A Blog About Narwals

(that’s right, this is a blog about Narwhal whales. Why? I’m not quite sure. Is there a point to it? No. Is there any great meaning to this blog post? No. Is it funny? As it turns out…not so much. Is this a departure from my usual blogs of amazing depth and valuable content? Most would say no. So without further adieu…Narwhal…)

Narwhal whales are spectacular. They shouldn’t be real…I’m actually not sure that they are. I mean, lets be honest, they’re the unicorn’s of the sea…and we all know that unicorns aren’t real. But Narwhal’s are real. They’re real and they’re awesome. Awesomely real.

A friend recently started using the term ‘unicorn’ to refer to things that aren’t actually ever seen in real life. Think: a husband who does dishes, a cat that’s enjoyable to be around, a successful small business in Vancouver, you get the idea. But Narwhal’s aren’t unicorns, they’re not husbands who willingly watch their own kids. They’re actually whales with a bucktooth. Yes, that’s right, the Narwhal’s spectacular unicorn-like spike is actually a giant tooth protruding from its mouth. The Narwhal is actually more like a beaver than a majestic unicorn. Disappointed? Don’t be. Beavers are awesome too. They make homes in water out of sticks, they eat trees, and they gave Mel Gibson a chance to re-make himself.

The moral of the story? Simple: some things appear to be awesome and others appear to be mythical…some even appear to be both. Chances are, they’re not. Chances are it’s just a beaver with a blowhole. So when you try to be awesome by showing off your magnificent ‘tusk’ remember that you might be more of a beaver than a unicorn…and that’s not bad.

**I’d like to clarify three important things. One, I chose to capitalize “Narwhal” as gesture of honor to the most awesomestly real animal I’ve never seen. Two, I’m not quite sure why I wrote this blog nor what it means. Three, I think the reason I wrote this blog is because Narwhal’s are rocking my world right now.

Stop Being Spineless and Get Organized

I’d like to say that I can’t believe that I never realized this before but that would be disingenuous because it’s fairly common for me to not realize things about myself. I shouldn’t really be surprised by this fact anymore.

Jessica and I often lament the fact that we don’t do routine well. All we’ve ever wanted for our family and for ourselves is to be people that are consistent, that live by a healthy set of rhythms, and that have a handful of specific (fun) patterns that shape our lives. Instead we often find ourselves scattered and on the go, random, and a bit all over the place.

Often when we get rid of the kids for a day or two our ideal time together is to go to Storables and figure out what we could buy that would better organize our lives. Maybe its just a matter of having a better calendar, a better app on our phones, or better shelving in our closet…or maybe the problem is just us.

It’s not all bad though. The thing is is that some of our best qualities as a family and as individuals exist in juxtaposition to a routine and organized life. We’re spontaneous, we’re relaxed and easy going, and we’ll generally scrap any plans if it allows us to spend time with people.

Here’s the awkward realization though…I am a fairly organized person and I am a very routine driven person. I shower the EXACT same way every morning, I put on my deodorant, brush my teeth, take my medicines, put on my clothes, etc. in virtually the exact same way every single day. I keep my backpack in a specific way, keep my computer files organized in a specific way, put my keys in the same spot every day, put the same three things in my pockets every day, blah, blah, blah, etc. etc. Routine is actually quite important to how I function as a person.

Jessica is driven by anticipation, by the next fun event. She moves through life looking for the next party or defining experience. She’s an incredible visionary because she has a knack for seeing what does not yet exist, she’s incredibly fun to be around because she’s excitable and entertaining, she’s passionate about moving forward and about growth. But her challenge is valuing the moment enough to live in it (rather than in anticipation of the next moment). So organization and routine do not fit who she is very well, it’s taxing and a great challenge to who she is. I, on the other hand, am driven by creating peace and stability in my environment. I want/need things to be chill, to have few extremes, and to be balanced. My tendency is to change my opinion solely based on whether or not I think it will create a more peaceful environment around me. So I’m easy to be around but I can be potentially spineless and can painfully undermine people’s feelings (if you’ve got an extreme feeling, valid or not, I’ll want to neutralize it in order to make things safer for myself).

The reason WE have a hard time being organized or living by a certain set of rhythms is that I choose not to bring who I am to the table all the time. I mean, I wouldn’t want to impose, I wouldn’t want to unsettle anything in a person or system around me by trying to make changes or hold others to something that I think would be valuable would I? That might shake up the peace…the peace that I crave so desperately.

So, yeah, I’m the problem. In life in general I’m learning to grow a pair, I’m learning to step out and own my own opinions, I’m learning to value others’ seemingly extreme emotions (and to even value my own), I’m learning that peace is valuable but not at all costs, I’m learning that to shut myself down is to be dishonest. I’m learning…at least I hope I am.

