Tag Archives: funny

Definitive Proof that Christians are Weird

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I couldn’t find all the videos I was looking for, but here are a few classics that give much needed evidence to finally prove once for all that Christians are weird…in all the wrong ways.


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And one freebee that’s gotta be shown at least every six months…

Take Time to be Silly

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“Do you have space in your life for being silly?”

That’s the question that my friend Chris asked me today. It wasn’t intended to be a silly question, he was very serious. Later Dwayne added in the observation that there’s something about “becoming” and adult that makes us want to leave our silly ways behind. Katie becomes Kate. Joey becomes Joe. Billy goes by Bill. Why? Because they’re all grown up, we’re adults now and have to act like it!

There are some who live their lives without an ounce of seriousness and live into their silly nature a little too much. But for most of us we are so incredibly busy, we are so consumed with our work, with responsibility, with being mature, with being an adult that we miss out on the joy and freedom of silliness. Being silly in and of itself can be understood as an act of dignity can’t it? Allowing others to live into their silliness is to allow them to let go, to experience a bit of freedom, and to…well…have a little fun. Some might argue that being silly is actually an undignified way to act, but I would suggest that if we truly respect ourselves and others we will be willing to honor that part of us that demands light heartedness and freedom. Some of us will live into our silliness easier than others and we’ll all define what it looks like differently. But maybe its worth it to take Jesus’ advice and not worry about tomorrow, maybe its worth it to trust that the existence of giraffes proves that silliness is built into our worlds identity. We can’t escape it. All we can do is fight against it or give in. Our culture tells us to fight against it because you’re all grown up: Jim’s don’t act silly! Jimmy’s all grown up and has got to be responsible…OR…Jim could slow down his hectic pace in life just enough to find space to laugh, chill, do something goofy, stop taking himself so seriously, stop stressing about every little thing in life, and go draw with some sidewalk chalk infront of his house. I’d suggest drawing a giraffe ’cause you know those things are just plain ol’ goofy lookin’.

My Thoughts on the Future of Our World

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What is it about flying cars? It seems like since the beginning of time our dreams of the future (of the ‘year 2000’) included flying cars. And yet here we are driving on the ground and flying in planes. I guess our sci fi movies wouldn’t have been as cool had they dreamed of a future where information could be shared wirelessly, where you could spend money you didn’t have if you just swiped a piece of plastic, and where Starbucks ruled the world.

Here are some of my predictions of the future in no particular order:

  • Angry Birds will come out with a game for the X-Box platform
  • Purgo hardwood floors will become even more prevalent in our homes
  • Pennies will be eliminated and we’ll start using our dollar coins (but we’ll choose to call them loonies like they do in Canada…’cause that’s kind of awesome)
  • Those slap bracelet things will become popular again
  • Books will still be around and a slew of new brick and mortar book stores will open that don’t use ‘the digital age’ as an excuse for non-innovative or successful business practices.
  • A hologram will become president
  • Toilets will be considered an opiate of the masses
  • Upon finding out that cloth bags are bad for the environment our economy (which was built on a platform of cloth bag usage) will crash
  • Ikea stores will get bigger and they will introduce a new “stay and camp for the night” alternative
  • Our national anthem will be re-written to the tune of “twinkle twinkle” so that it can be more universally accepted
  • Women will stop painting their finger nails
  • Puzzles will be cool again
  • A counter movement to the wireless age will emerge. They’ll use corded phones, connect to the internet via land lines, print only on computers they’re plugged into, email colleagues by throwing paper at them across the office, and most importantly they’ll refuse to cut umbilical cords so as to keep a wired connection to their mother forever.
  • Oh yeah, and I do think there will be flying cars.

Lyrics that make a difference

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These lyrics just might change your life…

Lives are like retractible pencils
If you push them too hard they’re gonna break
And people are like paper dolls
Paper dolls and people, they’re a similar shape
Love is like a roll of tape
It’s real good for making two things one
But just like that roll of tape
Love sometimes breaks off before you were done
Another way that love is similar to tape
That I’ve noticed
Is sometimes it’s hard to see the end
You search on the roll
 Search on the roll
 With your fingernail
Again and again
And again and again
And again.
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with the tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff 

Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff.

Brown paper, white paper 
Paper paper Stick it together with tape
Paper paper The tape of love
People people
People people
Pencil pencil
Pencil pencil
Paper paper
Put the pencil to the paper
Give the paper to the people
Let the people read about the sello tape
Oh baby baby
Yeah

 Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff
Yeah
Ooh brown
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
Say it
Sticky
Stick stick
Stick it together
Ye-yeah

8 Reasons Why Steroids are Bad

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Here are my top eight reasons why taking steroids sucks:

  1. ‘Roid rage. Steroids opened up in me anger that I’ve never experienced before. I could get mad at a fork if it didn’t make it to my mouth correctly…and thats no lie.
  2. Backne (as in back acne). I felt like I was in Jr. High again with my whole back, chest, and arms covered in acne! Good thing I’m not much of a swimmer ’cause all the girls would have made fun of me.
  3. Lies. Anyone who told you that if you took steroids you’d be better at sports lied. I’m not better at sports and I’m not stronger and as a matter of fact I think I’m worse at sports now than I was before my steroids. Needless to say I blame all of this on the ‘roids.
  4. Insomnia. Gone are the days of going to sleep at 1am and waking up at 4am everyday. While I do miss those quiet mornings (terribly actually) I don’t miss the lack of sleep.
  5. Water Weight. I’ve got chubby arm pits right now. Did you even know you can get chubby arm pits? It’s due to my body going off steroids, ‘roids cause your body to retain water in strange ways, for me this included asymmetrical chubby pits.
  6. Swelling. This is probably an extension of the water weight, but the swelling that happened in my face was creepy. In a matter of minutes I’d go from normal Ryan to Swollen-Faced-Ryan. It would happen almost immediately and could last for minutes or days. Not cool.
  7. Headaches. The day that I was finally off steroids was the day that my headaches began. For ten straight days I had pounding, debilitating headaches. They’d last from the moment I woke up until I fell asleep. For the first few days no cocktail of Vicodin or Ibiprofin would help and I’d just pound my head agains the wall waiting for relief.
  8. Foot Cheese. That’s right, I said it. While on steroids the bottom of my feet started to sluff off every day. Every day a whole layer of skin on the bottoms of my feet would just crumble off…it was gross…and messy…and would have been painful had I been able to feel my feet.