Tag Archives: random

Bikini's and Nakedness

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Can I write a post about bikinis? Is that legal as a minister and future church planter? Here’s the thing, I don’t want to spend time talking about whether or not its sinful for a woman to wear a bikini (or a man for that matter) ’cause my daughter’s not wearing one until she’s 83. So it’s kind of a moot point in my home.

Here’s the thing though, I am so glad that I am not a woman (for many reasons!) because I cannot imagine the vulnerability you’d feel while walking around three quarters naked in public. You’ve got virtually nothing to hide, it’s just your body and the world around. I’m sorry, but even without engaging in the whole purity and lust conversation we’ve got to at least admit that it’s a negative thing that in our culture a woman is supposed to swim in underwear (albeit a waterproof version) because it requires a vulnerability that is inapropriate for the common public sphere! In a way isn’t it kind of like if all of us in our society, in order to be ‘normal’, had to walk around with our thoughts and prayers from our private journals posted above our heads. As I play with my kids at the park the note that sits above my head reads “God, after losing my job I am terrified that I won’t be able to take care of my family.” while the mom pushing her son in the swing next to me has a note above her head that reads “my husband left me today”.

Ok, maybe that’s an extreme example, but the point is vulnerability. It sucks that we ask our women to experience that in public. I don’t control my wife, but she does know that I don’t want her to have to wear a skimpy swim suit in public because I know that she doesn’t enjoy it! It’s just so open, your whole body is so out there, it just makes you so…vulnerable.

Maybe this isn’t you. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about ’cause i’m a dude. But for all you other women out there…sorry. I won’t tease you if you swim in a bath robe.

Letter to the Editor…of the internet

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My goal with the Internet and social networking is to be as productive as I can while doing as little as I can. Plaxo. Facebook. Twitter. Friendfeed. Myspace. LinkedIn. Blogging. Tumblr. Delicious…Oh my, I could go on for a long time! I want to connect with people. I want to meet new people. I want to stay connected to old friends. I want people to know what’s going on in my life, family, and ministry. But holy guacamole there’s a lot of stuff out there that it takes significant time just to know about it all. By the time I found out about Twitter it was already being rumored as a potential flop.

All that is to get to this letter to the editor of the Internet:

Dear editor of the Internet,

I appreciate everything you do for me. I am grateful for the fact that my generation will be the most informed to walk the face of the earth thanks to you (though, only to be surpassed by the ensuing generations). You’ve given me my sports page. You’ve given me wordpress, flickr, and stumbleupon all of which have changed my life. I give you credit for Ikea. I’m not sure why you get credit for creating Ikea, but Ikea is just so cool that it had to have started on the internet. But I’ve got a bone to pick with you. Can you please slow down? And can you please do what I want? I mean, as soon as I figure out blogging everyone stops blogging and starts doing facebook. And as soon as get comfortable with facebook I start realizing all the things that it doesn’t do that I want it to do! You’ve taught me that I can get whatever I want on the internet instantly, and now I feel as though you’re reneging on your promise. Not cool. Don’t even get me started on porn. Bad idea internet. Sure it keeps our economy afloat, but it’s kind of disgusting. Anyway, I digress from my rant. Please make applications for facebook groups. And please make Twitter actually do something. And please create the widgets that I want and need for my wordpress blog. And please make my lawn grow slower. And could you please let me stumbleupon some really good websites instead of the garbage that I’ve been finding as of late. And will you please give me lots of friends on facebook so that I’ll feel better about myself? Oh, and please get rid of myspace. It’s annoying. In closing, Internet Editor, I’d like to say that while I’m grateful for many things, I desire you to fix many things, and I’m a little upset about all the porn, what it all comes down to is that I’d like you to allow me to download movies that are still playing in the theaters without getting viruses and without hurting my conscience. If you cannot live up to my demands, then I make you this promise: I will continue to operate in the exact same way, I will continue to give Clear my lunch money, I will continue to grow my delicious bookmark portfolio, I will keep blogging, but I will be very upset about it!

Sincerely, Ryan

Rumors of Celestial Explosions Gone Away

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I’ve heard the rumors, I know its been talked about, so today I went straight to the horses mouse (I meant to type “mouth” but I think I will enjoy the mistake).

Rumor: there will be no Fort Vancouver firework display this year

I went to my informant at Coldstone Creamery and found out that apparently it’s gotten to expensive and the Fort Vancouver people were requiring Coldstone, who oddly enough are the firework providers for much of Vancouver, to up their investment by one or two hundred thousand bucks! So because of that…no fireworks this year.

That’s rigth folks, the coldstone dude, the employee who will sing a stupid song if you tip him a quarter has confirmed the sad truth. I guess this year for the 4th of July everyone will have to get wasted in their own back yard. Curse you economy!

The Holy Land Experience

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I nearly forked over the $30 to go to the Holy Land Experience when I was in Florida. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to travel to Florida in order to spend a day at the Wilderness Tabernacle exhibit:

The wondrous and mysterious Wilderness Tabernacle was the heart of worship for the children of Israel as they wandered in the desert following their exodus from Egyptian captivity. Watch the High Priest and experience a live presentation that explains the intricate details of the tabernacle and its prescribed rituals.

Or how about the opportunity to allow your children to view the crucifixion and resurrection at a live presentation done every 30 minutes at the Calvary’s Garden Tomb Exhibit:

Follow the Via Dolorosa, the road on which Christ carried the cross, to Calvary’s Garden Tomb. Spend time resting, praying, or reflecting on the meaning and significance of the empty tomb. Atop the hill stand the crosses of Golgotha, where Jesus was crucified and died for the sins of the world.

Or, if you’re lucky you can take a picture with Moses and his famous stone tablets!

Ok, so here’s my real thoughts with all the sarcasm taken out. This whole Holy Land Experience theme park really disturbs me. I’m imagining the God who fashioned a whip to kick out those who looked to exploit the temple by turning it into a market place. I’m imagining the God who chose to leave heaven in order to live like a poor, enslaved, and eventually tortured human being. I’m imagining the God who was creative enough to make naked mole rats and giraffes. And, well, none of those things seem to fit with the Holy Land Experience. A market place, turning the crucifixion into an attraction, and creativity that is more like poor mimicry than anything else.

Something seems off. I think I’d take my kids to Disneyworld…even if Disney is The Man.