Lego Clubs and Makin' Some Dough

Jones and his friend have created a Lego club which includes a plan to raise money to buy more Legos by selling the Legos they already have. If you’re interested in purchasing some Legos you may want to visit their website here: http://legokids.weebly.com/

As a word of caution, Jones may have decided to sell some of his Lego sets for upwards of six cents…and ninety-nine dollars. As another word of caution, Jones’ parents do not intend to let him actually sell the Legos that we’ve taken out second mortgage for in order to afford (seriously have you priced Legos?! Jeepers!) I also have observed a potential flaw in his business model which is that he’s willing to give you the money you need to buy his Legos (its not a loan, its a freewill offering).

I remember being in clubs as a kid. My sister Tara and I had a sword fighting club once. My sister Jen and I had a club called the Doggie Dudes and Dudettes once too. Jessica and I form clubs all the time…as a matter of fact last week we formed a playdough club. It was pretty awesome.*

Clubs are pretty awesome…but selling the Legos your parents bought you for Christmas…priceless…well…unless you put a price of six cents on it like my son did. Ouch.

 

* This may or may not be based in reality…it could be a lie, but I’m not quite sure at this moment in time. I’ll let you know once I talk with my wife.

Learning How to Blog–The "Ex" Factor

I’ve been blogging for about six years now. Mostly my blogging has been for me, an outlet, a way to learn to capture my thoughts. But over the years I have learned a few things. I’ve definitively decided that there are three ways to approach content driven blogging.

Experience

Many blogs fall under the definition of experience. People write about what they’re doing. All those blogs that my wife reads from other mothers who make fresh food every day using fresh herbs from their garden while their children play with wooden toys built from fresh grown wood from their beautifully manicured backyard. Those blogs are all about experience. You write about what you’ve done. These blogs are pretty capturing because clearly capture a story and they seem so clearly true.

Expertise

In my opinion these are the best blogs. They’re written by smart people, by people who really know about what they’re writing in great detail. I’m not sure I have anything to write from in this category. I’m not an expert of much…as a matter of fact I don’t think many young people are experts in much of anything. We’re too young to have a word of expertise in anything. What is it that Gladwell says, that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to master anything? How many twenty-nine year olds have done 10,000 hours of anything?

Exploration

I like to think that I fall into this category. Much of what I write is not written out of expertise but out of exploration. It’s almost as if I’m putting things out there to see if they stick. I don’t claim expertise on much of anything, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not willing to explore ideas and concepts. Even this blog is completely made up! I’m no expert on blogging…but I kind of like the sound of what I’ve written today. This type of blogging is all about pursuing an idea.

 

More than anything today I am proud to have come up with three headings that all start with an E. It’s a beautiful thing. Its possible that none of this is true. I mean, I’m not writing this out of a host of EXperience (is 6 years really that much?), I don’t claim to be an EXpert…no, I’m just a dude EXploring an EXcellent idea.

My Wife Just Can't Understand

My wife just can’t understand what it’s like to go through what I’m going through. She can’t understand what it’s like to have all the extra hormones that I had to deal with while I was hopped up on steroids for six months. Crying at a moments notice, being moody, irrational, and generally having a different emotional disposition are all things that she just can’t understand.

Try as she may my beautiful wife who is chronically thin has no idea what its like to pour on thirty pounds in just a few months. Even worse, knowing that the extra pounds are not permanent keeps one from justifying purchasing more clothes to cover the new girth. She just absolutely doesn’t get it! She can’t imagine how awkward it is to need to use a rubber band to hold my pants together ’cause the button won’t reach the buttonhole.

She’s never had something foreign growing inside her, sucking her life’s energy and strength to feed its own growth. It’s as if I have a parasite living in my back…but its not a parasite, it’s a tumor. There’s no way she can comprehend the loss of control one feels with something like that being inside of you, one with you, and yet completely foreign. She just can’t get it.

Jess doesn’t know what its like to be nauseous day in and out, for food to not sound good for months at a time, and to be stuck on your back all day every day. She doesn’t understand how boring it is to be on bed rest, to not feel good enough to read, and yet to realize that there truly isn’t anything good to watch on TV. Nope, she doesn’t get it.

I keenly remember when I was at the hospital the transition that happened as I lost any need for privacy. So many doctors and nurses had looked at my body, poked and prodded it, that I lost any sense that there was anything to hide. Jess can’t understand that. She can’t understand what its like to be exposed so many times and so regularly that you forget you might have anything to be ashamed of.

Jess can’t understand how taxing it is to have to go to the doctor all the time, to feel like you’ve got a chain connecting you with your doctor ’cause you aint ever going to get to far from ’em. No way, no how she understands that frustration.

Speaking of frustration!!! She has absolutely no way to understand how annoying it is to have to pee constantly! I swear I’m like an eighty year old man (my apologies to any eighty year old men I just offended)! I pee every five minutes…and there’s no way my wife gets that. She can’t understand what that’s like for sure. And it’s not just pee either, no way she understands what severe constipation feels like. It is a miserable feeling that she just can’t sympathize with.

Thank God I got a vasectomy last year.