog post? No. Is it funny? As it turns out…not so much. Is this a departure from my usual blogs of amazing depth and valuable content? Most would say no. So without further adieu…Narwhal…)

Narwhal whales are spectacular. They shouldn’t be real…I’m actually not sure that they are. I mean, lets be honest, they’re the unicorn’s of the sea…and we all know that unicorns aren’t real. But Narwhal’s are real. They’re real and they’re awesome. Awesomely real.

A friend recently started using the term ‘unicorn’ to refer to things that aren’t actually ever seen in real life. Think: a husband who does dishes, a cat that’s enjoyable to be around, a successful small business in Vancouver, you get the idea. But Narwhal’s aren’t unicorns, they’re not husbands who willingly watch their own kids. They’re actually whales with a bucktooth. Yes, that’s right, the Narwhal’s spectacular unicorn-like spike is actually a giant tooth protruding from its mouth. The Narwhal is actually more like a beaver than a majestic unicorn. Disappointed? Don’t be. Beavers are awesome too. They make homes in water out of sticks, they eat trees, and they gave Mel Gibson a chance to re-make himself.

The moral of the story? Simple: some things appear to be awesome and others appear to be mythical…some even appear to be both. Chances are, they’re not. Chances are it’s just a beaver with a blowhole. So when you try to be awesome by showing off your magnificent ‘tusk’ remember that you might be more of a beaver than a unicorn…and that’s not bad.

**I’d like to clarify three important things. One, I chose to capitalize “Narwhal” as gesture of honor to the most awesomestly real animal I’ve never seen. Two, I’m not quite sure why I wrote this blog nor what it means. Three, I think the reason I wrote this blog is because Narwhal’s are rocking my world right now.

Lego Clubs and Makin' Some Dough

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Jones and his friend have created a Lego club which includes a plan to raise money to buy more Legos by selling the Legos they already have. If you’re interested in purchasing some Legos you may want to visit their website here: http://legokids.weebly.com/

As a word of caution, Jones may have decided to sell some of his Lego sets for upwards of six cents…and ninety-nine dollars. As another word of caution, Jones’ parents do not intend to let him actually sell the Legos that we’ve taken out second mortgage for in order to afford (seriously have you priced Legos?! Jeepers!) I also have observed a potential flaw in his business model which is that he’s willing to give you the money you need to buy his Legos (its not a loan, its a freewill offering).

I remember being in clubs as a kid. My sister Tara and I had a sword fighting club once. My sister Jen and I had a club called the Doggie Dudes and Dudettes once too. Jessica and I form clubs all the time…as a matter of fact last week we formed a playdough club. It was pretty awesome.*

Clubs are pretty awesome…but selling the Legos your parents bought you for Christmas…priceless…well…unless you put a price of six cents on it like my son did. Ouch.

 

* This may or may not be based in reality…it could be a lie, but I’m not quite sure at this moment in time. I’ll let you know once I talk with my wife.